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Post by ramatama on Mar 24, 2012 13:24:37 GMT -5
There is a funny story that my uncle used to tell whenever he and my auntie would get a present they didn't quite like or know what to do with:
A calculating young man had his eye on his next promotion. His ambition motivated him to be aware that his boss was about to celebrate a birthday. He mused, "If I send a gift, that would give me an edge."
The young man’s flair for style covered the fact that he was really a committed cheapskate... He went to an exclusive store that sold expensive china. His plan was both clever and deceptive. He politely asked, "Do you have any broken china? I’m looking for a piece of china that is very expensive but it has been broken." At first, the attendant was confused but specializing in trained courtesy she replied, "Let me check to see what might be available."
When she returned she smiled graciously and said, "Luck is with you today. We have a very expensive broken vase that has not been discarded." The young man smiled and proceeded to negotiate a nominal price. Then he made a specific request. "Would you please place the broken vase in a special gift-wrapped box." He went on to provide the name and address of his boss so the courier could deliver the package. Following their impeccable standard for quality service, the packaging department dutifully wrapped the broken vase and sent it promptly to its destination.
The young man’s strategy was flawless. He would call his boss and when he was informed the vase had been broken in the mail, he would express his regret. Calculating all the odds, at the appropriate time he dialled the number.
When the moment seemed right, the young man enquired, "Did you receive my birthday gift?"
"Yes, I did receive the package," his boss responded. Then there was an awkward pause and his boss continued. "I was confused and I’m still trying to figure out why the pieces of the broken vase were all wrapped separately..."
My aunt and uncle would turn to each other and say: shall we re-wrap it and send it to somebody else?
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Post by fluffernut - now Jannie on Mar 24, 2012 14:18:57 GMT -5
Morning Glory-as far as T shirts go, I had two I was keeping forever. One was a flower hand-embriodered by me on a long-sleeve "peasant' blouse. The other was a Donald Duck figure embroidered on a T shirt as a gift from my husband's first wife to him. I cut out both empbroidered parts, trimmed them into rectangles, then carefully put into picture frames I bought at Michaels Crafts Store. Both are a now hung on my bedroom wall, a tribute to hand embroidery. Perhaps you can pick a few that are really meaningful and make them into Art. If you are really cradty and can sew, you could bind several T shirts together and make a blanket, quilt or pillow-top. By the way, someone once told me, when you are given a gift it is YOURS and you can do whatever you want with it. Use it, exchange it, give it to charity, pass it along or throw it away. You don't owe the giver an explanation. And Guilt is a five-letter word.
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Post by Emma on Jun 28, 2015 16:00:53 GMT -5
Thank you. I really appreciate the humor. :) I have some things in the car to donate, which were gifts. Things I've been keeping for years because I felt obliged.
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Post by larataylor on Jun 28, 2015 16:54:32 GMT -5
I know several sisters in a family who buy things for each other and say, "I bought this because *I* loved it and thought you would love it, too. But if you don't love it, just give it back to me." This works well for them.
Sometimes I put a lot of thought into gifts, and other times not. Today I bought some things that a bride had registered for, and gave them to her at her shower. She picked them out. So if she finds she doesn't use them, why would I care if she gets rid of them?
I think it's just wrong to make anyone feel an obligation to keep an item. If a gift actually does mean a lot to me, I will tell the person that and ask them to give it back if they don't want it. And they may or may not remember that. But when you give a gift, you're letting go …
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Post by Jannie on Jun 28, 2015 18:38:11 GMT -5
My MIL was one of those people who would give bad gifts. The absolute worst Christmas gift she ever gave me was a cutting board shaped like a pig that she said she bought at a dollar store. (Never give your DIL anything shaped like a pig or anything bought at a dollar store). For one birthday she gave me a "not-new" ugly pink shorty nighty that probably came from Fredericks of Hollywood. She probably bought it at a garage sale and thought I wouldn't mind a gift of clothing without any hang-tags. Just had to add these for fun!
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Post by italianlady on Jun 28, 2015 18:57:54 GMT -5
I have a question about the original post. How do you know that a gift that is obviously not new isn't something they bought at a thrift store or antique store etc? I'm asking because I love shopping at those places. I'll buy things for people there and wrap and give them. Lots of times they are bric a brac but other times they are different items that I know they would like. It's usually very cheap but I like cheap and I like to find a good deal. The things I buy aren't just whatever I find that's passable, I look until I find what I want. I've given porcelain boxes, candle holders, a pair of unusual glasses, vintage jewelry, a pretty china teacup and saucer, a funky jacket, old style roller skates with four wheels, etc.
