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Post by Nael_C on Dec 23, 2023 5:20:01 GMT -5
Hello again survivors and fighters! After losing my father less than two years ago, which some of you may remember, I lost my mother too, from covid19 which took away all her health and strength. She was a tough woman, had worked hard
all her life and it makes me sad to think that, although I tried, I couldn't do more to save her from her terrible virus induced fate.
Now, where do I stand among this chaos? I feel the need to get some stability and control and order during these times. Three months of being in and out of hospitals, ambulances, etc, have left my home a mess, so I'd like to get a grip of things again.
I hope I find all of you safe, sane and serene, and that you are succeeding to overcome the everyday struggles!
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Post by hedy on Dec 23, 2023 11:42:10 GMT -5
So, SO sorry to read this. :/ (Don't worry about the mess. Please. It WILL get better as you get better. Rest, dear one - be kind on yourself.)
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Post by Nael_C on Dec 23, 2023 13:57:22 GMT -5
So, SO sorry to read this. :/ (Don't worry about the mess. Please. It WILL get better as you get better. Rest, dear one - be kind on yourself.) Thank you so much hedy! Your words mean a lot to me at these times. It's hard but in some weird way it may help me to keep my mind busy, or I'm driving myself crazy with questioning if we could have done this and that and the other to save her. She is with my father now, that is what I am saying to myself to find comfort.
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Post by goldenthreads on Dec 23, 2023 14:21:52 GMT -5
This is sad news. May you find comfort in some happy memories and surrounded by your family. I hope that working on the parts of your environment that bother you most will help to calm your mind a bit.
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Post by Arid on Dec 23, 2023 15:30:32 GMT -5
Nael_C: I know that it has become something of a cliché, but I honestly can say, "No matter how old we might be, it still hurts to lose one's parent(s)."
You have my greatest sympathy.
It takes--at least(!);don't ask me how I know(!)--a full **six months** before one can begin to "come out of the fog" that comes with the death of a loved one. Given the exhausting, excruciating experience you've had, it may take even longer; so, be patient with yourself. Do little "bits and bobs" as you can. (Remember that other old saying? "If you take care of the pennies, the pounds will take care of themselves.") The day will come when you can take on bigger projects.
I wish you well.
Arid
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Post by hedy on Dec 23, 2023 15:33:01 GMT -5
She is with my father now, that is what I am saying to myself to find comfort. And who's to say that it isn't exactly so? This world - this universe - is SO much more than it appears; we can't even begin to fathom it. This thought is my source of comfort. ; )
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Post by mynicehome on Dec 23, 2023 22:13:59 GMT -5
My condolences on the loss of your dear mother ((((( Nael_C))))). The grieving for one's mother is hard, even harder if hampered by guilt. There is no way for anyone to be in full control of another's dying and death. It is their own journey ultimately, following causes and conditions that can't be fathomed by a grieving family who did what they were able to do to try to prevent it. Please be easy on yourself as you grieve and release yourself from doubt and guilt. I hope returning your home to order will help you through the next little while. Soft hugs for you.
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Post by nonchalant on Dec 24, 2023 17:30:59 GMT -5
My sincere condolences on your loss, @nael_C.
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Post by joyinvirginia on Dec 25, 2023 0:39:53 GMT -5
Nael, so sorry to hear about your mother. When I was dealing with my mother's things after her death, I asked friends to sit with me when I went thru papers. It helped to have someone to talk to, as I did that hard work. Take your time and be kind to yourself.
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Post by peaceandfreedom on Dec 25, 2023 20:23:45 GMT -5
Dear Nael, so sorry that you had another big loss recently. My husband passed away in July, and I have never experienced anything like the grief as deep as what I’ve been coming through. As others have said, your main job right now should be to take care of yourself, and to treat yourself gently. For the first 4 months or so, my head felt like it was stuffed with cotton. But a few weeks ago, something shifted and now I can once again actually think. I would also strongly suggest that you consider attending a grief group In your area. Hospice facilitates such groups, they are free and can be quite helpful. In fact, I have made 2 new friends from my grief group, and now we text and email each other regularly. It is wonderful to have people who immediately understand what emotions, etc., come up or change. My home was a mess of paperwork also. So what? Don’t stress over it. I found at times I could do nothing at all toward starting to tame the chaos. Other times, I could work at it a little. It will get better. Sometimes it can help to set a timer for 30 minutes or so, and during that time, try to work on whatever you choose. I have found that it is helpful to get out of the house at least once each day, even if I just go for a short walk. Other days, a long walk was what was needed. But it’s good to get the body moving a bit. I care.
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Post by Nael_C on Dec 26, 2023 2:12:18 GMT -5
This is sad news. May you find comfort in some happy memories and surrounded by your family. I hope that working on the parts of your environment that bother you most will help to calm your mind a bit. Thank you for your kind words goldenthreads, I wish the best for you and yours! I hope it does, I sure need some peace of mind.
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Post by Nael_C on Dec 26, 2023 2:13:29 GMT -5
She is with my father now, that is what I am saying to myself to find comfort. And who's to say that it isn't exactly so? This world - this universe - is SO much more than it appears; we can't even begin to fathom it. This thought is my source of comfort. ; ) Mine too hedy, mine too. I hope you had a lovely day yesterday, and my best wishes to you.
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Post by Nael_C on Dec 26, 2023 2:15:43 GMT -5
Dear Nael, so sorry that you had another big loss recently. My husband passed away in July, and I have never experienced anything like the grief as deep as what I’ve been coming through. As others have said, your main job right now should be to take care of yourself, and to treat yourself gently. For the first 4 months or so, my head felt like it was stuffed with cotton. But a few weeks ago, something shifted and now I can once again actually think. I would also strongly suggest that you consider attending a grief group In your area. Hospice facilitates such groups, they are free and can be quite helpful. In fact, I have made 2 new friends from my grief group, and now we text and email each other regularly. It is wonderful to have people who immediately understand what emotions, etc., come up or change. My home was a mess of paperwork also. So what? Don’t stress over it. I found at times I could do nothing at all toward starting to tame the chaos. Other times, I could work at it a little. It will get better. Sometimes it can help to set a timer for 30 minutes or so, and during that time, try to work on whatever you choose. I have found that it is helpful to get out of the house at least once each day, even if I just go for a short walk. Other days, a long walk was what was needed. But it’s good to get the body moving a bit. I care. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear husband! I have no words when people go through loss, sincerely.
I am just gonna send you my love and best wishes for healing and peace.
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Post by Nael_C on Dec 26, 2023 2:18:00 GMT -5
Nael, so sorry to hear about your mother. When I was dealing with my mother's things after her death, I asked friends to sit with me when I went thru papers. It helped to have someone to talk to, as I did that hard work. Take your time and be kind to yourself. Thank you joyinvirginia! Friends are a treasure, you are right, and it is such a hard thing to do to sort the things of a loved one that passed. I have my mother's things to go through too and I cannot find the strength nor the courage to do it. It seems like a lie to me that she is no longer here.
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Post by Nael_C on Dec 26, 2023 2:19:00 GMT -5
My sincere condolences on your loss, @nael_C. Thank you a lot! My best wishes for those days and a great year ahead.
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