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Post by messyang on Dec 7, 2008 22:12:05 GMT -5
I was just wondering if anyone else struggled with self esteem , and if you felt it was related to your squalor problems. I don't want to gripe, but I have always had low self esteem, and sometimes I think that I don't clean because I don't feel I deserve a nice house. I also live in a mobile home (though, at one time it was a very nice one...almost 2000 sq. feet, and a fireplace), but now in its disrepair, I almost think..."Why bother cleaning?...the place is a dump anyway, and I don't have any friends that will visit". I keep thinking that if I had a million dollar home I would take care of it, and then I would care, but I think it is depression that keeps me down. Does anyone else suffer from low self esteem or depression, and does it affect your ability to clean your home? Anxious to hear...
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Post by notsomessyshell on Dec 7, 2008 22:39:15 GMT -5
I had more self esteem before the squalor. The squalor has affected my self esteem in a very negative way. Which in turn leads to more squalor because why should I care....vicious circle. So what if you live in a mobile home. If it is clean you might just feel like repairing what is needed.
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Post by brenda on Dec 8, 2008 0:03:44 GMT -5
I don't think it has been a self esteem issue for me personally. Maybe an ego problem in that I rarely considered others feelings enough to take action (roommates etc) while living in filth.
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Post by stressedbythemess on Dec 8, 2008 9:13:53 GMT -5
It is for me.
I'm down at level 1 I would say or less everywhere. (1 on a scale of 4, on a picture scale of 9 no room is worse than a 2).
It drags mine down but i will get *** when I am feeling down. I've talked about it with my shrink and it's me being perfectionist, and also me having roommates.
I am hoping to make progress between now and the move, and get a really good fresh start there.
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Post by sporadic on Dec 8, 2008 9:15:48 GMT -5
I had more self esteem before the squalor. The squalor has affected my self esteem in a very negative way. Which in turn leads to more squalor because why should I care....vicious circle. I'm the same way. |
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outofchaos
New Member
Joined: December 2008
Posts: 65 
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Post by outofchaos on Dec 8, 2008 13:20:16 GMT -5
I think it's definitely related for me. The squalor does not help.
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Post by gottaproblem on Dec 8, 2008 14:20:32 GMT -5
I had more self esteem before the squalor. The squalor has affected my self esteem in a very negative way. Which in turn leads to more squalor because why should I care....vicious circle. me 2  |
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Post by dayeanu on Dec 8, 2008 14:25:25 GMT -5
I don't know which came first, the squalor or the low self-esteem. But I will tell you this, I was given a lovely, expensive home 13 years ago, and guess what it looks like now.
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Post by Script on Dec 8, 2008 14:48:47 GMT -5
Does anyone else suffer from low self esteem or depression, and does it affect your ability to clean your home? I have had serious problems with depression and anxiety. I am in ongoing treatment (Celexa) plus I take meds (Elavil) for my fibromyalgia. My HOUSE was never 'that bad' (level 1-2) even at my worst, with ongoing level 3 (rotting food) in the fridge. My house is always at its absolute worst when I am low.... I also have had enormous problems with financial squalor AND body squalor. The skin picking problems are directly related to the depression/anxiety. I am considerably better with my hands, and no longer bite my nails, but I have had YEARS of the bloody stumps. Which makes it hard to clean, even with gloves. Don't ask about dusting...... I am a lot better in many ways, and am working on a LIFELONG mood-management programme (I am not a true bi-polar, but I have hideous mood swings: TOOOOOOO up sometimes. Sometimes when I talk to friends on the phone, I know I am shouting and interrupting and generally unable to focus quietly). I feel that my demand sensitivity makes me afraid to tackle things that I can't do perfectly. I can be wracked with guilt too. I read once that we should make what we have as 'nice as possible' and NOT be distracted by the shabbiness or 'unworthiness' of ourselves or our possessions. From what I have read, LOTS of people give up cleaning because they think "the place is a dump anyway" so why bother? Certainly, when we had the terrible roof leaks and other home repair neglect, I stopped cleaning certain things (I'm sure I didn't vacuum the stairs for many years). This sure didn't HELP.  |
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Post by messymimi on Dec 8, 2008 14:53:07 GMT -5
Yes, on both counts.
I feel unworthy of anything, and I'm depressed. I'm not sure which came first, but low self-esteem, depression, and squalor feed off of each other. They are my three-headed Hydra -- cut off one head, and two more grow back.
It does not help that our house was built wrong and will eventually have to be demolished, and we will not get out of it what we have put in. Meanwhile, it is a money pit just to maintain so we can keep it habitable.
Nice things around here just get destroyed by cats, children, or husband too. So suddenly getting a nice house and a fresh start would probably only be a temporary fix at best.
messymimi
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Post by Ican on Dec 8, 2008 23:58:03 GMT -5
I had more self esteem before the squalor. The squalor has affected my self esteem in a very negative way. Which in turn leads to more squalor because why should I care....vicious circle. me 2 Same here. Me too. |
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Post by lettinggo on Dec 9, 2008 6:24:27 GMT -5
I have a feeling it is all connected. But wow! 2000 sq feet. My house isn't that big! To me, that IS a mansion.
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Post by messyang on Dec 9, 2008 22:40:52 GMT -5
Thank you for all the replies. It is wonderful that I am not the only one. And as far as my mobile "mansion", yes, once I had a top of the line manufactured home on a beautiful 2 acres in the country. After the death of my husband in 2004, the house is in disrepair (carpet torn, holes in wall, wooden trim split, electrical wiring problems, plumbing issues...). My land is overgrown, and tree limbs even sit atop my home and power lines (dangerous)! I have no family or "man" to help me. Being a single mom, and supporting them take all my time. Though I once had a decent home, it is now so ugly that I wonder "Why bother..." It takes everything I have in life to rise from my single bed each morning, put on a happy face and go to work, then come home and deal with my four kids and no Dad. Cleaning, organizing and such has taken a back seat. I feel worthless. God bless you all and your answers.
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Blue
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Joined: November 2008
Posts: 92
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Post by Blue on Dec 10, 2008 0:46:11 GMT -5
You are not worthless ! You are a mom and a provider. The fact you get out of bed everyday to work and then come home and take care of your kids is a huge accomplishment. It's very hard to tackle clutter when you have kids. I am a student and I have 5 kids still at home and by the time they all go to bed/sleep I still down and tackle my homework. I do have time during the day when my kids aren't home where I could declutter but I lack motivation and I am situationally depressed. I get distracted easily and ignore the mess around me. Sometimes I wake up through the night and think to myself "whose house is this?" Lately, I have been asking myself" Where did all this stuff come from? Who brought it here?" I know it was me but man o man there is so much stuff! I have been to many psychiatrists and have tried several anti depressants but they didn't work. I have 2 sons who have ADHD and read that there is a 40% chance that one of the parents has it as well. I have been reading up on depression/dysthymia and ADD in adults , and I seriously think I have been misdiagnosed all these years. The symptoms for ADD fit me like a glove. Anyways, take care of yourself the cleaning and organizing will come even if its one small task a day  |
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Post by Ican on Dec 10, 2008 1:31:09 GMT -5
you are not worthless ! You are a mom and a provider. The fact you get out of bed everyday to work and then come home and take care of your kids is a huge accomplishment. It's very hard to tackle clutter when you have kids. ... <snip> ... Anyways, take care of yourself the cleaning and organizing will come even if its one small task a day MessyAng, I agree with what Blue wrote above. I'm really sorry that you are feeling down. I'm glad you're here. :-) Sending best wishes your way:  And a hug:  |
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