nodemands
New Member
Joined: March 2009
Posts: 19
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Post by nodemands on Mar 13, 2009 9:47:02 GMT -5
Hi everyone, first post from me. I'm here at the end of a week off work that I had specifically taken to sort out a few jobs at home that were overwhelming me. It's Friday afternoon, and I have only achieved one job (organising a regular grocery list to save money & clutter). I had about 17 other jobs to do but I have spent my time at the PC messing around, reading, anything but get a start on some of these jobs (clean out attic, cupboard, old food, throw out things that have needed fixing for 3 years, organise paperwork, etc.) So it's time to talk to some other people who have the same aversion to housework as myself. I compare it to 2 like poles of a magnet - put me near a job around the house, and I will spring away or find it an unnatural effort to do it. So here goes. I have just come out of a year of voluntary psychotherapy and have done a lot of work on various things. I have one of those life histories that I dread people asking about because I often have to minimise and edit my history to avoid that familiar "WTF?" look from the poor person who asked something innocent like, "Do you have family near here?". I'm really proud of my work, the therapy ended positively and I'm clearer about my low self-esteem and can gently challenge the voice that says I don't deserve anything nice. Other people tell me I'm attractive, clever, and successful, but they see me outside and don't know that I hate being at home, that just the sight of my own kitchen makes me cry on a weekly basis. I think I'm basically demand-resistant and live in level 2 most of the time. I don't have any pets so I never have animal waste around, but know I get to level 3 quite often with rotting food and evil things lingering in the bathroom, particularly when very depressed or after a big life tragedy. I just never seem to properly pick myself up betweentimes. I sometimes make a huge effort and return things to a bit below level 1, but I get physically exhausted, and then overwhelmed and resentful when the family doesn't make any effort to keep it that way. Doing all the work AND being responsible for teaching/nagging the rest of the family to look after that work is just too overwhelming for me, I can only ever manage it for about 3 days and then I get resentful that all the energy is coming from me and go on strike, almost without realising it, and within a week the crap is piling up again and no-one else in the house seems to notice or care. I know they do care because we are all unhappy, disorganised and I'm sure unhealthy at some level because of all this. Financially we live from pay packet to pay packet and have precious little spare cash to inject into improving the place. Anyway. Joining this forum is the first step in reaching out and talking about this hidden, shameful, frightening thing which is the way I look after my home and myself. This fall I will become a Mom for the 2nd time  and know from experience that this has the potential for a whole lot of mess & clutter along with a whole lot of sitting around alone at home in it all, so I really want to start working on this well in advance. I was raised in a level 2 house by kindly but very depressed and desperate parents and I don't want the same life for my partner & children.  Thanks for reading my slightly self-pitying beginning!  Looking forward to getting to know you all and picking the brains of those who are further on with their journeys than me. |
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Post by Sapphire on Mar 13, 2009 11:52:34 GMT -5
Welcome to SOS!!  Congratulations on your pregnancy! That's wonderful. I had my 2nd child 10 weeks ago! I completely understand the desire to get de-squalored for your family! I grew up in a cluttered household. I never wanted this for my children. Having my baby has given me a push to get this sorted! Although, at the same time giving me less time and opportunity to do it!!! I really hope your pregnancy is going well. Try not to over tire yourself. And remember we're here to support and encourage! Or just to make you laugh when it all gets a bit too much! The chat room is fab for that!!  |
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Post by eatingbonbons on Mar 13, 2009 14:45:56 GMT -5
Ah, yes, I remember those days, too. But you're ready to get a step ahead of the baby supplies so that's a very good thing. Welcome, NoDemands!
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Post by Arid on Mar 13, 2009 14:53:03 GMT -5
I "heard" a lot of myself in what you wrote!
A lot of us here suffer from "all or nothing" thinking. We want to roll up our sleeves and "get 'er done!" However, not all of us are able to do that. Very occasionally, I can tackle a project for an hour or two at a time, but more often than not, I have greater success with "plugging away" at a job by spending 5 minutes here, and 15 minutes there at it. As long as I keep going back, time after time, day after day, I WILL get a project done! Lately, I've been working at sorting through a pile of stuff that got moved to my upstairs several months ago when we had flooding in our basement due to a hurricane that was passing overhead. I've reduced the pile by half or more. I'm doing in a-few-minutes-at-time increments what I have failed to do in one big "go" for --h-m-m--going on SIX MONTHS!! So, never, never, NEVER underestimate what five minutes' work on a project can do!
