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Post by eowynbisonjoy on Jan 2, 2009 1:34:02 GMT -5
My ex-husband and I agree that I have OCD: Hoarding subtype. When I went on the OCD Foundation website all the therapists with that specialty are over 100 miles away (although on the site they are listed as closer.) I went to the yahoo group link from that website and was told there's a 5-8 month wait to be accepted on the website.
I live in the Palm Springs area and have done web searches to find a therapist nearby but haven't had any luck with that either.
I had been holding my own, just pushing the clutter into the extra room, until I filled that up in less than two years. Then I took a stray dog in who was afraid to go out the doggy door so I taped it up and other visitors entered. Rats. I have had a rat exterminator for a couple months now. The traps stopped working so I adopted a cat and he's gotten nearly all of them I think.
When I was married for 12 years I was in a much larger house and ended up filling that house with clutter too.
My ex-husband and his wife have been extraordinarily supportive. She works for a mold removal company and she and my ex came in and removed a lot of the rat feces and rats. They cleaned a lot of the kitchen and disinfected and cleaned the extra room.
I have a son and my ex has asked that I get help and get rid of the rats and clean the house before my son comes back home. My ex lives over 100 miles away and my son is with them now. He hasn't missed school but starting Monday he will. I wanted to get a motel room to stay with him instead so he doesn't miss school but he doesn't want to do that.
I'm a teacher and have been off two weeks but I'm making too slow of progress. I want my son back more than anything so I don't know why I can't get moving faster. A couple of days ago CPS came by. I visited my son at his dad's and it broke my heart that he was not coming home with me.
Any referrals to places that can help me or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much in advance.
Joy
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Jan 2, 2009 1:55:24 GMT -5
Welcome from a fellow teacher! Is your son living with his dad because of the problems at home, or was he just there for a visit or something? I wasn't really sure from your post. I am not sure what to say about the hoarding issues, but I am sure that you have found the right place, and a lot of the other members will have some great insights for you. We are so glad that you found us!
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Post by Mystic Pegasus on Jan 2, 2009 4:24:00 GMT -5
Welcome eowynbisonjoy
This is the place that I have found to be MOST helpful to me in my quest for a cleaner, clutter free home!!! By far!!! I hope that you will also find that here.
Especially helpful, is if you can make use of Chat and work together with others in there on challenges. They are usually 15 minute or so bouts of work, at whatever is of importance to you at the time, then a little chat, cheering each other on and discussing our thoughts and feelings about all kinds of things, including our clutter/messy/hoarding situations. There's also the Working in Threes etc on Listzilla, which some people also find helpful.
Everyone here understands... even if there situations differ, they basically know what it's like, and are supportive, encouraging and non-judgemental.
I hope that you will soon feel like you have *come home* and together with your new friends, will achieve your ultimate goals!
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Post by crazycatlady on Jan 2, 2009 11:12:26 GMT -5
Welcome, Joy. I work in the mental health field, and while I certainly appreciate the value of psychiatry and good therapy, I believe that joining this site can be lifechanging as well.
Here you will find hope, and some tools to help you take the steps needed to make changes.
I think that it is wonderful that your exh and his wife are supportive of you. I'm so sorry that your home isn't ready for your son to come home yet. My kids once spent 1/2 of a school year with their father (out of state) when I was moving and changing jobs. It was heartbreaking to leave them behind, but it was best for them. Even though it was temporary, it still was so painful.
Is it possible to pay for help to clean up? Can you call a local psychiatrist, and see if they have someone on staff who works with OCD and hoarding, who may not be on the OCD Foundation website? Maybe your primary care physician can give you a referral to a psychiatrist.
How awful to have to deal with rats. We are currently battling a mouse infestation....in the past week I know that dh has disposed of 9 mice. When I asked him if that was the right count, he just shook his head and said "more".  I'm not sure if it is because it is so cold outside that all the little country mice are moving in? I have many cats, but the mice are mostly in a dropped ceiling where the cats can't get to them, so thankfully dh is on the job!
Keep reading, and posting. You will find help here! 
