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Post by paperpiler on Nov 28, 2008 21:47:31 GMT -5
Umm...maybe I'm missing something, but is the father of these twins and this new baby in the picture? If so, why is he not taking some responsibility?
Also, did you mention (or do you want to mention) where you live? There have been times when someone is so distraught (BTDT) that I think, hey if she lives nearby, I can go over and try to help out. But then I never know where anyone lives most of the time.
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Post by timetochange on Nov 29, 2008 21:56:40 GMT -5
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
lillith had very good advice!
Also try the YMCA. They have scholarships for membership and some of them allow you to drop off the kids for a couple of hours at their daycare. Plus being able to swim and "wear out" the kids would relieve stress and burn off their energy!
Also apply for unemployment if you were laid off, and any state assistance you qualify for (housing, food stamps, WIC, Medicaid, LEAP/HEAP Energy Assistance, Food Commodities, etc...).
Call womens shelters/abuse hotlines (plus Catholic Charities/Salvation Army/United Way) and tell them you are in danger of being homeless while pregnant with small children. See if they can help with housing.
Does your area do 211.org??? They are a directory for getting help. Ours is run by the United Way.
Are you also depressed? You may need to ask the doc for help, thewre are several meds you can take while pg, especially after the first trimester.
See if any local preschools have a scholarship, especially church ones.
The three year olds may enjoy "cleaning". A spray bottle with water and a rag is "fun" to "clean" with. A tiny dollar store whisk broom and dustpan. A wet rag.
Getting rid of as many "messy toys" as possible helps too.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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Post by fluffernut - now Jannie on Nov 30, 2008 10:27:04 GMT -5
Tell your parents how bad things are. Ask your Dad to take the kids away for a few hours and ask your Mom to help you clean. I'll bet she'll jump at the chance. And keep praying, it always helps.
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Post by threedecades on Dec 6, 2008 15:35:47 GMT -5
I haven't been on since my last reply to this post... had a bout of food poisoning and the kids got sick again.
I have daycare paid for since I'm on the work to welfare program. My children seem to have anxiety issues that impair their immune systems. They simply do not do well in daycare. Nobody seems to understand this. I've been working myself to death since I arrived in this state(Louisiana for those who were asking) and my kids have been sick numerous times and we've suffered 3 hospital stays between the two just in the last year. I can't do it anymore! Once upon a time I thought that a single mom could just put her kids in daycare and support her family and leave a normal life -- but my kids get horribly ill to the point of pneumonia and losing weight, stunting their growth even. They are like their mother -- immune system crashes under stress.
When I lost my job back in May due to missing work due to sick children, I spent over 4 months unemployed and they were not sick one day of it, they both gained lots of weight and had growth spurts and for the first time since I had had to put them in a daycare, didn't have runny noses and crap building up in their eyes all the time. Just this past October I started this horrible "work to welfare" program... in return for $240 per MONTH they expect me to volunteer 30 hours per WEEK... with my children in daycare(costing them another $800 go figure)... I would need at least $900 per month to pay my basic bills, so not only am I wasting my time, but I am endangering my children's health and my own with all the extra stress this adds. They got sick barely a week after starting the daycare and they had to miss a couple days and get medicine... I found a new job and then got fired three weeks later when they found out I was pregnant... kids were sick again, so I guess it "worked out"... then I was forced to volunteer for no money because of work to welfare, so they had to stay in daycare... 2 days later I get a call, one child has high fever burning up... and you see the pattern. It is really ridiculous, I have never heard of someone else going through this quite this bad. They developed a chronic cough and they their doctor literally disappeared -- like the building was gone when I drove there because they weren't answering their phone! No notice, no way to get a referral... and now my welfare case is getting sanctioned because I am unable to get a doctor's note for those few days before thanksgiving. No one was available and I came down with horrible food poisoning(some tainted unexpired WIC milk) at the time anyway.
The kids wake me up several times in the middle of the night, I am so tired all the time... I'm on medicaid and it is horrible... I can't find an OB doctor in this area that is on the same page as I am... and I have no direct communication with her -- I've had UTI symptoms for a month now that I have called several times about, but they won't see me or prescribe anything till the 9th... been doing cranberry juice, vitamin C etc
I'm already on a lot of the programs -- medicaid, foodstamps, wic... we would have no food or medical care without them... oh and I know most people think that parents care for their kids -- but my parents are in no way taking the kids every Sunday to "give me a break"... it just works out that way for me. These are their only grandchildren and they want to see them -- they only see them when *they* feel like it -- maybe I should mention I moved to this place that I hate because of their false promises to help with childcare. My mother is only 49 years old and has never had a job since she was 17 so she isn't some ailing senior... she is seriously mentally ill though will never admit it or try to get any help and when she gets alone with me, she likes to go creepy and belligerant and yell in my face that I am selfish for not giving up this new baby for adoption(she is afraid I will ask them for money) or how I am leading my babies on the path to hell etc etc. She is a horrible woman and I think having her here to clean would be even worse for me than my dirty bathrooms and clutter(and that is saying a lot).
