jenipeo77
New Member
Joined: February 2009
Posts: 1
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Post by jenipeo77 on Feb 18, 2009 23:06:56 GMT -5
Hi, I'm Jennifer, or as my loving students in Korea call me Jenipeo. So I'm a Canadian ex-pat currently living in Korea. I've dealt with depression, axiety and .... I guess... squalor for a long time now, but since moving out of Canada and into Korea.... I'm being faced with many new challenges that are pushing my buttons... I've decided enough is enough. I need to change this. I've been seen a therapist and she's been helping....
I've recenetly figured out that cleaning is a panic attack trigger for me. My Dr. has me trying to clean for 10 mins a day.... but my apartment is a MESSSSSS. I don't cook because A) I'm not very good B) My kitchen is unusable and C) I'm afraid to open the fridge.... seriously... you ever seen wierd Al's "Living in the Fridge"? That's mine. My laundry is alllll over the floor and I have food containors pilled up.
So yesterday I sent a "help me" message out to some of my friends for advice. One of them hooked me up with a girl who uses this forum. So here I am.
Cleaning stresses me out. I tried to clean for 30 mins the other day and I spent a large amount of it just staring with my fists clenched. I can see the mess and I know how to make it go away most of the time, it's just doing it is the difficult part.
Thanks! I'm so glad I'm not the only one! I felt so alone. I'm not ***, I'm nervous. Moving overseas is forcing me to overcome things. And this is something that I will overcome!
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Post by valor on Feb 18, 2009 23:59:56 GMT -5
Hi Jenipeo Welcome! A lot of us here deal with depression and anxiety. If 10 minutes a day seems like too much right now, perhaps try taking it down to 5 minutes. Or just 1 minute at a time. You're not alone Maybe rather than setting a time limit, how about picking up just one item. I've had a big battle with demand resistance-and sometimes if I just let myself "drift" into doing something...very very casually...I'm able to sneak past the anxiety. Probably sounds strange, but it has helped me at times. I think it's great that you can talk to a therapist about this-you sound comfortable with her. I admire you for moving to Korea and teaching, that's a pretty big accomplishment. You're among friends here
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Post by eatingbonbons on Feb 19, 2009 12:31:21 GMT -5
Welcome, Jennifer!
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Post by puppybox on Feb 19, 2009 14:15:13 GMT -5
hi! I'm from canada too and I taught in Japan and Taiwan. I went to Seoul for a littlle vacation, it was great. No time to write more now but wanted to make contact. Welcome!
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Post by messymimi on Feb 19, 2009 15:26:28 GMT -5
Welcome, Jenipeo !
When 10 minutes is over whelming, break it down into the smallest steps you possibly can. If that means that you can only pick up one piece of trash today, so be it.
A good strategy for you might be to simply ignore the back log for the moment, and work on only keeping up with today's mess. Whatever food containers you bring in today, you throw out today. Whatever clothes you wear today, you wash today. When you get to where you can do those things, then begin to add one or two small items a day from your backlog. That would mean washing today's clothes, plus one more piece of clothing; or wiping up today's spill, plus a small bit of dried on goop on the counter. For today, wipe the toilet seat. For tomorrow, wipe the seat and the underside of it. Just get comfortable with doing one little thing, then adding to it.
However you choose to tackle this, you will succeed.
It's good to have you here.
messymimi
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Post by crazycatlady on Feb 21, 2009 14:04:24 GMT -5
Welcome, brave one. No way could I ever move to a country halfway around the world!
A dear on-line friend Inga Rea could not bring herself to clean her floors. There was some mental block I guess. Finally, she decided that rather than trying to sweep, she would just dance around the kitchen making sweeping motions with the broom. No attempt to clean, stayed away from the nasty corners. Somehow, after a few days, she was able to quickly sweep, and eventually was able to clean those darn floors.
Maybe that technique could help. Instead of "cleaning", perhaps you could just swish around for a bit, kind of pretending....
I think that being here, among others who struggle with keeping a lovely space, will help a lot. The next time you make an attempt, please know, deep inside, that you aren't working alone anymore. You have a group of supportive friends, now. We are here for you. And we will cheer you on, whether you feel like you accomplished anything or not.
Three cheers for looking for help, and being brave enough to post here.
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Post by Ican on Feb 22, 2009 2:26:18 GMT -5
Hello & Welcome!
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Post by dayeanu on Feb 23, 2009 0:11:51 GMT -5
I'm glad you're here. You're in a good place.
I am very cleaning resistent. I have found that if I make a game out of it, I can do it. There is a whole thread here about theme cleaning. Maybe someone would start it back. An example of theme cleaning would be to take a word, such as "red" and maybe throw away all trash that is red. Then pick up all dirty clothes that are red. Then pick up all undergarments or anything else that would make my face "red" if someone came in and saw it. Maybe clean the stove because it gets "red" hot. Making a game of it helps me.
It also helps me to just mindlessly do things, without giving them too much thought.
I look forward to seeing you around!
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