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Post by danny15 on Mar 11, 2018 14:13:21 GMT -5
You keep at it CC!!!!!!!!
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Post by creativechaos on Mar 14, 2018 21:33:39 GMT -5
i love seeing all those happy and motivating emoticons! thank you so much, danny15! def6, thanks for the encouragement - i really appreciate it. the gardening, this time of year, gives me energy it's been a few rough days; trying to pull out. i hope to get something done tonight at home. worked hard in the garden today, putting down cardboard and prepping paths for more wood chips. i shoveled and worked at that for at least 3 hrs. other tadas: (place-holder) THURSDAY 3/15 i got some stuff done today thanks to the chat challengers planted all 10 of the primroses i bought; some in pots, some in the ground wateredin what i planted did a little work in downstairs garden kept up with dishes cooked dinner and cleaned up after (dishes) studied for class and got most of my homework done beforehand did some sorting and PEEPing on one of the big piles in the bedroom sorted some fabric scraps by shape - squares, strips, etc renewed overdue library books online met with social worker and came up with new plan we're going to try - inspection has to be the first priority even over storage, art show, and gardening but i must do those as well - it's all happening at once. it's just that the MAIN focus has to be on the apartment.
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Post by def6 on Mar 14, 2018 23:12:10 GMT -5
That's some hard work creativechaos But you are so good at growing things. I am thrilled for you! It makes me hungry for a tomato sandwich. I hope you have a bumper crop of everything.
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Post by danny15 on Mar 15, 2018 12:11:54 GMT -5
I love the emoticons too creativechaos they are fun!
Ok dear one I am going to give you a little butt kick here. Know that I do it in love. Also know that when I am compelled to give advice it is almost always because I see the same thing going on with me ~ and it is always easier to tell somebody else to do something than to kick my own a$$ and take the action I know I should be taking.
You know you have a VERY IMPORTANT inspection of your home coming up next month. You mentioned "with the feds" and how strict they are. I am assuming they will hit every apartment this time.
I know this is probably prime time to get gardening prep done for the upcoming growing season. And you have been dealing with the mice in your storage units.
Please realize how vitally important it is to put those things on a BIG HOLD right now. Your home is at stake. That has got to take priority.
I really do understand that compulsion to put your head in the sand, to busy yourself with other (also important) things, to tell yourself you have a good amount of time before it gets to be crunch time. PLEASE shake yourself out of that mindset!!!!!!!! If this inspection is as important as it sounds you cannot take the chance of putting yourself under more scrutiny and possible eviction. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad but if they're checking for dirty door or window tracks that's a pretty serious inspection.
I really wish I could be there to help you in person. I surely do not want to crush your sensitive spirit with harshness here and then leave you to fend for yourself. If there is any way at all you can think of for me to help you thru this site I would be happy to. I can't do chat but pep talks, listening, trying to help you set and follow thru on baby step goals, that I can do. Maybe you could start a new thread just for this period of time. Ask everybody here to support you; you know they will.
The main thing you have to do is to commit to make getting things in the best possible shape for this inspection your #1 priority. Of course there will be room for breaks and some down time to refresh your spirit. But no working in the gardens or storage units to the point of exhaustion. I would bet that by concentrating your energies and seeing results in your apartment you will re-energize yourself. By putting physical energy into other activities you are also using emotional energy because you'll be worrying about what isn't getting done at home.
Don't give up on this. Don't tell yourself it will never be as good as they expect so why bother too much. You can do much better than you expect of yourself. I know that!!! I KNOW it.
To let you know I'm giving you advice from a different but kind of the same place ~
4 1/2 years ago my insurance company wanted to do a walk-thru of my home. I was able to get out of it but in my initial panic I rented a very large storage unit and got as much crap over there as possible. Continued to add to it. A year and a half ago I rented another unit, the same size to store things from my beach place after I sold that. Continued to add to it. I am too ashamed to say what kind of worthless junk is in that first place. The money I am wasting is shameful also. (As a Catholic girl I hate the word/feeling *shame* but there is no other way to put it.)
I was gonna add a bunch of other things but this is getting too long..........you know we are very similar. Reread our posts in Plogging Along, A New Insight.
We HAVE to do this CC. I am so sick of dragging my a$$ thru life. I want to feel my life again. It's spring. As lovely as it will be getting outside, let's make an even more concentrated effort to make things lovely inside. I don't have an inspection coming up but a wasted day is a wasted day.
C'mon girl let's kick some hoarding a$$ !!!!!!!!!!!
ETA ~ I am really no one to be giving hard core advice. Many conflicted feelings here. If you want me to delete I will.