I doubt the people I give them to think it was something here, if they know me well enough to receive a gift then they know about my like, well obsession, with the thrift store, the antique store and yard sales. They know I looked until something grabbed me. The thing is, I have similar items to everything I've given from those places and if I were to ever give something like that to someone who didn't know me that well should I explain that I bought it at an antique store, or just let it stand alone?
If I'm giving a gift to someone whom I don't know that well and I want to just make sure it's nice and appropriate rather than personal, I will go buy something new and spend more money. It's backwards, the less I spend on you the more you mean to me.
I have also wrapped and given things from my home but only a very few times and they were things that the person had really admired when they were over here, and would look at and touch every time they came here. I could tell they wanted it, and since most of that comes from thrift stores I couldn't tell them where to buy one like it, so I'd give it to them. Bric a brac, books and jewelry mainly.
I've gotten terrible second hand gifts before and I do know the insult that comes with it. My mother in law bought me what was obviously the first thing she saw in my size at a yard sale one year for Christmas. This was before I started wearing funky clothing and it was an outfit from about ten years before in very bright, ugly colors. I was 24 years old, I wasn't going to wear that. She told me point blank "I bought it at a yard sale, I ran out of money after I bought gifts for (my husband) and (my son). You can wear it though, it's in perfect shape. You don't go anywhere so it doesn't matter what you look like. Wear it while you clean the oven. Have you ever done that?" and then laughed like we were sharing a funny moment.
So what do you think is the best way to handle giving a gift I've bought used for somebody who isn't used to getting things like that from me? Should I do it and explain or should I just stick with something from the regular store?
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Post by poppy on Jun 28, 2015 19:31:29 GMT -5
I received a small stuffed animal for Christmas one year from my sister-in-law when I was 37. The stuffed animal had a "to" and "from" tag. The "to" section of the tag was already filled in with another female name in common use for young girls those days. I realized it was the name of her niece on her husband's side of the family. I never said anything, but it hurt my feelings. I donated the toy to an organization that was collecting for police officers who would give them to children in crisis situations. There were other things given to me by family over the years that had more to do with their likes or whatever. I never felt the need to keep them if the items didn't speak to me. I know most wouldn't even remember having given me the item.
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Post by iprocrastinate on Jun 28, 2015 21:32:56 GMT -5
My nephew and his wife were notorious for the gifts they gave us. Once it was a monogrammed carafe with their initial, not ours. Also a statue of an english cocker spaniel, when we had golden retrievers. Then a few years ago they gave fabulous gifts--a " Nook" for one and two very expensive food and wine baskets another year. I don't know what changed, but we evidently moved up on their Xmas lists.
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Post by immaculata on Jun 29, 2015 9:44:35 GMT -5
I've gotten terrible second hand gifts before and I do know the insult that comes with it. My mother in law bought me what was obviously the first thing she saw in my size at a yard sale one year for Christmas. This was before I started wearing funky clothing and it was an outfit from about ten years before in very bright, ugly colors. I was 24 years old, I wasn't going to wear that. She told me point blank "I bought it at a yard sale, I ran out of money after I bought gifts for (my husband) and (my son). You can wear it though, it's in perfect shape. You don't go anywhere so it doesn't matter what you look like. Wear it while you clean the oven. Have you ever done that?" and then laughed like we were sharing a funny moment. Wow, your mother-in-law is quite... challenging! I would indeed wear that outfit to do cleaning, possibly of a cat's litter tray or a blocked shower plughole or another item that reminded me of her, and then I would take it off and throw it in the bin with great force! Blimey. So what do you think is the best way to handle giving a gift I've bought used for somebody who isn't used to getting things like that from me? Should I do it and explain or should I just stick with something from the regular store? I think I would explain your policy on these items if you feel comfortable with doing so, or even just say - "It's vintage!"