Welcome to the board, nodemands. We are glad to have you here!
Arid
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Post by notsomessyshell on Mar 13, 2009 19:08:32 GMT -5
Welcome!  So nice to meet you. Congrats on the coming little one. Good for you on wanting to get a handle on it before baby comes. I can tell you that being here has made a huge difference in my life and my house. Come join us in chat. Challenges and chatting makes everything seem to be easier and go faster. Plus everyone cheering you on is a great motivator. Congrats on the therapy and quieting your inner voice. Yes you do deserve to live in a clean space with nice things!!! |
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Post by Arid on Mar 13, 2009 19:28:45 GMT -5
By the way, I should clarify what I meant.
The "stuff" has been sitting around for six months. I've worked my way through more than half of it by working on it in short bursts of time in only the past week.
Arid
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Post by crazycatlady on Mar 13, 2009 19:48:20 GMT -5
Welcome, NoDemands. Good for you in organizing the regular grocery list! I hate that overwhelmed feeling! But like Arid said, just doing a few minutes EVERY day really makes a huge difference! 
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nodemands
New Member
Joined: March 2009
Posts: 19
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Post by nodemands on Mar 14, 2009 4:46:38 GMT -5
Thank you Sapphire, eatingbonbons, Arid, messyshell and crazycatlady. What a welcoming place! I appreciate the lack of judgement - I could have guessed from my brief lurk that I'd experience this from people here, but oh that rotten voice at the back of the head that says "Except for you. No-one will like you. You're the exception." Incidentally I am now picturing that voice with a rancid sock stuffed into its mouth Thanks guys |
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Post by iprocrastinate on Mar 14, 2009 9:29:40 GMT -5
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Post by crazycatlady on Mar 14, 2009 10:24:25 GMT -5
Thank you Sapphire, eatingbonbons, Arid, messyshell and crazycatlady. What a welcoming place! I appreciate the lack of judgement - I could have guessed from my brief lurk that I'd experience this from people here, but oh that rotten voice at the back of the head that says "Except for you. No-one will like you. You're the exception." Incidentally I am now picturing that voice with a rancid sock stuffed into its mouth Thanks guys
You are an exception here. A very special, unique person. Yes, you are one of the family, but also very exceptional. Very necessary. It would not be the same here without you.
 at stuffing a rancid sock into that negative voice!  |
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Post by creativechaos on Mar 14, 2009 12:13:20 GMT -5
hi nodemands, and welcome to your new family! you will receive so much help and encouragement! there are some fun ways around demand resistance, which i have to. arid's few minute bursts work best for me. some days, i can make it to 15 minutes at a time. most other days, 5 min. it's the focus that counts. having people cheer you on doesn't hurt either! congratulations on your pregnancy, and good for you for stuffing that rancid sock into the mouth of that old rotten voice! |
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Post by valor on Mar 14, 2009 15:36:28 GMT -5
Welcome Nodemands |
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Post by dayeanu on Mar 14, 2009 19:32:11 GMT -5
but oh that rotten voice at the back of the head that says "Except for you. No-one will like you. You're the exception." Yes, I know that little voice all too well. I thought the very same thing when I first signed up. Instead, I have found that most of us here are actually "twins separated at birth." Glad you're here. |
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Post by messymimi on Mar 14, 2009 21:33:54 GMT -5
Welcome, NoDemands !
It is hard to have to try to get the family involved, so try to conquer one area at a time, and all of you practice keeping it that way.
This is only one idea out of many possibilities, you will find lots of others as you read around the boards.
It's good to have you here.
messymimi
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Post by gettingsomewhere on Mar 16, 2009 0:48:25 GMT -5
welcome, we are all family here. your new family. i'm new too, 3 or 4 weeks i guess. keep your chin up. we can get there together.
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