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Post by creativechaos on Mar 16, 2018 3:09:07 GMT -5
thanks so much, danny15 for the kind encouragement and butt kicking! you never come off too harsh - please do not delete the post. i totally agree with you about everything. today i met with the social worker and we went over a new plan. i listed 4 rather ambitious goals; passing the inspection is top and first on that list. i need to work at it every day or an equivalent on other days when i can do more. this needs to be at least an hr a day; two would be much better. this needs to be 1-2 hrs of FOCUSED work - which is hard for me. i also need to juggle the other 3 balls in the air while clearing and cleaning the apartment. this means GETTING RID OF STUFF AND SLOWING ACQUISITION. i have a few boxes in storage that i am not keeping; those can go right away. i have a few small boxes in the apartment ready also to go away. i have things in apt that need to go to storage and get out of here. so that is a start. ideally i would love to get down to just the big storage unit as a FUNCTIONAL studio, and the half price small unit for displaying my art. i don't know how to change my thinking, but i am going to let some things go and i hope i can do it without too much angst and stress. i also, on another front, need to slow acquisition way down. so far, neither of these has been my reality. if i purge too much at once there is a rebound effect. i am a hoarder - i have to face that fact. not to make excuses but these are the cold hard facts; i have a problem in how i think about things. i an *not" "just" a squalorer or messy. those things are bad eough in themselves... but yes, my living arrangement can be at stake if i don't pass this inspection. so i know i have to do better than i have done getting ready for other inspections because i've NOT been ready for them; i've just been lucky. if you want to try to do some challenging on this together with reducing stuff, we can do that, danny15. idk if that means a new thread or what. let me know your thoughts on this! i'd love to know i am not alone in trying to do a lot in a month's time and then a lot more in the subsequent 2 months before my show, on top of keeping the storage owners happy in their gardens and taking care of my own flowers and gardens. priorities are: 1) apartment declutter and deep clean in time for inspection; slow down acquisition and try to build some daily maintenance habits as i go along. 2rs a day average would be great with one day a week off (12 hrs a week minimum) 2) keep storage unit owners happy in their garden. i'm way behind on my hours and do not want to pay more out of pocket than i already am. 3) clear work space and access to mosaic materials in large storage unit so i can begin working on art show! 4) keep my own gardens manageable 5) spend mid april to mid June working on art show - must be the #1 focus while juggling the rest of the balls in the air
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Post by hollyhock on Mar 16, 2018 6:08:35 GMT -5
Hiya CC. Good thoughts from danny15. We all care and we all want you to pass that inspection. Re my own thoughts - I do not know how big your apt is - I'm going to guess 4-5 rooms? Could you totally focus on 1 room a week for deep cleaning? Then keep it up, add no more messy hotspots, as you move on to the next room. Hopefully by the time inspection comes, they will all be in much better shape. I hate seeing you running ragged day and night 2 or 3 days before inspection takes place. You know that doesn't work - time to try something different. Sending you lots of hugs as you go through this!
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Post by phoenixcat on Mar 16, 2018 10:19:19 GMT -5
Possible trigger question! I'm not a hoarder so I hope I'm not offending with this question. And, I don't know if your individual answers may make it worse or better. But I do see here that many hoarders also give away. It is tough but maybe due to this board or friends IRL - they can give away. So my question is do you remember what you have given away and feel upset thinking about it gone? I know many of you feel pain about what you have lost due to hoarding - things damaged, homes damaged, things lost and possibly stolen with no way to know for sure and no legal recourse, perhaps even relationships. But if you have actually designated something as a gift or donation and it has left your home - have you regretted it and mourned it? My thought is if you were able to give it away and not feel "later pain" then that might help now. Knowing that you haven't missed your other things, you haven't regretted supporting your favorite thrift shop, etc. might help with the decision fatigue and horrid feelings now. And, if this is triggering or makes you uncomfortable - I'm happy to delete it. Wishing you all the best as you conquer the hoarding demon and make progress to your goals.
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Post by peaceandfreedom on Mar 16, 2018 11:33:50 GMT -5
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Post by creativechaos on Mar 16, 2018 19:05:32 GMT -5
thank you so much for your thoughts, wishes, support, and good questions, hollyhock, phoenixcat, and peaceandfreedom! First of all, would all of you gentle people please stop offering to delete your posts? I am so grateful for your care about me and my situation, and i welcome the questions and reality checks!
pc, to answer your question in my rambling way: making the DECISION to get rid of anything, even a cardboard box, is hard for me. once i make the decision, and it may take a few to many go-rounds to put something in a box, that decision usually stands. I have regretted both selling and giving away some things; maybe 10 % or less of what i've let go. Those items I still remember and feel some angsty regret about. The rest, I have no problem or regret. I can live with those odds.