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Post by AnnieOkie on Jan 2, 2009 11:30:14 GMT -5
I know you are going through a difficult time and I am so glad you found us! Welcome!! You will see the term "baby steps" used frequently around here. It is through taking baby steps that you can eventually claim large strides in your progress. Designating one area (even a 12"x12" area) and concentrating on that one space until it is done can give you a real sense of accomplishment. Good luck on your journey and I hope your son will be able to spend time with you very soon. |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jan 2, 2009 12:13:33 GMT -5
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I first read the Lord of the Rings back in 1971. For 38 years, Éowyn has always been my favorite heroine.
Dear Éowyn-Bison-Joy,
You are the noble shieldmaiden warrior who shall slay the most evil wraith that no man could slay -- the Squalor-Hoarding Wraith.
You are valiant and mighty. It might not be with one dagger-stroke. It might be a long process. But slay this monster you shall. We shall all be Meriadoc the Hobbit at your side.
Truly, the domestic life can feel like a trap. I used to want to go out and fight all battles, but scorned housework as belittling. Now I know that it's just as much a battle (or MORE) as any other battle in the world.
And, take comfort, for you shall heal your heart right here ... for we shall be your "Houses of Healing".
Love,
Lioness
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Post by messymimi on Jan 2, 2009 19:42:58 GMT -5
Welcome, Eowyn  !
(Like CL_SS, she is my favorite heroine.)
While you are waiting for the professional help you feel you want/need, please go ahead and work alongside us, too, as we all battle our personal demons. We are not professionals, but we will stand with you, encourage you, and be here to cheer your every effort at recovery.
messymimi
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Post by messyang on Jan 2, 2009 21:35:28 GMT -5
Hey, Eowyn! I am a teacher too! (What IS it with us teachers, haha). Please know that you are among friends. It sounds like your ex is trying to help you, not hurt. Thank God for that! We all have issues that have led to our squalor , hoarding, etc. I suffer from bone wrenching depression. We love you here, just as you are. We understand. Please get the help that you need, and we are here every step of the way.
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Post by lilith on Jan 3, 2009 1:47:51 GMT -5
Dearest,
We have a five to 8 second wait here-also known as go pick up a trash bag. Walk around house and put trash in bag. It is that easy and that hard. Set a timer and do it for 15 minutes at a time. If you can't do 15, do 5 minutes or ten seconds. DO whatever you can and build from there. We all know where you are. Not all of us hoard, but a lot do.
I personally have a house full, two broken down vehicles full in driveway, and three off-site storages. That is AFTER I lost my home to foreclosure this year and they dumped two 40 yard dumpsters and many truck loads from my house.
By all means try to find professional help. I personally take 40 mgs of Paxil per day. Until then, work with us, every day. Post every day-it helps. Do chat and listzilla-it helps. I promise you if you engage here it will help. I know I still sound really screwed up and I am, but I am also better. Best of all I have cut new acquisitions by at least 95%. I can drive by yard sales, thrift stores and free stuff. I couldn't do that before here.
I have a 14-year-old son. I live in fear of CPS every day of my life.
A lot of us here deal with mental illnesses, physical disabilities, obesity, eating disorders, self-mutilation, rape, sexual abuse, deaths of loved ones, public and private humiliation, divorce, and poverty. Some of us none of that and just can't keep a clean house. I tell you this because there is nothing new under the sun here. You have no reason to feel ashamed of ANYTHING. If you let us, we will love you through this and, if you choose, you can love us back.
This is probably the only place on earth you can get a sincere "Atta girl" for taking a shower!
Helping you count your blessings:
Your son and (assuming) his health
Your ex and his new wife
You live in Palm Springs
You are an unsung hero teacher
You have a cat and dog
You are able to operate a computer and find help
You understand you need help
You are almost rat free
You have us now and make no mistake-we are a powerful force. Surviving squalor isn't for sissies and when you can't do another minute, we will love you through it.
I know it doesn't feel like it yet, but you are better now because you are no longer alone.
Love,
Lilith
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Post by isolated on Jan 3, 2009 5:01:15 GMT -5
"I know it doesn't feel like it yet, but you are better now because you are no longer alone."
Totally ditto to that!
Few weeks here and I can attest that I feel hopeful now and you will too. Just keep posting, keep reading, continue to become inspired by others in situations just like yours. Over time all this positive stuff will rub off on you.
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Post by eatingbonbons on Jan 4, 2009 18:44:28 GMT -5
Welcome, Eeowynbisonjoy. |
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Post by Ican on Jan 4, 2009 23:21:55 GMT -5
Hello! and Welcome! Glad to have you here with us!  |
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