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Post by bigtimetroubles on Jan 4, 2009 1:12:23 GMT -5
I was referred by a friend hoping to clean my bigtimetroubles up and actually am curious since this time is the first time I have thought of myself as having bigtimetroubles with squalor. My kitchen is a wreck and the rest of the house is too. I spend most of my time home in bed with a dog or two and TV, computer, telephone ect..... so am I normal? typical? dysfunctional? wierd? or just plain stupid? I seem unmotivated to step up and live. I heard a story of a mule that fell into a well and the farmer said I cannot get him out all I can do is fill in the well with the mule in it. As the farmer filled the well with shovel after shovel of dirt the mule kept shaking it off and stepping up, ending with his mule out of the well the farmer was amazed. Me I am not stepping up and it seems the well keeps getting filled more and more every day. Hope you liked my story. Hugs  |
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Jan 4, 2009 3:03:48 GMT -5
Hello. Welcome! As far as "squalor" goes, you would be surprised by how common it is. For us, it is when the mess takes control, and we do not know how to solve the problems that come along with it. Instead of cleaning up, we often feel despair and 'don't wanna". We have found that joining this forum has been absolutely life changing in more ways than just learning how to keep our houses to an "acceptable" level. It sounds like you may be one of us! You might find a lot of good information at www.squalorsurvivors.com as well. It explains all about what squalor is, and why we live in it, and how we can get out of it.  |
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Post by wind on Jan 4, 2009 5:27:40 GMT -5
I think you sound pretty normal for this group. Which is bad in a way (squalor) but good in a way (you're in the right place, among unusually friendly, helpful people).
There's a whole spectrum of people who hang out here, from just "messy by nature" to "all the way in the trenches of total squalor". But we all want to have clean or just cleaner houses. The mess can depress.
Fixing your home serves as a "launching pad" for fixing a lot of the rest of your life sometimes. EVERYTHING is roughly 10 times more difficult when your house is a wreck.
And "life" get less burdensome when you fix your home. At least, that's what I've found before and am finding again.
So I hope you join here and keep posting.
Just posting here (especially in the listzilla forum) is a great start. Just dive in.
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Post by priceoverride on Jan 4, 2009 7:35:22 GMT -5
Welcome bigtime You're among friends. I joined only a few days ago, and after reading lots of threads I've picked up a load of ideas to help me. The best tip I've found is to make a small difference each day - but keep doing it. One bite at the elephant at a time ! If your bedroom is your haven, start there. Nothing big, get a small carrier bag and throw trash into it. Then bin it. Do it every day and you will be trashfree in your haven. Only then, can you start moving treasures, because you can see them. My haven is my living room, which is where I've started. I sit at my PC all day, surfing the net, playing games, reading e-mails, etc. So I junked the trash there. Now, I'm moving outward I hope this helps. PO |
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Post by messymimi on Jan 4, 2009 8:41:41 GMT -5
Welcome, Bigtimetroubles !
Are you normal? For a squalorer, sure. For other people? How should I know, I'm more like you. Are you typical? For one of us, yes. Disfunctional? Isn't everyone in some facet of his or her life? Weird, stupid -- absolutely NOT! Nor are you L*a*z*y (that is considered a swear word here), dumb, or insert any other names here that others might call you.
You don't have to understand the why of your behavior to start dealing with it. You feel unmotivated, okay, you may eventually come to understand why but that is not the first emphasis. As you begin to take small steps to do a bit more, you might find your motivation, who knows?
Your story is indeed a good one, and it shows how those tiny steps can actually get you out of the well you are in. Around here we say that motivation follows action, and it really does.
So maybe today do one small thing toward improving your situation. Take out one small bag of garbage. Wash 3 dishes. Read around on this site and post when you feel comfortable doing so. Some people find their motivation getting on chat or Listzilla and posting their accomplishments. You get cheered for every step -- only here will people say "Well done!" because you actually got up and took a shower when you didn't really want to. Any action is celebrated, because it packs a bit more of the mud in the well down, and lifts you a bit closer to the rim.
