|
|
Post by sporadic on Dec 5, 2008 19:16:29 GMT -5
Sometimes my clutter/squalor bothers me, sometimes it doesn't. I'm currently on a mission to clean up the kitchen and I'm s-l-o-w-l-y getting there. I don't do well trying to clean even an hour or two - I despise the work.....so I clean in 10, 15 or 30 minute increments. I was so proud of myself the other night for putting in a full 30 minute cleaning session. I looked around the room and thought about how much better it looked. I went back in later to get something to drink and was expecting to look around the room and feel proud all over again. But when I went in, I saw the kitchen as it truly was - still pretty dang messy - and I still have more work ahead of me. What a letdown.
I know my computer room is the black hole of doom. I know it's messy when I walk in there to work. But sometimes I walk in and the sheer volume of crapola overwhelms me and I *truly* see it for the utter chaos that it is.
Why is it that we sometimes can truly see the mess and other times not? Is it denial?
|
|
|
|
Post by Script on Dec 5, 2008 21:04:06 GMT -5
Why is it that we sometimes can truly see the mess and other times not? Is it denial? Yes. No. Maybe. Also it might be: *time of day: everything in my house except the kitchen looks better during the day *lighting in the room: my kitchen looks 100% DIRTIER in bright sunlight *your general mood: I think everything looks worse (regardless of its actual condition) if I am tired. *what you are planning on doing in any given room: if I want to take a bath and the bathroom is grotty, this condition will bother me; if I need to find my keys and the kitchen hotspots are over-run, I will be upset. But if I want to take a bath and the cellar is over-run with boxes: well, who cares? *whether or not we are expecting guests, deliveries, repair people. Case in point: my house is ok right now. Not perfect, but ok. There is dust in many places; the kitchen floor is grotty; I have xmas projects in various places. HOWEVER, my neat freak judgemental overly bossy and generally PICKY mother is coming for my birthday lunch tomorrow. YIKES! |
|
Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
|
Post by Blackswan on Dec 6, 2008 0:03:58 GMT -5
Exactly right, I agree completely!
|
|
|
|
Post by CrimsonKat on Dec 6, 2008 0:45:26 GMT -5
I have been seeing my squalor a lot more lately. I recognize it instead of going numb and blind. Sometimes it really surprises me. I think, "Oh, it's not that bad." Then I see how freaking messy it is and realize, I need to do a good deep clean. That is my plan this weekend. I've been trying to do a bit every night, so things don't fall back into complete chaos, but I need to make a nice list that I can do and fill in with cute red checkmarks!
|
|
|
|
Post by notsomessyshell on Dec 6, 2008 2:19:04 GMT -5
I was thinking about this the other night. I completely understand. I think it has a lot to do with my mood. When I am in a bad mood it all bothers me. When I am happy it is just not that big of a deal. AND if I am angry about something I will be more inclined to yell at the fam for their part in our living condition. Yeah that helps a lot. But when I am in a good mood I don't throw a fit about a little mess.
Script you are so right about the room usage thing. Hit it right on. I suppose if I ever allowed anyone in it could be a problem then, too. Maybe someday.
|
|
|
|
Post by heylady1 on Dec 7, 2008 7:34:01 GMT -5
I think you can add distracted to the list too. Right now my back porch is once again becoming messy. If I have a lot on my mind or I'm in the middle of something else I won't even notice it. If I'm relaxed and just opening the door to let the dog in I'll look and think to myself how in the world did that creep up on me again?
|
|
|
|
Post by AnnieOkie on Dec 7, 2008 15:19:46 GMT -5
One thing that really helped open my eyes fully was to post pictures of my home in the Photos! section of this board. Even if you aren't ready to do that, just taking them and putting them on your home computer....so you can see them in living color....will help see it in a new light. Hope this helps.
But please do feel free to be proud of yourself for every minute and each little thing you do to improve your home. Those baby steps add up to giant ones in the long run!
|
|
|
|
Post by morningglory on Dec 7, 2008 19:23:17 GMT -5
Perhaps "denial" in its true sense--a coping mechanism. We cannot always fully acknowledge *any* area of our lives that needs so much work. It would overwhelm us, sap our energy, leave us in despair. So our minds filter it to what we can deal with at any given time. We need to be able to step back and see what needs to be done, be honest with ourselves (that's where the photos really help me). But, at the same time, if we constantly saw the hell-hole our homes have become, we would be tempted to give up.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ican on Dec 7, 2008 22:49:17 GMT -5
Sometimes my clutter/squalor bothers me, sometimes it doesn't. ... <snip> ... Why is it that we sometimes can truly see the mess and other times not? Is it denial? It is true for me also that sometimes my clutter bothers me, and sometimes it doesn't. Most of the time, when I am here by myself, I seem to be blind to the clutter, and it doesn't bother me. However, if I think of someone coming to my house, then all of a sudden, it seems like the clutter stands out glaringly, and I feel embarrassed and ashamed by it. I think for myself the reason that my clutter doesn't bother me is because I grew up living in a very cluttered house as a kid. (And besides myself, my mother and sibling still have cluttered homes.) So, it just seems kind of normal to me, because I'm used to it since I've been around it all my life. But if I ever go to other people's homes and see how they live, with their clean, clutter-free homes, and then I realize what seems normal to me is not what seems normal to the majority of people. You asked if it was denial. I don't know what the reason is. But it is an interesting topic. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I can relate to what you posted.  |
|
|
|
Post by lettinggo on Dec 9, 2008 6:45:01 GMT -5
Absolutely. And even when it is not my eyes fooling me, there is sometimes no emotion stirred, no *connection* made, when I see the clutter. I see it intellectually, and think, "oh, I should pick that up", then don't.
It took taking pictures to really start my "seeing", and then looking at the photos to really, really see.
|
|
outofchaos
New Member
Joined: December 2008
Posts: 65 
|
Post by outofchaos on Dec 9, 2008 10:40:48 GMT -5
When I first got married, I didn't see it. And when I started to see it, I didn't care. And then, one day, I started to care. And, more recently, I started to do something about it. That's been my journey.
|
|
|
|
Post by gottaproblem on Dec 9, 2008 16:19:45 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by dayeanu on Dec 12, 2008 20:41:09 GMT -5
I remember one time many years ago when my living room was fairly neat. A lady dropped by and I thought to myself, "well, the living room is neat. I can let her in." So I threw open the door and welcomed her in. As we sat there chatting I noticed her looking around. This made me begin to look around, too. I saw the room, as for the first time, through her eyes. Dust, cobwebs, nasty carpet. Little piles of clutter, things that shouldn't be in the living room. I was silently horrified.
I think we don't see, because that is our coping mechanism. Otherwise, the chaos would rattle our nervous systems to the core.
|
|
