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Post by carolinastomper on Aug 12, 2023 11:11:31 GMT -5
Like joyinvirginia I have not been around for awhile. I feel a little guilty about asking for help, since I haven't given a lot but I'm so lost.
Like ediebee, I can't seem to do anything productive. I know motivation folliws action and sometimes I can get started, but the motivation never seems to kick in.
My mom passed away on Dec 21, and on Dec 24 my husband had a stroke (his second) and he didn't recover. After 60 days in the icu, he was moved to hospice and passed away on March 10th after 27 years of marriage. I had to empty my moms house so my older son could move in (my mom was a packrat too) and the house loses too much money to sell in this condition.
So now I have all my moms stuff and my husband's stuff to go through and it's taken over my house.
My younger son is suffering from depression/anxiety so bad he started having seizures and now can't drive.
Sorry this is so long, but I really don't have anyone to vent to and I'm so overwhelmed. Thank you for "listening"
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Post by sillycanuck on Aug 12, 2023 11:38:48 GMT -5
Restarts are hard to do but doable. Maybe join one of the monthly challenges--support in numbers may help.
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Post by Arid on Aug 12, 2023 14:39:14 GMT -5
Oh, my goodness!! You poor dear!
Any one of the "issues" that you've mentioned would be enough to stop many people in their tracks--much less all of them at once!
Give yourself some grace. At this point in your life, I would recommend that you do the barest minimum for right now: dinner, dishes, and duds (i.e. laundry). As you feel better, you can add on other "chores."
Please, accept my sympathy for the loss of your two loved ones and empathy for your younger son and for you. (By the way, I hope that your son's seizures are being taken seriously. I'd hesitate to believe that depression and anxiety are causing them. I'd be looking for an organic cause--such as epilepsy, a brain tumor, etc. I'm not saying this to make you feel even worse about your situation; I just want the best for your son!)
I'm glad that you have reached out to us.
Sincerely, Arid
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Post by danny15 on Aug 13, 2023 10:42:03 GMT -5
Hi carolinastomper My sincerest condolences on the loss of mother and husband. Your circumstances are enough to overwhelm anyone. Please don't feel guilty for asking for help and don't worry about giving anything back. Right now you need every bit of your strength to handle your own troubles.
I agree strongly with Arid about your younger son's seizures. It's very important to find the root cause. Although emotions can affect seizure activity and stress can exacerbate some physical problems (like dystonia and lupus) it would be a good idea to have him evaluated by a doctor.
Can you move this thread from Introductions to the private section and start a blog of your own? Then use it to vent as much as you want. Get on one of the work-a-long groups. No need to join a challenge, nothing that would put any pressure on you. Maybe the *Working in Threes* would be a good place to start.
I love how mouseanne described part of it in this month's thread ~~
If the next 15 minutes consists of:
- looked at hopeless living room and felt like crying
- decided you could take empty pop can to kitchen
- put away book
Favorite Threads | Stepping Out of Squalor (proboards.com)
I hope this links works, I recently learned to do them from goldenthreads When I am especially down, reading those posts can be very uplifting.
If you need to drift in and out of posting for a time, that's fine. Post in whatever way helps you the most.
  
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Post by mouseanne on Aug 13, 2023 12:46:19 GMT -5
All my most tender hugs carolinastomper. Im with Arid, practice your dailies. Then add in bits. One thought, for mom's and sweet hubby's things. Pick a price per item to spend your energy on. If you toss/donate 300 things valued $1 or less, yes, you're out $300, but 300 things would take a massive amount of time to launder, price tag, storage and market, in, say, a garage/tag sale. Dunno bout you, but that would take me 2-3 weeks. I don't want to spend a week for $100. I'm thinking you don't have the oomph to do it, emotionally/physically. In my area used women's tops $3 & men's shirts in excellent condition $5. So, pick what you'll spend time on, $3 or $5 & over. Sweetie, not being mean, asking you to consider the piles thoughtfully. danny15, i appreciate the call out. I cannot take credit. We've been copying post one forward monthly, dunno how long. Ive zero idea who orig author is. |
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Post by carolinastomper on Aug 13, 2023 18:45:29 GMT -5
Much thanks to everyone for their support. First let me assure you that my son is being treated by a neurologist (that's why he can't drive bc the drs have to report his condition.)
2nd I am planning a yard sale for my moms clothes as she had a TON of nice things and I could really use the money. But I have help. My younger lives with me and we have kind of worked out a rhythm of rebooting the laundry. She also had enough books to start her own bookstore. She loved yard sales and estate sales so it almost feels like a tribute. But, nothing will be coming back into the house. Everything that doesn't sell will be donated. It's getting tricky because I start a second job next week to try and combat the financial hole I'm in. I'm doing OK, just not sleeping well and always tired which makes it easy for the tears.
I like the working in threes suggestion, I had forgotten about that particular strategy.
Anyway, thanks again I appreciate all the replies. They did lift my spirits.
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Post by def6 on Aug 14, 2023 10:01:47 GMT -5
So sorry for your loss carolinastomper You are a real trooper and you amaze me! Prayers for continued strength.  |
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Post by ohblondie on Aug 14, 2023 13:15:30 GMT -5
carolinastomper someone once told me about HALT Never allow yourself to get Hungry Angry Lonely Tired Sometimes we just need a small snack or drink of water, a nap, or a step outside for me it sometimes helps to just do something!!
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Post by TML on Aug 15, 2023 17:05:02 GMT -5
carolinastomper I am so sorry to hear about your mother and husband! Also I hope your son gets to feeling better soon! I agree with Danny about starting a blog in the private section so you can vent and get help. I also like the working in threes group that danny15 mentioned and the part that mouseanne keeps post one moving forward. That is how I live my life: If the next 15 minutes consists of: - looked at hopeless living room and felt like crying - decided you could take empty pop can to kitchen - put away book I also spend a lot of time crying around and taking breaks between the three items. Right now I am in a huge mess just huge - some of it still left over from when Mom who was a hoarder went to assisted living, some built up when I was so sick and could not do anything, more built up during covid, and continued build up last year when they finally figured some of what was wrong and had to do two surgeries (separate things) and PT figured out which muscle was the issue with my walking and needed built back up. It is like a tsunami of PFFFFTTTTTTT. I have been working on level 1 which is tossing out obvious trash, recycling things that don’t require effort (else I am yelling amnesty and just calling it trash), dumping stuff in donation boxes that I am really fed up with hanging around and getting in my way. Now I am at the stage to work on all the extra laundry I found in small batches and to fold and get it into closet and drawers (dumping some of that stuff as I do it - level 2 - which is yes I thought i needed x but now that I have to put it up and find it a home - it is going out out out out out). I am also working on the weekly work alongs. If you do start a blog ping me and I will visit and cheer you on!
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Post by joyinvirginia on Aug 21, 2023 11:00:30 GMT -5
Hi Carolina Stomper, I'm so sorry about your mother and husband. Going thru their things will be hard. Grief can surprise you with the intense feelings you get when handling something that belonged to them. Usually it's something little, too.
Many hugs. I still have things from my parents home that I have to go thru, and it's been years!
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Aug 22, 2023 12:14:22 GMT -5
carolinastomper! I remember you. I remember nothing specific or personal, but I remember your name from the chatroom in the old days.
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