RE: Giving vs selling - giving seems easier because LESS decisions have to be made, such as how much to sell it for, where, advertising, ETC. I hate the fact that i have probably spent at least $40,000 on storage units in my adult life! And at times my thinking remains stuck there as i watch people profit from sales they make there at the units and i wonder why i am not doing it and making some dough. But i think i can give. i may have a few sales with what i consider the "better" items; i may not. i would like to be stuck less in that mindset of poverty and stinginess, and more in the spirit of generosity and gratitude for what i do have. Joshua Becker stresses this a lot and it's something that no other writer about clutter has done. All the time i get in the debate with myself about "sunk costs" and "making back a little of that money." Reality is, i have enough else on my plate that is both necessary to do, and more interesting to me. If i DO have a sale or sales i think i will donate something like 25% to some good local cause, like the local no kill animal shelter or one of many other worthy organizations.
Today i had the plan to get a few boxes out of storage to donate to the school yard sale. I did not do that. I stayed up too late, as usual. i got to work in here at about 10 a.m, feeling focused and ready to work steadily - i did that for about 5 hrs. I can see small differences and i feel i made some small progresses. there are things outside to load into the car for storage and releasing.; not much but a start. in some areas, things look a little more ordered in their piles. This is encouraging. I think i am going to keep going on this today, since i have some momentum. there will be other chances to donate and there is always the thrift store and the exchange - and the curb, as the weather improves.
the next logical thing is to deal with my car which is a shameful mess full of trash, disorder, dirt, and crapola. i would like to do this so that i can load the things in that are ready to take off the front landing.
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Post by peaceandfreedom on Mar 16, 2018 19:57:02 GMT -5
Yay, CC! 5 hours of work is significant! Good job!
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Post by danny15 on Mar 17, 2018 2:51:34 GMT -5
It sounds like you have an excellent plan in place CC! I'm glad you have a social worker who can work with you.
I hear you about purging too much at once. There is the rebound effect. Steady work with emotional breaks as needed works well.
Oh CC, I have never done well with challenges . I admit I am a coward ~ I can spur others on but I freeze when challenged myself. It's like I have to keep my goals somewhat secret. Then when I fail no one knows but me. It's terrible to have that mindset ~ when I fail, not if. My first challenge would have to be get over my fear of being challenged.
What I can commit with you to do is a certain number of hours each day. That would give us the freedom to bounce around with what we get done ~ clear something out, clean an area, maintain that area. I could do that in addition to my basics.
phoenixcat to answer your question ~~ yes, there have been many times I have regretted giving something away. I have a problem (think I've talked about it before) where there is something in my mind that can make me think that things have feelings. I KNOW they don't but I still FEEL like they do. For example if I give away a set of something I worry that those things might be separated and be sad and upset. Or as I am driving away it almost feels like a particular thing is crying out to me not to leave it. It can be very hard. I guess it's about my emotional state at that particular time. Dropping things at the Salvation Army is convenient but it feels like I am abandoning those things to an unknown fate. It's weird.
Like CC, sometimes the decision alone is hard. Her example of a cardboard box is perfect. Boxes are hard for me to get rid of. Hangers are another thing. Once I have made the decision I take them to recycling at the dump. It feels good to get junk out but it is not as easy as it is for most people I suspect. I kept the wire floral stands that held big arrangements at my father's funeral for years. Driving away after putting them in the metal recycling made me cry.
Some things are easy. If I can take something to a particular place and know that those things will be appreciated and used well then that makes me happy and it's easy. Like stuff for animals. Or giving toys and clothes directly to a mother and see her smile make me feel good and there are no regrets.
What CC said about giving away vs. selling is right. Less decisions have to be made and that's easier. I used to think I should sell online but so many headaches! Figuring an asking price, taking and posting pics, checking to see how fast something sells, packing, sending, figuring how to accept payment, what if the buyer is unhappy or claims package was never received? Is that really worth my time and effort?
I do believe I have been greatly blessed with material things and I do feel better when I can release those things in a spirit of gratitude for their service to me and the hope that those things will bless others.
CC mentioned the mindset of poverty and stinginess. My mindset is one of fear and gets very complicated. That's what can hold me back from letting things go. I have to get things done when I am feeling secure, open, expansive and safe. Hoarding is a mental/emotional disease for sure.
The ramblings of an insomniac.
CC, getting your car in shape is an excellent goal. My vehicles used to be literally trash cans decades ago. What kind of snapped me out of it was when friends would laugh and throw their crap on the floor as they got out. I check them now weekly and am kind of obsessive about it. It is great to be able to load 3 or 4 black trash bags and 7 or 8 kitchen trash bags and go straight to the dump without having to make room first.