The twins' father? Dead beat, child support cannot locate him. I have never received a dime. The father of this new baby? He has helped some... but this was so unplanned, such a mistake... I am personally morally opposed to abortion. That is all I can say on that, but this wasn't how I wanted things. He also asks me why I can't just keep things cleaned up.
My depression is situational... I have severe reactions to those types of drugs(hallucinations, hands/fingers jerking involuntarily) and cannot take them. I can't take most drugs actually, even extremely low dosages... I am mildly "multiple chemical sensitivities" I suspect.
I am educated and really have no problem getting a job... but right now I am in a sad state... no money because of everything I explained above. I am feeling extremely asocial on top of everything else... I don't want strangers in here, I'm embarrassed with just my children and I here... when the kids are in daycare, the house is generally a lot better... but the payoff is sickly ill kids and me dying of stress and anxiety waiting for hours and hours for doc appointments if they are available at all, so this right now is the lesser evil. I think I will just cancel the welfare.... because they require my kids to be in daycare full time and it isn't possible and are enforcing disciplinary action on me... I will be losing my only source of income, but it is barely paying a fraction of anything anyway.
I know this is whiny and depressed... this whole *** thing... is just awful. But in the end it doesn't matter how educated I am on this or that or how many languages I speak... I have to protect these kids and for some reason that only a god(if one existed) would know, we are incompatible with daycares... they are in one of the best ones in town right now... it isn't some bad place.... but really I have written enough, too much... thank-you all for your concern, it is very touching.
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Post by messymimi on Dec 6, 2008 16:12:47 GMT -5
Threedecades, if you want to, send me a private message and tell me if you are anywhere in the Greater Baton Rouge area.
messymimi
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Post by Script on Dec 6, 2008 16:15:08 GMT -5
my children seem to have anxiety issues that impair their immune systems. They simply do not do well in daycare. Nobody seems to understand this [/size] My mother (age 82+, cancer survivor) is unfortunately not available at this time to send a personal reply, but I KNOW that she has ALWAYS claimed that my youngest sister was NOT able to endure mom's absence from the home. Baby Script is 5 years younger than me. Mom said Baby would RUN A TEMPERATURE if left alone with a sitter. Baby was also sick A LOT; hospitalized; terrible fevers and infections; very weak; missed a ton of school later on; picky eater; frail. Baby Script is NOW Dr. Baby Script, big-shot university professor and successful text-book writer. You are not alone, Dear Friend, and KNOW that some of us here KNOW what you are talking about.
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Post by threedecades on Dec 6, 2008 16:29:37 GMT -5
Threedecades, if you want to, send me a private message and tell me if you are anywhere in the Greater Baton Rouge area.
messymimi MM -- I am way up North unfortunately in the Ark-LA-Tex... but thank-you.
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messymomma
New Member
Joined: November 2008
Posts: 79
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Post by messymomma on Dec 6, 2008 16:36:22 GMT -5
I'm in Tennessee, Memphis area...you're probably like 6 hours or less from me. We should talk, exchange numbers...gas is so cheap right now it wouldn't be too horrible to meet halfway and just talk, have some coffee. Trust me....I was where you are, a year ago I couldn't drag myself out of the bed before 2 pm, I was letting my son miss preschool all the time, I would barely make him food, I just wasn't feeling the wife thing, the mom thing, the responsibilty thing, whatever THING I was supposed to have to make me clean my house and take care of my family, it was GONE. We were broke, our car got repo'd, the house was disgusting....life sucked. Then we moved, it was only an hour away but it was a FRESH START. I'll admit I let this new house go at first, but then I got my butt in gear. Is it always spotless? Heck no! But I keep up the laundry, the dishes, sweep, vacuum, etc...I might not do everything, everyday, but I vacuum 2-3 times a week, laundry every weekend, dishes everyday-every other day, etc...I've learned that it's ok to not be perfect, and to not expect myself to go from one extreme (squalor) to the other extreme (perfectionist) that there is a happy medium. It all started with going to bed, literally. I forced myself to be in bed by no later than 11pm, and I set the alarm for 6:02AM, and I was out of the bed by 6:30AM, NO EXCUSES. I might stay in my pjs all day long, but I was up, and I made sure my husband and son were fed in the morning, had lunches for work and school, and got out the door. At first that was ALL I did, I laid my butt on the couch the rest of the day and watched tv, then at 5pm I got up and made dinner for them, even if it was tv dinners, I served my family food and we ate together, everyday. All I'm saying is that it has to start SOMEWHERE, and what seemed like normal activities (like getting out of bed, feeding my family) were huge steps for me!! It all got better from there, and things will get better for you too, I swear. Does your mom work? You said your parents take the kids on Sunday right? Maybe your mom could watch them a couple hours through the week. Hate to say it, but instead of just chillin on the couch when the kids are gone on Sundays, you gotta get up and get some stuff done. Even if it's bagging up ONE load of trash, and doing ONE load of dishes...or getting to the laundry mat and doing ONE load of wash, getting home, and putting it away...start small! Let me know if there is anything you need, or anything I can do!
