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Post by whirlwind80 on Jan 26, 2017 8:45:35 GMT -5
Hi everyone! I will write this post as if I am introducing myself to this community for the first time, but I think this actually might be my 8th, 9th, 10th time? I've been lurking and "trying" to participate on squalor survivors and stepping out of squalor for years and years. I highly doubt anyone will even know who I am because I've never been the type to consistently join in. Honestly I don't even remember when I found this place, but I am sure that it was at least 10 years ago. The user Fivecat might remember me because I was the person who found her avatar picture for her  Anyway, I don't understand why I can't consistently stick to something. So many times I have worked so hard on getting my environment up to livable standards, only to find myself backsliding once I tire of my new routine. I'll do good for a long time! I'll come here and do "working in threes" every single day and I'll make some really great progress, then one day I will decide that I deserve a break. I'll stop coming here and that one day turns into one week, the one week into one month, etc. until I find that my house looks like a bomb exploded and I'm sitting in the middle of it all...once AGAIN. Lather, rinse, repeat. Even now, here I am sitting around on my laptop typing away when I could be putting away toys, cleaning up the kitchen table, throwing away trash, etc. I can't stop procrastinating though! It is like I secretly want to live like this, yet I really don't. Somehow something else always seems more important to me at the moment! Even stupid things that honestly have no meaning. I could spend a whole day "window shopping" online, instead of cleaning up. Yes, looking at things that I will never really buy seems to out trump tidying up. Where is the logic in that? I don't like this yo-yo type of effect and I finally want to get my life in order, once and for all. I'm a stay at home mom and I've been married to my husband for 17 years. He is seriously a wonderful husband. He works hard as he is the breadwinner and I feel so guilty that he doesn't get to come home to a nice comfortable place. I do cook elaborate meals every day because I LOVE cooking, but that isn't enough. I should be pulling my own weight around here! I sometimes feel like I don't even deserve him because not once has he ever complained about the state of the house in 17 years. He even will pitch in with dishes, laundry, groceries, etc. and never complain! We have 3 children together (2 teenagers and a kindergartener) and our 4th is coming this summer. I want to FINALLY get everything together PERMANENTLY before this new addition arrives! I feel like everyone here, my husband, our children, our unborn baby, and MYSELF deserves a real home. I love this house that we live in so much. We inherited it from my husband's grandfather who built the whole thing from scratch and even this house deserves to be a real home. I know how to clean, I know how to throw things away, I know how to organize...I just don't know how to consistently stick with it. Any tips or ideas? How do I not procrastinate and backslide again and again and again? Thanks!  |
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Post by shellsncheese on Jan 26, 2017 9:01:20 GMT -5
Welcome back! People procrastinate for different reasons so it's hard to know why you procrastinate (heck, I can't even figure out why *I* procrastinate most of the time). I do think some making progress and then back sliding is normal. I found that each time I back slid it wasn't back as far, and it was easier and quicker to get back to maintenance. But since you asked here are my suggestions. - Are you a perfectionist? Try embracing the idea of good enough. The bed doesn't need to be made with military corners, just made. Don't make mole hills into mountains. - My concept of time was really off. I used working in threes for a while but the downfall of that for me was I would do three things than take a break. Well, the three things would only take maybe 15 minutes then I would take a 15 minute to 30 minute break. Not a lot of progress there. From that I moved to working for 10 minutes and seeing what I got done. Sometime I was amazed that things I had been putting off for months only took 10 minutes to fix. From there I just started timing things. For months I ran a timer almost all waking hours. I wouldn't record everything, but it helped normalize my internal clock. I've found that as I progressed from complete mess to maintenance I had to adapt my approach to fit my new life. If you are paralyzed right now, I would suggest just starting, somewhere, anywhere. If you like company the Workalong thread is usually pretty active. You have a bit of a built in deadline with the baby and it sounds like the motivation. When are you due?  |
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Post by moggyfan on Jan 26, 2017 10:32:40 GMT -5
Credit yourself for the things you do well! You're caring for three children (while growing a fourth!), making good meals for your family, and I'm sure many other things.
That said, I wonder if the problem is just *Too* *Much* *Stuff*. I was like you for a long time (frenzied clean-ups, short maintenance, relapse). Finally, about 10 years ago, I had an epiphany: I couldn't keep up with cleaning because there was T.M.S. all over the place, all the time, from knick-knacks, to dishes, to books, to clothing, to everything else (no toys though--no kids). I realized that as long as I was shuffling so much stuff around, I could not get permanent control of it, so I got rid of maybe 40% of my stuff. Perfectly good stuff, but TOO MUCH.
That made all the difference. Once surfaces were pretty clear, and nothing was on the floor, or permanently sitting out, or in piled boxes, when closets and cupboards had actual space in them, it took sooooooooo much less time and effort to maintain.