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Post by phoenixcat on Mar 17, 2018 8:48:22 GMT -5
creativechaos danny15 Thank you both for reaching into your soul and replying to my question. I didn't doubt at all that the process leading to the giving away was mind sucking hard. But I was praying that a light on the other side when finished would give hope. Sounds like "it depends". Depends on the item and depends on the recipient. And, probably depends on a lot of other factors And, I can step into your shoes a bit when you described how things have feelings. I used to do that quite a bit when I was younger - as an only child - my imagination gave a personality to everything. And to this day I can still do that but my ability to turn it off has strengthened over time. That is not the case with stuffed animals I've stopped the acquisition and applied rules for incoming. However, when I'm near any stuffed animal display in a store - I will pick up any on the floor and put back on the shelves. And, if any are "alone" on the shelf - I will add friends. I will also return ones that have been moved to unrelated shelves. Good thing I don't go into Toys R Us very often Hugs to you PC
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Post by def6 on Mar 18, 2018 9:37:41 GMT -5
I'm excited for you creativechaos I feel an outpouring of love and support for you right now. Not only am I on board with that, but I also want to participate by getting things done at my house too. Right now I have made a hole in the clutter/trash in my garage.
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Post by creativechaos on Mar 18, 2018 21:18:36 GMT -5
i'm so happy to have you do whatever you can with me, danny15 - no pressure, no challenges - just another person with the same struggles, wanting to work on things, knowing theres a companion and someone to encourage - i hope we can do this for each other. i'm not keeping score or keeping track. just trying to plug away each day at something. in reading what you said about things having feelings and how hard it is to release things, i could TOTALLY relate. Marie Kondo talks about this, and although some people think she is nuts to say this, i resonate with her on thanking and appreciating the things and releasing them love, and with the hopes that someone will love and use them - not neglect them or bury them, as i have. i'm pretty sure that Shinto Buddhists believe that everything is sentient. Animists definitely do, and i think my cosmology is somewhere in this realm - my "god" is the molecules. so what you say not only makes sense to me, i think the same way too. there is much sadness that goes in discarding/releasing/abandoning things. i think it's why i go to so many "charitable causes" yard sales and want to "save" these once loved and used things from the landfill. I can't STAND the thought of throwing things into the dumpster and landfill. so please know you are not alone, dear danny15. i rarely buy anything new for this same reason. i don't want to support the culture of sweatshop labor and throwaway society. This is not to judge anyone else! i have to live by my own code, and amnesty in throwing things out is a legitimate way to do things as well. i think i just LIKE "used" things better; they have stories to tell and they are getting another life when they go to someone else to love or use.
i can use this thread as sort of a listzilla of accomplishments and start a new thread if you think that is appropriate, danny15. or you can if you wish - and we can visit - i'm not sure how to go about this, only that i know i have to, and want to keep my living space. i have had a few "good" days - which for me is any action, no matter how small. a lot of it may just be spinning my wheels and denial, but some things are getting consolidated, a few more things are going into the "release" box, and the piles are getting more sorted, even if not smaller right now. i have let the garden completely go right now but have to get to work at my garden and the storage owners' garden - they'll be home in a week!
peaceandfreedom, thank you so much for your support and cheers - you too, hollyhock! def6; i read about your wanting to declutter and reclaim your back porch - sending you cheers and encouragement- you are welcome here anytime - and huge on getting the trash and recycle out of the garage!
phoenixcat, your questions are welcome anytime. they really help me think about and examine things as i work along, and see where my beliefs are, and what i can do anyway.
everyone, don't hesitate to say and ask me things - you are all very kind, never mean about things or judgmental. your input is always helpful, and welcome.
today's tadas were: 1) i am consolidating and sorting art supplies "like with like." it took time. i labeled the small tubs. i also put a few art supplies in donate pile. i turned down an entertainment center that my downstairs neighbors offered me; i almost bit the bait and thought, NO. use what i have and make it work! if i get more sorted out and stuff reduced, i can "upgrade" later - but LOTs more has to go before that can happen. 3) moved wicker rocker into LR. it probably needs to go, but i can't bear the thought of that yet, so am enjoying it there in the crowded corner since all other sitting places except at the computer are unusable at present. 4) kept up with dishes, cat litter, meals.
i intend to do a lot more tonight. didn't get to the car. it will NEVER be cleaned out all the way. right now it is full of stuff though, much of which goes to storage. i hope that by tomorrow or sometime this week, i can take some boxes to the Exchange or thrift store.
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Post by def6 on Mar 18, 2018 22:07:25 GMT -5
Working right along with you creativechaos I knew when I kept thinking about the one square foot of cleared space that I made in the garage... that I would go back out there. I have cleared an entire wall in the two car garage, cleared a shelving unit and rolled the shelving unit to the side. So the only thing along this wall is a refrigerator and a large air compressor in the corner. DH put up two shelving units along the wall. I'm going to use this space to store kitchenware and the other side camping gear. That will leave two storage selves that roll I can put side by side or each coming out from the wall probably for DH's things. I have reached a comfortable stopping point for the night. Tomorrow I plan to clean out the extra refrigerator and decide if it will stay in the garage or not. I am super stoked and grateful that I was able to get as far as I did. We ate leftover beef stroganoff.
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