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Post by annieblue on Jan 7, 2009 12:15:14 GMT -5
Hi, I am Annie. I chose Annieblue, because there are always 47 Annies on any board, & also because I am soon to be grammie of a second boy baby. Hopefully my name here will help me keep that in focus, since clearing & cleaning new spaces for myself & the grands is my primary motivaton at this time. I can be blue, but presently I believe myself to be on an upswing rather than down. I am the 45 year-old daughter of an intense hoarder. Two hoarders actually, but my father passed in 1997. Losing him that year, along with an avalanche of other losses that hit one after another over the next 2 years, is what set me down my own path of overwhelm & straight into hoarding. Prior to that I was a textbook perfectionist. I have since learned how common my experience is in the realm of hoarding, as far as the road into it. When the perfectionist can no longer maintain . . . KABLOOEY. I look back now & remember how often I feared becoming like my parents, how driven I was to be the opposite, how much painful anxiety I experienced trying to keep all the balls in the air, & how terrifying I imagined life would be if I were ever to lose my mastery of all those bloody balls. And then KABLOOEY. Down fell my house of cards, down I went into deep depression, & all desire to even 'think' about keeping my home intact disappeared. Oh I had help along the way from a bad marriage, but I watched it all with little nterest as it went. And now. Now I have lived both ways. I've cared way too much about keeping my home & taking care of everyone else, & I've cared not a wit. Finally I have realized there can be an in-between, & I am slowly learning how to live that way. My house still needs lots of interior repair work, but not too much major restoration. It basically wasn't loved in a long time, so floors need refinishing & walls need re-doing, that sort of thing. As for the junk, the clutter, the hoards - I have 4 rooms out of 9 that I would let a stranger view. That would be the living room, laundry room, upstairs bathroom, & upstairs guest room. The kitchen would be okay too, if that stranger didn't open the two corner cabinets under the sink that I don't think I have even 'peeked' into since 1997. Of the other rooms: one is a bedroom which is used as the basement we don't have; one is the master bedroom that has a cleared bed, but the rest is not cleared; one is the downstairs parlor/front room which is clear, but the floor needs complete restoration; & the last is the downstairs bathroom which is clear but completely unusable due to the commode having been removed & floor needing restoration. Probably that was all a jumble, but the point is there is work to be done all over the place, with some areas in greater need than others. Even the rooms I would let a stranger view are in need of painting, papering, work to the trims, floor improvements, etc. And some days I just can't let myself think about it all at once. Basically, nothing is as bad as it has been, but nothing is as good as I would like it to be. Additionally, & this adds a bit of a twist to the tale - I was knee deep in home renovations when my landslide began! I was all gung-ho & working like a devoted, diligent little trooper when the kablooey hit the fan. When we first bought our home, everything was spit-spot. We were able to just move in & commence living, it was great,  . But it had been 10 years & it was time to redecorate, paint some, change wallpaper, think about new carpet or keeping bare wood, that sort of thing. SO I DID. I threw myself full-throttle into loving up the house, & I was making beautiful progress. Bottom line is when you have umpteen rooms in various states of transition & THEN fall off the planet in the middle of it - it ain't pretty. I am so sorry to go so long, but it tumbled out. I am on this site because I need to be, & I am grateful beyond words to find it & you. Period.  |
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Post by lulu1949 on Jan 7, 2009 12:41:58 GMT -5
Welcome Annie !
Hugs to you!
I am here also because my life/house/mind is in a jumble. Seeing pictures of others' before and after rooms inspires me so much !
All of us here are in the same situation - some less intense than others, but still, we all share a common thread.
Glad you joined and I hope to see you again soon !!!
Lulu
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Post by notsomessyshell on Jan 7, 2009 13:03:59 GMT -5
Welcome Annieblue! Hugs. I am trying to find a happy medium, too. We can journey together. I have never been a perfectionist cleanie, but I set my goals too high. Perfect house. Not doable so I set myself up to fail. I am trying for good enough. So glad you found us. This site is helping me in so many ways. I look forward to hearing more from you.
