New and freaking out Dec 29, 2017 8:58:38 GMT -5 creativechaos, def6, and 7 more like this Quote Select PostDeselect PostLink to PostBack to Top Post by neff on Dec 29, 2017 8:58:38 GMT -5 Hi, I have struggled with squalor for at least 10 years. I think it may be exacerbated by my bipolar disorder which I receive treatment for, but I do still have some psychotic symptoms like disordered thinking, and I have complex grief issues, but I have never told my psychiatrist about my issues at home because I am worried he will send someone here. I have spent a bit of time in psychiatric hospitals over the past couple of years with bipolar depression and epilepsy, and the squalor has got more out of control when I have been sick (when I get really depressed it's hard to even do stuff like shower and get dressed). Currently I would say my house is at third degree mainly due to the state of the kitchen, and some stuff doesn't work in the house anymore because I don't like to have people inside so if things stop working I just don't call to get it fixed. Because I own my house and live by myself there isn't anyone else to complain about that. I have quite an accumulation of possessions in spare rooms, which I am not really attached to, I just don't really know how to get rid of them because I can't drive and I'm very socially isolated so can't ask anyone for help, and I also have trouble organising things and working out what I need to keep or throw out, I get confused. I think if I really needed to I could honestly just throw the lot out, I am just so over it. I just don't know how to go about it.The reason that I am freaking out and joined here is that my house caught on fire today. I didn't realise because my house is really big and it was the back of the house outside, and the fire men were knocking on the door for ages because I won't ever answer the door to people. Of course I had to let them in and that was awful. Immediately I thought it must be my fault. The police and fire men were really nice and saying they weren't going to hurt me and were there to help, I had been screaming at them to go away so they could probably tell something wasn't right. They said someone probably threw a cigarette butt which started the fire.Anyway, this is all just so completely unmanageable. My house catches fire and I don't even want to let the fire brigade in to help me. The reality that people could need to come into my house at any time for an emergency has me feeling threatened. I have been "managing" my situation by keeping the doors shut. Now I have to make an insurance claim so the insurance people and contractors will be coming around too. Of course I have started cleaning already. But at various times I have undertaken complete clean ups of my house and have never been able to maintain it. And I don't know what to do about all the possessions that have piled up. Honestly, I feel like most of the time I am just completely blind to the state of my house and don't even notice it, not even all the stuff that doesn't work anymore.Thanks for reading.