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Post by threedecades on Dec 6, 2008 16:39:45 GMT -5
my children seem to have anxiety issues that impair their immune systems. They simply do not do well in daycare. Nobody seems to understand this [/size] My mother (age 82+, cancer survivor) is unfortunately not available at this time to send a personal reply, but I KNOW that she has ALWAYS claimed that my youngest sister was NOT able to endure mom's absence from the home. Baby Script is 5 years younger than me. Mom said Baby would RUN A TEMPERATURE if left alone with a sitter. Baby was also sick A LOT; hospitalized; terrible fevers and infections; very weak; missed a ton of school later on; picky eater; frail. Baby Script is NOW Dr. Baby Script, big-shot university professor and successful text-book writer. You are not alone, Dear Friend, and KNOW that some of us here KNOW what you are talking about.[/quote] Thank you for validating this, most people just look at me like I am crazy or trying to make up some excuses. I was the same way as a child -- mom had me in daycare for several months while I was a baby and my ear drums burst on two different occasions(for no known reason) and I endured numerous infections/sicknesses. Then she pulled me out because of this and I was at home till age 5 and apparently just fine... till I started preschool. It was only half a day and a decent little preschool -- but I got pneumonia so bad I almost died within 4 months of starting along with infection after infection -- and graphic gushing nosebleeds that didn't fully go away till I was about 15 years old. I was honorably discharged from the Navy at 20 years old because I was sick with no known medical cause. My blood platelets were low and my whole body was falling apart. After discharge, I gained back my strength and my blood returned to normal... it was apparently just too stressful of a life... I only lasted 2 years. Another thing to be depressed about... but I want to buck up I really do. I am fairly crafty and artsy. I want to get my room and desk cleared and cleaned and maybe start some doll projects I could try selling on ebay. I've even considered just trying to borrow some money to purchase a smaller camper... I would have to get rid of most of my crap and live simply... and I'd have to find a way to make some money for gas and a place to dump/hook up etc... and it would have to be well into next year... but I want to do something... my normal personality is ambitious and energy charged and creative and social... I am so not myself these days.
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messymomma
New Member
Joined: November 2008
Posts: 79
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Post by messymomma on Dec 6, 2008 16:42:31 GMT -5
You're only 4 hours from me....I'm extending help hun, it's all yours if you're willing to take it!
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Post by threedecades on Dec 6, 2008 17:09:45 GMT -5
You're only 4 hours from me....I'm extending help hun, it's all yours if you're willing to take it! That would be very generous of you, 4 hours is a long drive. I can't afford to pay anything, nor would I be able to travel and help you out in return. But oh if I could get these yucky bathrooms scrubbed... it is a small 2 bed 2 bath apartment apartment. If I knew I were getting some help, it might just motivate me to pick up all these clothes and separate out what will go to goodwill and empty my two fish tanks. I never have any guests over except when my parents briefly step in each week or when my bf stays here(not too often since he works all time), but since you understand squalor it would be different I am sure. Here is what is ailing most: kitchen: floors and fridge -- everything needs a good scrubbing. both bathrooms -- everything needs to be cleaned and sanitized! my bedroom -- haven't been able to properly vacuum for a year due to the clutter(mostly clothes and papers). living room -- crayon marks all over walls(I think they are washable crayons though - i hope)...ceiling fans are horrible dusty and gross. Can never seem to keep my tables clear. I think I need some boxes for my clothes... I just don't have a place for the overflow... I might be able to find some. I don't know, after reading all that, do you still think you could make it down here sometime? thank you
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Post by threedecades on Dec 6, 2008 17:46:33 GMT -5
I did it. The kids are napping so I emptied one fishtank and put it out by the dumpster for someone to find. It cost like $50... flourescent hood etc... but someone will have to clean the purple crayon marks off the outside etc. It has been sitting vacant taking up space in my room since June! It isn't worth the $10 I might have been able to get for it... cause I keep telling myself that and it went nowhere. Now it is gone... I still have one more, much larger to get rid of... but I can already see the difference.
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Post by Morningstar on Dec 6, 2008 18:38:30 GMT -5
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Post by sporadic on Dec 6, 2008 19:43:09 GMT -5
I did it. The kids are napping so I emptied one fishtank and put it out by the dumpster for someone to find. It cost like $50... flourescent hood etc... but someone will have to clean the purple crayon marks off the outside etc. It has been sitting vacant taking up space in my room since June! It isn't worth the $10 I might have been able to get for it... cause I keep telling myself that and it went nowhere. Now it is gone... I still have one more, much larger to get rid of... but I can already see the difference. That's EXCELLENT! One step at a time is all you need. I know it's hard but I also know that you can do it. You mentioned being crafty. Check out www.Etsy.com They are higher class than eBay and you will find more reputable buyers on there - and will likely get a higher price for the items you craft.
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hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815
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Post by hopehope on Dec 6, 2008 21:29:39 GMT -5
actually, what you wrote makes perfect sense.
The bureaucratic types don't believe/understand, etc. cause that's their job.
It's completely understandable.
handle things in the best way for you and your children.
good luck on the new baby.
No shame allowed!
a new life is a blessing.
hopehope
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