Don't know if that's your issue or not, but it's the only thing that did the trick for me. Good luck!
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Post by nonchalant on Jan 26, 2017 12:28:37 GMT -5
Hi everyone! I will write this post as if I am introducing myself to this community for the first time, but I think this actually might be my 8th, 9th, 10th time? I've been lurking and "trying" to participate on squalor survivors and stepping out of squalor for years and years. I highly doubt anyone will even know who I am because I've never been the type to consistently join in. Honestly I don't even remember when I found this place, but I am sure that it was at least 10 years ago. The user Fivecat might remember me because I was the person who found her avatar picture for her Anyway, I don't understand why I can't consistently stick to something. So many times I have worked so hard on getting my environment up to livable standards, only to find myself backsliding once I tire of my new routine. I'll do good for a long time! I'll come here and do "working in threes" every single day and I'll make some really great progress, then one day I will decide that I deserve a break. I'll stop coming here and that one day turns into one week, the one week into one month, etc. until I find that my house looks like a bomb exploded and I'm sitting in the middle of it all...once AGAIN. Lather, rinse, repeat. Even now, here I am sitting around on my laptop typing away when I could be putting away toys, cleaning up the kitchen table, throwing away trash, etc. I can't stop procrastinating though! It is like I secretly want to live like this, yet I really don't. Somehow something else always seems more important to me at the moment! Even stupid things that honestly have no meaning. I could spend a whole day "window shopping" online, instead of cleaning up. Yes, looking at things that I will never really buy seems to out trump tidying up. Where is the logic in that? I don't like this yo-yo type of effect and I finally want to get my life in order, once and for all. I'm a stay at home mom and I've been married to my husband for 17 years. He is seriously a wonderful husband. He works hard as he is the breadwinner and I feel so guilty that he doesn't get to come home to a nice comfortable place. I do cook elaborate meals every day because I LOVE cooking, but that isn't enough. I should be pulling my own weight around here! I sometimes feel like I don't even deserve him because not once has he ever complained about the state of the house in 17 years. He even will pitch in with dishes, laundry, groceries, etc. and never complain! We have 3 children together (2 teenagers and a kindergartener) and our 4th is coming this summer. I want to FINALLY get everything together PERMANENTLY before this new addition arrives! I feel like everyone here, my husband, our children, our unborn baby, and MYSELF deserves a real home. I love this house that we live in so much. We inherited it from my husband's grandfather who built the whole thing from scratch and even this house deserves to be a real home. I know how to clean, I know how to throw things away, I know how to organize...I just don't know how to consistently stick with it. Any tips or ideas? How do I not procrastinate and backslide again and again and again? Thanks!
This has happened to me so many times I no longer care about the 'why.' I just know that I work best when either dealing with a huge burst of energy, and I whirlwind around re-arranging and cleaning, or in little bitty dribs ' n' drabs here and there.
Example: I am incurably lay-ZEE, but also have aches and pains all over. So when I got up just now to spin the wash, I also grabbed a baking sheet and some foil and set it up for the chicken that goes in the oven later. Once I sit down, I don't wanna pop up again for a while!
(I should also mention that as a pre-teen and teen we lived in maybe Grade 1, and I could not bring friends home. But at this point there's no real squalor left, mostly clutter.)
So, welcome aboard, whirlwind, and hope any of this helps. |
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Post by purpleangel on Jan 26, 2017 14:18:30 GMT -5
whirlwind80I HEAR you! I get what you are saying. The knowledge that this needs to be done somehow does not translate into the actual DOING. I can let time "slip away from me" whenever it's time for cleaning. I've made a goal of having the first floor of my home clean and habitable by summer. But, that's a vague and undefined project. I've tried two things that are actually helping me DO the work. First is the idea I learned from this site: I am making concrete, doable baby steps. No more "I will clean the kitchen today." But "I will wipe the kitchen flat surfaces, clean off the kitchen table, sweep, mop." I seem to need clear, detailed instruction or I can wander off on a tangent. The second might sound a little odd, but in the last few weeks, it's made an incredible difference in me in so many ways. I've been writing in my blog about the "voices in my head" and about becoming a third-person observer of all that chatter in my mind. Most of it is just a running commentary. BUT: some of the thoughts in my head that I've observed really do trip me. Like "I should sit here and look at Amazon "for 5 minutes."" When I KNOW that isn't true - it can turn into an hour. So, I've actually interrupted that thought and replaced it with "I will do ten baby steps on the kitchen and reward myself with 15 minutes of internet." The reasons WHY I don't want to clean or organize don't matter to me anymore. They are powerful and varied. It doesn't change the FACT that I must do this housework. Another one that I've stopped is "I am too tired to do this project." NO. "I am tired, but I CAN do this project." Neither statement is true and my brain doesn't seem to care which is Truth. It (and my body) simply respond to the direction I mentally give. This may sound silly, but I am no longer trying to understand my very valid rationales for not cleaning. They don't matter to me. What MATTERS is that I don't want to live this way. No one is going to do this for me (darn it), so I must. It doesn't matter what I feel about that, or whether it's "fair" or "not my mess." I hope I am writing this in a way that makes sense. Being aware of my thoughts and changing their direction is reflected in how my house looks. And, ultimately, that makes me happy. Good luck! I hope you find a method that works for you!
