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Post by wind on Dec 21, 2008 18:46:33 GMT -5
I'm messy. Dust does not bother me one bit. If a state of messiness in the living room can be cleaned up in an hour, it's not a crisis to me. It's just life as a messy person.
But I'm also a minimalist. I have almost no "stuff". I use one coffee cup. I clean it once a day. I have 3 tank tops, three sweaters, 3 t-shirts, 2 skirts, 4 dresses, and 3 pairs of jeans. And enough "underwear" type stuff (including a swimsuit, ets) to fit in half of a milk crate.
I have basically no sentimental stuff. No jewelry. No bath-stuff I don't use.
My husband (who is an extremely wonderful person) just doesn't seem to get it that we are sorta poor, will probably always be so, and will never have room to collect vast amounts of "future projects". He's into electronics. He knows electronics, (seriously...he's a wizard with that stuff) so when someone's throwing something out that's broken, he brings it home, thinking "I can fix this! my mom/kid/ mother-in-law/etc can use this then. But the problem is that he works 70 hours a week and never has time. And when he does have time, he wants to chill and hang out with us. And *I* also want him with us. When he says "I know I should go fix that ___ , but I really just feel like chillin' and hanging out with you guys" I certainly don't object.
Coz although he absolutely can do his man-crafty stuff, it takes a whole, whole lot of time.
But this stuff keeps piling up in our bedroom. He doesn't see a problem with it. He genuinely intends to fix it and give it away. But it just accumulates and accumulates. And there's nowhere good to put it.
He also objects to stuff like us getting rid of one of our two crockpots, saying "what if someday we want to cook 2 crockpot things at the same time?"
We live in a 600 sf house! With 4 people and a dog!
We also moved in here from a giant house and no kids, into this tiny place and now 2 kids. AND this house became "ours" after his granma died, and we moved in here when my older kid was 4 months old, and the house was still completely full of her stuff. Which my husband (who lived across the street as a kid) was and is still very attached to. The cookbooks, the nicknacks, the paintings, etc. The top drawer of our dresser is still completely untouched because that was where his long-dead grandpa last set down those keys, and last took off that ring.
And I do feel for my husband. He tries to help declutter. If I put it to him like "I need this, yo. I need uncluttered surfaces. I need to be able to sweep without having to spend 6 hours rearranging the house." he really tries.
And with me being messy (very!) by nature and nurture, it's just terrible.
Any advice?
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Post by notsomessyshell on Dec 21, 2008 19:54:52 GMT -5
 My hubby is a hoarder, too. Of everything and anything. I am a messy. I don't have an answer. I am in stuff hell. I too have a favorite coffee cup. I use it. I wash it. Ready for tomorrow. I would love a clear space anywhere. I have made some progress getting him to toss stuff. But unless I am on top of it, he replaces it with something else right away.
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Post by mellowyellow on Dec 21, 2008 21:21:05 GMT -5
I am very sentimental about things that used to belong to family or friends...
But I don't think I would be able to stay in a house that had untouched areas (like the top of your own bedroom dresser).
I know people do this all the time... have entire rooms devoted to a loved one who has died.
But if you have to live in those rooms, they need to be vibrant and active with your life, and not the past life of a dead relative.
I think the entire environment becomes stagnant if you don't have a chance to do your own thing, decorate, put your personal touch.
Almost every culture and religion has a sense of making a fresh start... letting go of the sadness to allow happiness again.
It is really hard to declutter or clean, when you don't feel the place is truly yours. I hope your husband can read this, and maybe, just maybe, consider giving up one room at a time to "the art of living"... instead of having a "living shrine to a loved one"....perhaps starting with that dresser top.
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Post by creativechaos on Dec 22, 2008 0:51:32 GMT -5
wow, wind...i see what you are up against! as mellow has suggested, would he read this post? there is a good section in Frost and Steketee's book, Buried in Treasures, all about the reasons we save, and the type of "quasi hoarder" your hubby is: the fixer upper. they genuinely do have the intention of fixing and giving; their nature is one of generosity. but then stuff keeps piling up, and little to nothing gets repaired. life kind of intervenes, especially with a 70 hr. work week and a family!
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