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Post by magda on Jun 30, 2015 1:52:39 GMT -5
this is a good thread for me. I have a hard time getting rid of gifts AND the old tshirts from the preschool or summer camp. Or from deceased relatives, things that ended up with me. I had a flash of insight though I have not yet acted on it. I was looking at some old and well used baking pans but they were my mom's so I am having trouble getting rid of them. She has passed away and I also remember her using them when I was very young so a double whammy sentiment attached. Then recently I was tossing one of my old pans out and I thought I'd hate for my DD to hold to an old battered pan just because it had been mine! I am sure my mom feels the same way. That is a nudge for me in the right direction! Still at the nudge phase thought
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Post by hiding on Jul 4, 2015 20:16:47 GMT -5
It was good to read this. I don't care how old the original post was. It is most relevant for me today. I am spending my 4th working on independence from my clutter. I'm better but I still have a hard time getting rid of some things. Gifts are tough. I'm always afraid the gifter will see the item in the thrift store and feel hurt,
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Post by Arid on Jul 4, 2015 23:32:40 GMT -5
True story, hiding:
My girlfriend and I went to a *HUGE* new-to-us thrift/Goodwill-type store in my friend's hometown.
There, amidst all the "flotsam and jetsam," were two pictures that I had given to her!! (They were very distinctive--a matched set--; so, I *knew* that they were the *EXACT* same ones that I had given to her several years before. Naturally, I recognized them and commented, "Oh, there're your pictures!!) She was *SO* embarrassed. She muttered weakly, "Well, you said that I could get rid of anything that you had given me . . ." I laughed at her discomfiture, and I assured her that it was fine with me that she had given them to the Goodwill people. (After all, I knew that she actively was working to "declutter" her home. She's always been *MUCH* better about that than me.)
She was shocked at the price they had on the pair of pictures, but I assured her that they had priced them exactly correctly; I had, in fact, paid that much for the pair. (We usually didn't spend much on each other. However, I thought that she *really* would like these, given that she had mentioned both the artist and the subject many times in the past.)
I could tell when she had opened this gift from me that she really didn't like it (i.e. the set of pictures) all that much. I was surprised by that , but "it is what it is." Therefore, I wasn't all that surprised that she "got rid of them." I only was surprised that she kept them as long as she did!
So, in spite of that little "moment" and her extreme embarrassment, life went on, and we *STILL* are best friends (albeit long-distant ones)! It was not "the end of the world" for either of us or our relationship.
Take care,
Arid
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Post by Di on Jul 5, 2015 6:36:23 GMT -5
I LOVE sending stuff to thrift stores!! I also love shopping there. I recently gave a friend a wedding gift from a thrift store. It was a pair of extremely heavy lead crystal pillar candlesticks. I hope that they enjoy them, but if they don't, I hope that they pass them on. IMHO, a gift is a token that says you care for an individual. It is a physical representation, it is not the actual emotion. It is the act of giving that is significant, not the actual gift itself. Sometimes, you hit the mark and give just the right thing, other times you goof. There are no strings attached to the item. The "strings" attach hearts.
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Post by italianlady on Jul 5, 2015 18:02:30 GMT -5
It was good to read this. I don't care how old the original post was. It is most relevant for me today. I am spending my 4th working on independence from my clutter. I'm better but I still have a hard time getting rid of some things. Gifts are tough. I'm always afraid the gifter will see the item in the thrift store and feel hurt, Could you throw it away instead then? If that is a real possibility, then it's probably better to just throw it away. I know that sounds cold, but I see it like this; the person giving the gift wants the person getting it to be happy. They don't know that the receiver has clutter problems and they don't know that the person may not be able to use their gift and that they are actually adding to a problem rather than giving something that will make them happy. If by throwing the gift away you are helping yourself get to a place you can be happy at, you are actually honoring the spirit that the gift was given in more than you would be by keeping something that is just in the way. Also, by throwing it out you are doing something to preserve someone else's feelings, which is much more important than it is to provide a miniscule donation to the charity that runs the shop or to provide the item at a low cost to someone who would use it, and it's not going to take up that much space in a landfill. So, my vote is to throw it out. It really won't hurt anything if you do that.
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Post by hiding on Jul 5, 2015 22:12:32 GMT -5
Arid, thanks for the story. It's a very good teaching story. That is, I learned from it.
Italianlady, I hadn't thought of tossing it. The next time the unwanted gift problem comes up, I will see if I can force myself to throw it away. I have to say that it will be difficult for me and I can't promise I will do it. However, if I can, it will be a good exercise in strengthening my de-cluttering muscles.
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