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Post by def6 on Jan 26, 2017 15:43:49 GMT -5
Hello and welcome back whirlwind80 ! I hear your frustration over having to "begin again." I too have to pick myself up and commit to some plan... sometimes daily. But sometimes my systems last longer...for instance: We have a large family, therefore it makes sense for me to do 1 load of laundry per day to completion. If I don't get that load done everyday, then there is no way not to get behind on laundry. And since my self- discipline tends to wane...It is better for me to not skip a day. For me ...if I did my work yesterday , I am more likely to get it done today. Other things...Another area to attend to for large families is dishes. (Please tell me you have a dish washer) I start my day with an empty dishwasher to fill up throughout the day. When I cook...I clean up as I go, so all that is dirty are the plates that we are eating from...(in theory, everyone could very easily rake their own plate out and place it in the dishwasher at this stage) Picking up: Whether you call it picking up, straightening up, leaving no evidence, or tidying up... this one chore by far will save you when you have a large family. My house gets a "strewn" look like a tornado hit it .(but we don't say "strewn" here in the south we say "strowed.") Picking up has more of an impact than vacuuming, dusting or any of those chores that may( or may not) get noticed. Best of luck to you in all you do to acheive your goals for your house and your family. Try not to get too discouraged when one plan falls through...just commit to another and never give up. |
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Post by Arid on Jan 26, 2017 15:58:51 GMT -5
Recently, a member here posted a link to a TED talk that had to do with procrastination and why we do it.
The message that I took away from the somewhat-lengthy video was that we procrastinate because our subconscious detects some kind of "danger" in our doing the activity we wish to do. Once we convince ourselves that that idea is unfounded, it is much easier to do those "chores."
Arid
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Post by nonchalant on Jan 26, 2017 16:28:15 GMT -5
Recently, a member here posted a link to a TED talk that had to do with procrastination and why we do it. The message that I took away from the somewhat-lengthy video was that we procrastinate because our subconscious detects some kind of "danger" in our doing the activity we wish to do. Once we convince ourselves that that idea is unfounded, it is much easier to do those "chores." Arid |
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Post by joyinvirginia on Jan 27, 2017 14:38:11 GMT -5
Welcome back! Maintaining maintenance is hard! I try to invite people over every so often, gives me motivation to clean
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Post by whirlwind80 on Feb 8, 2017 7:56:51 GMT -5
Wow! Thank you everyone for replying. I didn't think that I would get so many replies!  I did read what everyone had to say and there are some really good tips in there, thank you!!! The baby is due smack dab in the middle of June, so I have about 4 months. It sounds like a lot, but I know how fast that will go by. I know that I work my best when I make a list because my mind wanders off track if I don't. Somehow I also feel like that if I write something down, then I want to see it done. I WANT too see the checkmark next to it and I won't rest until it is checked off!  Now I just have to work on finding the willpower to even make a list. Stop procrastinating and just do it. I made up a rough schedule on how I would like to see most of my days used, but let's see how that pans out. Today I'm not going to focus so much on housework, I will do some dishes, but I want to get something else done that I have been putting off for months. It is always on my mind every single day and I want it out of the way before I concentrate my efforts on the big picture. Thanks again everyone for your helpful advice about procrastination!  |
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Post by creativechaos on Feb 8, 2017 23:37:17 GMT -5
hi whirlwind - welcome always! if i knew you by another board name, i hope you may forgive my forgetfulness in not knowing or recognizing you, and i look forward to knowing you again. i have no "tips" - been here myself since long ago - maybe 11 years now. i still struggle every day, so no tips or words of wisdom except the ones i need to be following, too - but your post resonated 100% with me. what a joyous goal to set for yourself and your family; it's sometimes better to motivate toward your love of others, be it mates, children, or even pets. sometimes we can do for them what we can't do for ourselves. i read this today. it really spoke to me, regarding procrastination. it's not "housekeeping tips" but i feel any help i can get on the "inside job" of making the changes in my thinking and intentions can help me get back on track in the action part of things. wouldn't it be interesting to approach my "little problem" with hoarding, chronic disorganization, procrastination, and whirling around like a tumbleweed, with an attitude of openness - or any problem, big or small, that plagues us? for those not interested in the "why" of it, don't bother reading it. but taking this attitude into the 10 tiny steps in the kitchen or 15 min of paperwork or starting on taxes seems a helpful meditation. i think purpleangel's writing down the chatter while also doing what has to be done, fits nicely with this approach. zenhabits.net/openness/and don't forget to use structured procrastination to your advantage! www.structuredprocrastination.com/i hope you get to do that thing you really wanted to do - the one on your mind every single day. what a gift that will be to yourself. hugs, cc |