We may never know the why of our behavior, but that does not mean we cannot take positive steps, even very small ones, to change it.
I'm glad you are here.
messymimi
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Post by Ican on Jan 4, 2009 9:16:27 GMT -5
Hello and Welcome to the group!  This group has been helpful for me, and I hope it will be for you, too.  |
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Post by mallery on Jan 4, 2009 12:34:18 GMT -5
Hi there, Welcome! This is a great group of people, I hope you will join in. I haven't been here very long but I've accomplished a lot thanks to this excellent site!
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Post by crazycatlady on Jan 4, 2009 15:40:12 GMT -5
Welcome, BigTimeTroubles.  Hugs right back atcha!I was referred by a friend hoping to clean my bigtimetroubles up and actually am curious since this time is the first time I have thought of myself as having bigtimetroubles with squalor. My kitchen is a wreck and the rest of the house is too. I spend most of my time home in bed with a dog or two and TV, computer, telephone ect.....
I'm glad that your friend told you about this place...it really is a supportive place. However, I wasn't certain from your post whether you prefer to stay as you are, or if you are wanting to change. Sometimes the idea of changing or trying to get out of our big time troubles is pretty overwhelming. One nice thing about this forum is that for the people who just need to think about squalor or talk about squalor, but don't feel reading to DO anything....they are still welcome.
You can cuddle up with those dogs, catch some TV, and read and post here. Maybe in time, you will decide to "do something". Check out the Listzilla page, especially the Working in Threes. If you don't chose to "do something", it is ok to hang out here, and read and learn.
I'm glad that you are here!
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Post by lilith on Jan 4, 2009 20:54:37 GMT -5
Welcome brother,
We don't get many men around these parts. Try not to spend a lot of time concerning yourself with others and your normalcy. Your life isn't working for you and you have taken the big step of admitting it. Many of us here have taken to bed at some point or another. Some of had no clean bed to take to and so took to a chair or a blanket on top of a pile. Believe me, there isn't one thing you could say here that would shock us.
You are lucky enough to have someone direct you to us. So make room in the bed for us: For our triumphs and tragedies; our leaps forward and our backsliding; our challenges great and small. Along the way you will see yourself, or part of you, in someone here.
Post again. It helps. Chat. It helps. Do listzilla. It helps. I don't really know why, but it does help. Yes, you will have to shake your own dirt off, but I promise you it will be easier if you have us saying with all sincerity that that is THE best dirt shaking I have ever seen.
Pick up a trash bag and walk around filling it. Do it with a timer for 15 minutes or 5 or thirty seconds. Whatever works for you. Then come tell us about it.
Welcome!
Love,
Lilith
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Post by notsomessyshell on Jan 5, 2009 3:41:15 GMT -5
Welcome! I don't want to be normal. I like being a bit different. I want to be a better housekeeper. But normal? Nope.  I found Listzilla to be a huge help in getting motivated. Starting small. |
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Post by isolated on Jan 6, 2009 8:30:59 GMT -5
"so am I normal? typical? dysfunctional? weird? or just plain stupid?" Normal, what is normal anyways? Over-cleaning your place or under-cleaning it is just as bad imo. You have to find the balance between the two things to make it,... well balanced. Typical? Well, that's just a matter of opinion of who you ask. Dysfunctional, I wouldn't say that. I would be more prone to say that you just lost track of things for awhile and improvement is around the corner. Weird, I don't think so at all. Your problem, imo seems to be lack of motivation. I have this problem myself but making small changes everyday will lead to the bigger picture. Don't focus on the whole thing right now, just very small things and the positive will branch off of those small steps and show you that it is possible to regain control. and lastly, your not stupid because of this. Self love will help you more than anything else you can ever do for yourself and environment. Change your thinking and things will seem easier. |
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