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Post by crazycatlady on Dec 20, 2008 13:42:51 GMT -5
Hello, I am CrazyCatlady. That was a new nick when I first joined the previous site Squalor Survivors. I chose a new name because I was ashamed of my messy home, and didn't want anyone in real life to know about it. I am no longer ashamed of the level of cleanliness in my home, but I am glad that I am able to "talk" freely to people who became dear on-line friends as I decluttered and desqualored my home.
I found Squalor Survivors while looking for help for someone I knew with severe squalor and hoarding, including animal hoarding. I am no longer in touch with her, but was able to give her some information and some hope. But in studying to try to find help for her, I found a lot of help for myself. I had just thought that I was messy, l@zy, disorganized, a slob, and incompetent at keeping a home that flowed smoothly. I thought it was a matter of just trying a little harder. But of course I had tried for years, to no avail. I was approaching the problem all wrong, and couldn't see it. Through things learned here, I have changed and grown a lot. It isn't an easy process. I remember being in chat or on the forums, being challenged by people who I thought were nuts. What, me give up _____? That one little ____ isn't what is causing the problem! Yet over time, I realized that it wasn't each individual thing that I clung to that held me back, it was all of them combined that were killing me. Many items that sat ignored and unseen by me, which were strangling me and my family.
I hope that when others are challenged to let go of their stuff on the forum or in chat, that they will take it as a challenge. Meaning a nudge to stretch and grow a little. Sometimes those nudges had to rattle around in my head for months or years before they took effect. And so often, I would make a first pass, and let some stuff go. Then later as I resorted those items, I would find one or two more that could go. Sometimes much later, I would realize that even more stuff had lost its hold on me, and I was ready to send it off.
I am impressed by the people who seem to move quickly, throwing mounds of stuff away. I am saddened by people who cannot seem to let go of hardly anything. I am encouraged by those (HopeHope comes to mind) who struggle with letting go, but somehow manage to keep fighting, day by day, and allowing the stuff to release its hold on them, and pushing it out of their way so they can live life. 
More about me...I live in the midwest, with my wonderful husband and three kids. My oldest lives out of state. My family has been very supportive as I cleaned. One big thing that I learned was that it felt like I can't do it all because I can't. And it wasn't healthy for my family for me to try. They needed to learn how to ETE (eliminate the evidence), too. Still working on that skill.
Today, there was major cat barf in ds9's room. (He is my youngest.) We talked about it a bit, and I had to help him with a plan. But he cleaned it all himself, unwatched by me. Then put away the rag and scrub brush, dumped the dirty bucket of oxyclean water, and put the bucket away. When I checked on it, he had done fantastic. No signs of yak at all. I praised him for the great job-and he had a big grin on his face. It feels good that he has such skills!
I have a dog who is getting quite old. Two horses and a pony outside, who dh does all the work for. The pony is very very old, too. And 5 cats, 4 which live inside.
I work full time at a job that I enjoy most of the time. This decluttering has flowed over into my work. Although I never thought that I was cluttery at work, the ability to let stuff go has helped me keep a neater desk, and be more efficient at work, too.
I guess that is probably more than anyone wanted to know. But that is me in a (very longwinded) nutshell.
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Post by messymimi on Dec 20, 2008 18:31:32 GMT -5
Thanks for posting this, CCL!
Chat is a bit more fun when you have some background info to help sort people out.
Also, the fact that you are so open about how desqualoring was and is a work in progress is very reassuring.
messymimi
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Post by creativechaos on Dec 21, 2008 20:33:01 GMT -5
hi crazycatlady; thank so much for posting your intro as a "recovering" person who has been through the process. i might be one of the sad cases you talked above in your post. i have a terrible time throwing anything away, and on top of that, poor maintenance habits. i am finding WITs to be good, but notice i hardly ever write that i throw something away or donate something. so the stuff isn't really leaving here, only getting churned from place to place (apt., small storage unit, and tiny mosaic workshop) while i try to build some habits of maintenance. there is also a downstairs storage shed as well' all stuffed to the nines. the more one has, naturally, the harder it is to maintain.
do you know if there is a link to hopehope's story, an intro or something? i've been following her blog a little and really admire her, but would really like to know more about the process for her, and for people more like myself. i need to hear from them -- how they stopped churning, how they learned to let go of possessions and the grip possessions had on them. you spoke of this above, and i want to learn more! thank you for your honesty.
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Post by crazycatlady on Dec 23, 2008 17:47:30 GMT -5
CC, I wouldn't call you a "sad case", but I do know that it hurts when you can't give up the stuff. And then I hurt with you, and for you. I believe this forum is the right place to find the help that you need, from similar people, who understand.
Won't you post a thread on the main forum, asking for advice from others in a similar situation to yours? I think that you will get plenty of responses. Even ask HopeHope more about her story. I'm not certain if she wrote an intro here.
Life can get simpler. You can do this. And it is fine for it to take a while. But that churning is frustrating, isn't it? And when something does get thrown away or donated, that feeling of freedom is huge. The knowledge that you will never have to touch, put away, dust, think about, or clean that one item, ever again. One piece at a time, all that stuff came into our homes. And it can leave one piece at a time, too. (Of course it helps if more pieces leave than we bring in...  .)
