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Post by thatoldguynextdoor on Feb 2, 2024 8:26:07 GMT -5
Good afternoon. This my intro.
This all started when my wife died in 1998. Life torn apart, I submerged into a twilit existence in which housework seemed no longer necessary. So all things piled up. My personal presentation remained outwardly unaltered as in my profession getting dog-eared might have earned me an appt with a counsellor… unwelcome that, very. What man wants to have his colleagues know that he's falling apart to that extent..?
But there was an annual issue. I rent my house rather than own it and landlords in the UK have to ensure that gas installations are annually inspected and serviced. Meaning that -annually - what felt like an intrusion could not be avoided. As a bulwark against embarrassment I let it be known that my “untidiness” might embarrass both caller and me. I played the “eccentric” card to perfection, only later becoming aware that this had become rather more than an affectation.
And that’s the foundation for entering this unusual forum-world where attendees are - a little like alcoholics? - a self-support group, or something rather like it.
I’m at that place in the calendar again. With from now (Feb 2nd) till the 13th to get things a little more into order. But now, being long retired with arthritis and intermittent depression, Ive found that the scale of things this time around feels a bit insurmountable. So - right now, I’m sat on my kitchen stool with a mug of coffee, having made a start to things. I’m not after perfection, but “much better” feels attainable.
Old habits are a ***. Couple that with approaching infirmity, it feels like an awful lot to do. So I decided to approach it logically, with my weaknesses compensated for. I’m not here to beg for help. Indeed I've used my own insights in the past to give guidance counselling - I was in welfare work for thirty years - although not a counsellor as such, being prepared to help as needed was part and parcel of my function. And so when I knew from long experience how to say what might be called “constructive-without-lecturing” - I said what I knew might be both helpful but also constructive.
So - today, I became my own counsellor.
I made a plan. Its not written down, because I knew full well that such need so much elasticity inbuilt that they're not really helpful. It’s flexible plan, with a stress on elasticity. A road map of target stages can help however - so my today's target is to de-crust the kitchen. It’s a doozie. Not one square foot of worktop is fully visible. Small appliances abound. They're all dirty. Only the toaster and the kettle are in regular use.
I’m on a break. Having begun with the floor. it was very, very cluttered and unwashed for several years. Now? It’s mostly decluttered, with a bag for paper waste and another for plastic. Each already needed emptied outside once and is now needing re-emptied. Targets need to be small, need to be attainable. First ones anyway, as its hardly a secret that maintaining momentum can depend on self-encouragement. Unrealistic targets have failure as a likelihood. Very unhelpful.
But Im thinking ahead here too. Hopefully I can maintain that momentum myself, after all its not like Im a callow youth lacking experience.
So today’s target is one that Im fairly sure is not outside my ability. It’s still very early in the task, and energy can fade. So - regular breaks must be included. But only if they’ve been earned. This one has been, partly initially by checking online to see if anyone else might have published a set of suggested stages for such herculean undertakings. Yes, Im that mentally ***. And yes, I know too that “herculean” is - slighly overstating things. But sometimes this can get to feel that way, so in it went and there it stays. 👍
All in the hope that someone else might take a little bit of encouragement from this coffee/tea break session’s ramblings
And now? Ive got a few bags to re-empty and after that it’s worktop #1, break. Then worktop #2, break. Then the kitchen sink. The actual kitchen sink. which will need much use of bleach to slay the evolving lifeforms in it and its crusty drain… in the hope that I prevail in that minibattle😳
Perhaps Ill post progress reports? We’ll see. If I fail I’m not about to appeal for help. Hopefully if all goes well, there'll be an update later.🤞🤞🤞 - (those are crossed-fingers graphics. In the UK they're a “here’s hoping all goes well” sign. Elsewhere? Probably the same but internet boards can cover many cultures, hence this addendum.)
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Post by def6 on Feb 2, 2024 9:58:43 GMT -5
Beautifully written post. May your kitchen floor sparkle when you wash it.  |
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Post by desposito on Feb 2, 2024 13:41:15 GMT -5
Hello old guy!
today, I became my own counsellor
I’m not here to beg for help
If we can learn to be our own counselor that's the best way, because in the end we can get advice from everyone, but until we're ready to do the work the advice won't help us. Not to mention that if you're your own counselor you're always available...
Despite that, I've found that just knowing other people have the same issues and sharing what you're doing with them can be very personally motivating.
I also have the problem of age and arthritis making everything more difficult, they require adjusting how we do things, but the good thing is that by the time we are aged and have arthritis we're usually retired so we can make our own schedules.
Good luck with your efforts, I hope you do keep posting and let us know how it goes.
Diane
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Post by peaceandfreedom on Feb 2, 2024 15:52:40 GMT -5
Great post, I found it very encouraging due to how much thought you actually put into all of this, followed by a truly doable sort of routine. (Breaks, but only when earned!) I’m going to adopt that one!
You, me, WE can all do this, if only we WILL.
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Post by Ally on Feb 2, 2024 18:24:06 GMT -5
Welcome, thatoldguynextdoor, You're a brilliant writer! I hope that you had a successful day. Just an FYI the word L A Z Y is considered a four-letter word and is not allowed here. (I'm guessing that might have been one of the words that was *** out.) Since you brought up addiction, there are 12 step groups, one called clutterers anonymous, that have phone-in meetings. They aren't everyone's cup of tea, and to be honest, I find some of the meetings helpful and others a waste of my time. Sometimes I just listen in while I clean. I wish you good luck and look forward to learning about your progress. |
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Post by Nael_C on Feb 2, 2024 22:20:29 GMT -5
Welcome! Good luck with your targets and keeping the momentum! Feel free to ask for support or advice, this is a great place to keep you motivated but also feel safe with people that get where you are coming from.  |
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Post by maryinaz on Feb 19, 2024 7:36:32 GMT -5
Hopefully you are making some progress. I love Dana K White's 5 step no mess process. It's helped me a lot. (she's on youtube) The goal is always 'better' and 'progress, not perfection', Even picking up and dealing with one thing is progress. I know how overwhelming it seems in the beginning, when there is no end in sight but keeping at it daily, you do start to see the progress.
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