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Post by pegasus48 on Jan 7, 2009 13:37:02 GMT -5
Welcome aboard! Glad to have you with us. |
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Post by messymimi on Jan 7, 2009 14:28:27 GMT -5
Welcome, AnnieBlue !
Even those of us who have never lived in a nice, orderly home understand and practice perfectionism. We had it drummed into our brains that if we couldn't do it right, not to do it at all -- so we didn't! The definition of "right" being a standard we could never meet held up to us by other perfectionists.
So, welcome to the place where you don't have to be perfect. The place where you can do it only part way and be cheered. The place where you don't have to look at the whole job at once, and we encourage you not to. "I cleaned one shelf in that horrible closet today" is considered not a failure because the rest of the closet is still trashed, but a success because a bit of progress was made.
Pull up a chair, read, post if you want, chat if you want. No rules or requirements, just encouragement to go easy on yourself during the journey.
I'm glad you are here.
messymimi
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Jan 7, 2009 15:15:46 GMT -5
Welcome! 
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Post by skatters on Jan 7, 2009 15:20:24 GMT -5
Hello! Welcome to the boards! Just jump in any ole place - sounds like you will fit right in!
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Post by crazycatlady on Jan 7, 2009 23:00:20 GMT -5
Welcome, AnnieBlue. I have my first grandchild on the way. Maybe we can compare notes!
I'm glad that you found us. It is good to have a place to "talk" about what cannot be spoken of elsewhere, and to find the love and support of a wonderful group. Keep reading, and posting. It really does help!
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Post by eatingbonbons on Jan 8, 2009 14:36:43 GMT -5
Welcome, Annie! |
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Post by dayeanu on Jan 9, 2009 0:17:40 GMT -5
I'm glad you're here.
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Post by annieblue on Jan 9, 2009 7:53:13 GMT -5
Lulu, Shell, Pegasus, Mimi, Swan, Scatters, CrazyCatLady, Bonbons, Dayeanu . . .  Thank you, each, for such warm welcomes! So much heartfelt wisdom on this thread alone. You've made me smile & you've made me cry, & I am all the better for it. Hugs & Blessings To All  p.s. I am now going this very moment to do the one-a-day I set for myself yesterday. Clean top of refrigerator. Woo!
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Post by annieblue on Jan 9, 2009 11:56:20 GMT -5
Update: I DID clean top of refrigerator! Yay! Off to the One-a-Day thread to post the details, . . . |
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Post by Ican on Jan 9, 2009 15:36:43 GMT -5
Hello AnnieBlue! Welcome! Good for you for cleaning off the top of the refrigerator!   |
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Post by annieblue on Jan 18, 2009 18:12:56 GMT -5
Thank you, Ican, for the welcome & the cheer!And thank you too for joining along on the One-A-Day thread. It is helping me sooooo MUCH. I've not missed one single day since I joined here on January 7th. Also, since that first day I have found nothing but encouragement, major new ways to think & do, & camaraderie such like I have never before known. Sisters & Brothers in Battle. Peers & Equals in Struggle. That means the world to me, because where else could I ever find so many people who truly understand? Blessings, Love, & Gratitude to One & All.
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Post by Ican on Jan 19, 2009 3:26:35 GMT -5
Thank you, Ican, for the welcome & the cheer!And thank you too for joining along on the One-A-Day thread. It is helping me sooooo MUCH. I've not missed one single day since I joined here on January 7th. AnnieBlue, You're welcome.  And thank you for the encouragement, too! You have been posting to this thread every day since Jan. 7th. Wow, good for you, AnnieBlue! I wasn't going to post today, because I didn't get anything done today. But when I read my name in your post, I thought to myself "gosh, this is the One-A-Day thread, can't I just get at least ONE thing done?" I wanted to reply to your post and thank you, but I felt badly if I didn't have anything at all to post, so I (reluctantly) dragged myself up off my chair and looked for some simple thing I could do quickly. So, I continued on my quest to uncover the top of my kitchen stove. I washed a pan and lid. And I put a cooking pot and lid and bowl in hot soapy water in the dishpan in the sink to soak overnight. Will wash those tomorrow.  Thanks for writing my name - which made me want to reply - and ended up motivating me to get something done. I appreciate it! |
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