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Post by fluffychild on Dec 24, 2008 23:27:31 GMT -5
I can more easily get rid of my own things, but my entire family - at least two out of the group were pack rats- left me with all the mess. I have an emotional side when I try to get rid of their things. I got rid of I believe the last pair of men's work gloves to my neighbor today in his Christmas bag. I have two houses in town next to each other and a place in the country. I am most concerned about the places in town. I go to the psychic at least 6 times a row to ask my husband what items that I should get rid of. One of the projects that I am working on right now is getting rid of my grandmothers cotton fabric and she passed away almost 40 years ago. That is going to a church group that makes quilts for charity. I found the other week, pay stubs from my grandfather from 1946 and I was not even born then. My house is an utter mess. I need to either have the kitchen faucet replaced or the washer replaced in it. I already have the new faucet set to go under the sink. It is a matter of getting someone in to do the work. I am off work now until January 5th. I know that I need to clear the steps off, and clear a path to the shut off valve. I don't use the water in the kitchen because the wahser is bad and if I use it then it will get worse. Without water, you can't cook, there are enough drips to wash a bowl each day. Where in the midwest are you from? I am from Wisconsin. I do have a sweet cat that is my child - she is ten years old.
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Post by messyang on Dec 27, 2008 12:08:44 GMT -5
It seems to be a commonality among us...we "messies" are animal lovers. We respect and love animals more than we abhor the mess they sometimes cause, I guess. You sound like a very loving, caring person, and that is alot more important than any cardboard box, or clutter. I have 7 cats, and two dogs, and in the grand scheme of life and love, "CrazyCatLady", I think we are the sane ones. Rock on! (Oh, and big hugs to you and the kitties).
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Post by crazycatlady on Dec 28, 2008 13:13:27 GMT -5
Thanks, Fluffy and Ang! Commonality....yes, we definitely have so many similarities. Hugs right back atcha!
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Post by Ican on Dec 29, 2008 3:28:27 GMT -5
Thanks for posting your intro. It's great to have a chance to get to know you better! I'm glad that you're here.  |
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Post by creativechaos on Dec 30, 2008 5:39:32 GMT -5
thanks, crazycatlady; i just now saw your response to my earlier post. i didn't mean to make your intro. all about ME!  your suggestions are good. i think these boards are helping me a lot. i will think about what to post on a thread, what specifically i want to say and ask. i am also thinking of starting my own thread kind of like hopehope; writing down the process, thoughts, and lists to do. chat challenge would be helpful. a lot of people work that way and succeed. my typing is slow and atrocious, which holds me back from participating much. how did challenge work for you? do you buddy up with one person? if there are 10 people all on and chatting, how do your work around that? reading your post of how you managed to let go, little by little, one thing at a time, makes a lot of sense. right now i am slowly reclaiming my space and maintaining each gain i make. that seems best right now; to try to regain some use of my home and appliances. i am getting rid of stuff piece by piece while doing this. and then continuing to make passes to see if there is more i can let go of. i know that is "churning" but is less stressful for me to let go of a little at a time. it seems to be working, as long as i keep working and posting on the boards and maintaining. thanks for your care and concern. maybe you will be one of the people i do challenges with! |
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Post by heylady1 on Dec 30, 2008 16:13:18 GMT -5
I'm like you too Crazycatlady....sometimes it takes quite a bit to sell, give or throw something away. Sometimes I agonize over a decision for months before I am able to do anything about it.
And then I have to distract myself (like right now) so I don't go into full blown panic mode over the decision.
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Post by crazycatlady on Dec 30, 2008 22:26:56 GMT -5
I think chat is like being at a party of a small number of people in a large house. So two or three might be sitting on the couch, talking about their pets, while another person wanders in and out as we cheer her for getting things accomplished!  It consists of the people from this site, so they all seem to be very supportive and encouraging.
And like a party or get together, some people are very talkative (hey...quit looking at me! I'm not talkative!  ) while others kind of read along but don't say so much.
It helps me a lot when I can't think of what to do, and I see someone else who is going off to do a few dishes, or sort some things. It can help give me ideas.
Thanks for posting, ICan and Heylady!
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Post by Ican on Dec 31, 2008 17:07:24 GMT -5
I think chat is like being at a party of a small number of people in a large house. So two or three might be sitting on the couch, talking about their pets, while another person wanders in and out as we cheer her for getting things accomplished! It consists of the people from this site, so they all seem to be very supportive and encouraging.
Yes, your description of chat sounds like the experience I had with it. It was helpful for me when I was trying to do a clothing purge of the pants in my closet. ... How I used it, was I would chat for a few minutes, then I would say "I'm off to the bedroom to purge some pants, be right back!"... And then in a few minutes I'd be back and I'd report my progress and people would cheer me on ... then I'd chat for a few more minutes, and repeat the process. Being in chat helped me to get started on the project. (Since I didn't feel so all alone in dealing with it.) ... Then the encouragement helped to motivate me to keep on going on past the point where I'd normally give up. Before I went to the chat for the first time, I was afraid that I wouldn't get anything done, that I'd just sit and chat, because I'd be afraid that it would seem rude if I were to excuse myself and go off doing my thing. But it worked out OK, especially since there was a small group of about 8 or so in the chat room. So, there were several people to chat with, even as people popped in and out of the room. I was only in the chat room one night so far, but I can see how it will be useful for me. (Thanks to you, CrazyCatLady and everyone else who gave me encouragement! It helped!) Thanks, CrazyCatLady! |
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Post by crazycatlady on Jan 1, 2009 13:42:05 GMT -5
It was nice to see you in chat, ICan.....so amazing to see you sorting pants! In fact, I put some of my clothes into the donation bag because you inspired me.
Different things work for different people....find what works for you and use it.
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Post by Ican on Jan 7, 2009 2:31:38 GMT -5
It was nice to see you in chat, ICan.....so amazing to see you sorting pants! In fact, I put some of my clothes into the donation bag because you inspired me.
Thanks, CrazyCatLady! I appreciate the encouragement, it helps! And good for you for putting some clothes in the donation bag.  |
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