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Post by immaculata on Feb 14, 2017 16:44:56 GMT -5
I have no idea why you think of yourself as unable to stick to anything. I have no idea why I think of myself as unable to stick to anything.  I don't know about you but my best guess for myself would be a combination of factors. The biggest problem I have is procrastination out of feelings of overwhelm with the housework. That's one that can be tackled by, in my case, breaking big tasks down into small baby steps and making a list out of them, and then working through the list while taking regular breaks, or using a timer. This the easiest method for me. But then I'm a list fan! I even put 'take a shower' and 'brush my teeth' and 'empty dishwasher' on my list. And 'eat chocolate' so, as the old saying goes, at least one thing gets done.  The other side of procrastination for me, is procrastination out of feeling terrified by life in general. Getting stuck in a cycle of accumulating heaps of stuff and dirt, and then cleaning up and dealing with the excess, and then back to square one, is a fine distraction from the other goals I have. I have a bucket list and I want to do the things on it. But that's scary! Whereas repeatedly having to sort out my housekeeping issues isn't as scary. This is the kind of issue that college students have. When you find a student cleaning the oven? When an important essay is due.  Another factor would be bad habits. I was raised by a hoarder and another parent who just didn't care too much about housekeeping and anyway had a housekeeper to do most of it. So I'm still learning basic stuff about cleaning a house, like how to deal with cobwebs and how to clean limescale. Another factor would be structural problems, such as having too much stuff, up to and including too much furniture. It's a lot easier to dust a table when it doesn't have anything on it. It's a lot easier to hoover a room if there's nothing on the floor except the furniture. The less there is, the less work there is. So decluttering is a technique that helps me more and more as I go along, as is planning things better, like having cleaning spray under every sink. I think I have a sort of subconscious 'drama queen' liking for the big transformations of epic decluttering, too. It's boring to clean a little every day, rather than let the mess pile up and then clean and tidy everything in one swoop. But the 'sloth followed by the epic burst of decluttering and cleaning' approach is exhausting and wrecks my nerves and my mood. So I try to do a bit every day instead. I try to find my joy in having a clean, decluttered, serene place, rather than subconsciously seeking good feelings by allowing the place to become a pit of terribleness and then swooping in to clean up in a single dramatic span of time. Really, cleaning a house is like brushing one's teeth. It's doing it everyday that is important. It was deeply weird when I started decluttering to have spaces that didn't have anything in them. It was the visual equivalent of biting on foil. But the more decluttering one does, the easier it gets. It even gets to be fun. So I don't know, but those are my thoughts on the matter, FWIW. I would say to you that one thing that does help me is thinking big picture/small picture. Big picture: I want to do something towards my bucket list, and small picture: I want to do a bit towards keeping the house in reasonable shape. So I tried to accomplish this by doing one small baby step towards a bucket list goal (I researched a trip to Iceland) and one small bit of housekeeping, doing the bare minimum. I can't cope every day with doing loads of decluttering and cleaning, so I do as little as I can get away with, but I do do something. Today, for example, the whole house could do with hoovering and there's tonnes of work that needs taking care of. But I just put a wash on and I hoovered the kitchen. That's all I could cope with so that's all I did. Doing the bare minimum, but no less than the necessary minimum, keeps things in check. Congratulations on your wonderful family life and forthcoming new baby. Good for you! But I think perhaps that if you steer a little bit away from thinking 'I just want to get this house perfect before the new baby comes!' and steer more toward 'I just want to sort out one smallish housekeeping task today, and another small thing tomorrow,' you might find that you don't get as overwhelmed, and you don't get so tired as the days go by that you need to take a day off and then avoid starting again. The bare minimum can be a huge help. Best wishes. |
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Post by wit on Feb 14, 2017 23:44:37 GMT -5
I totally hear you about starting something full speed ahead and then letting it fall by the wayside. It is not easy to keep house day in, day out. Two thoughts that may or may not work for you: I like to think of tidying as "doing something for tomorrow me" because in my house it is usually me who will be dealing with it sooner or later. And, are you bored? This is counter-intuitive but sometimes the more I have to do the more I get done. When I had projects or job work to do, sometimes I would just speed through the housework and not even notice it. I didn't have time to procrastinate! I think I was more fulfilled, so I wasn't kicking in the traces as much. As much of a luxury as it is to stay home, I find it confining sometimes! I hope to get a part time job in the next few years.
Congrats and good luck with the pregnancy!
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