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Post by yellowhouse on Apr 4, 2009 21:04:11 GMT -5
Hi everyone. I've been lurking in this forum for a while now -but never had the courage to post before this. I wasn't really sure why that was (because I'm active in other groups) until I realized a devastating truth about myself a few days ago. I have been keeping my secret for so long that I can't even talk about my horrendous clutter in an anonymous forum!!! Well, I am tired of keeping this secret and I am tired of this house. I have always been a clutterer. I have some OCD tendencies and often feel driven to be perfect. I don't hoard but I do create emotional attachments to things and I have difficulty making decisions when it comes to disposing of my stuff. For most of my life I have been able to hide my problem. I always had the perfectly kept house or apartment....as long as no one ever entered the trashed attic or the spare bedroom that was packed with crap from front to back and top to bottom. The spaces I lived in...and other people saw...were always clean and clutter-free. The stuff I didn't know what to do with was packed into a crammed room that nightmares are made of. My living spaces were beautiful and orderly...my storage spaces were full of wall-to-wall junk. I was content with this. Then I married my husband. His mother is a hoarder. She has paths through her house and multiple freezers with food in them dating back to the 1960's (at least). He grew up believing that you kept everything that entered your house and that garbage was to be hoarded in bags in the back yard rather than taken to the dump. He is not a hoarder himself...but he has even less of an idea of what to do with stuff than I do. To this day, you could hand the man a piece of lint and he would dither with it for a while and then probably turn to me and ask whether lint should be kept for future use. My husband actually thought my idea of living in orderly spaces while having secret horrendous spaces was innovative. A few years after we were married we bought a beautiful historic house that had been neglected. The house has beautiful bones and just needs some TLC. However, after we moved in...and started tearing the place up....my husband announced that it was more work than he bargained for and he was finished working on the house. (WTF?) Then I decided to go back to grad school...while working a full-time job....while living in a torn-apart construction zone...with a man who cluttered more than I did. Then both of my grandmothers passed away in the space of a year (and doesn't every normal person box up the entire house of a deceased person and stack it into their dining room...thus rendering the room unusable?) Fast forward to now.....I gave up somewhere along the line...and my secret room full of stuff and crap is now everywhere. It is in every room and staring at me from every wall, nook, and cranny. It greets me when I walk through the door and is what I see when I fall asleep at night. It overwhelms me. I cannot believe it has come to this. I have realized that I cannot continue living this way. My husband and I have a DD and it is wrong for her to live like this....no one should live this way. My husband does not have the strength to change...but I am realizing that I do. Not only can I not stand this house...but I can't stand this crap. I will never go back to that person who was content to live with the secret room full of junk. I want to become someone else. Someone who is free of these issues and is free of the junk that comes with them. I found this forum at the start of this journey of mine to become another person. I have already started making some different choices...and my house and family are better for it (but that is for another thread). I know it is rather long...but this has been cathartic. I am a private person and I have probably typed more personal secrets in the space of a few minutes than I would tell a high-priced psychiatrist in the space of twenty years. Thanks for giving me a place to tell my story, yellow
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Post by cando on Apr 4, 2009 21:14:34 GMT -5
Great story. Glad you decided to join in & get it out. Nice to have met you in chat, today. CD
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lang
New Member
Joined: March 2009
Posts: 33
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Post by lang on Apr 4, 2009 21:47:20 GMT -5
Wow, yellowhouse, that's a really powerful story. Thanks so much for sharing it with us. I have noticed some members with the 1001 fling ticker in their signatures. Have you thought about participating? The premise is that you throw away 1001 things, no matter how big or small. I think it would be a great start. Here's the link to the relevant thread: takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=action&action=display&thread=4371Thanks for joining us!
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Post by Meme on Apr 4, 2009 22:24:55 GMT -5
I am so glad you came and that you are not hiding any more- you have a big job ahead of you but it can be done step by step- I hope that once your dear hubby sees what you are doing that he will step in and help you- even if he cannot think what to do with things- even if he just asks you- then he can do it--- blessings on a new beginning hugs from Canada
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Post by eatingbonbons on Apr 5, 2009 16:12:01 GMT -5
Welcome, YellowHouse. I love your avatar!
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Post by def6 on Apr 5, 2009 17:18:44 GMT -5
Hey Yellowhouse, great to meet ya! I hope you will join us in the chat room, great things hapnen there these days!
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Post by Ican on Apr 5, 2009 19:49:03 GMT -5
That was a great intro you wrote. Glad you're here! Welcome!
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Post by crazycatlady on Apr 5, 2009 20:27:01 GMT -5
I like the avatar, too. I want to visit that yellow house.
Your home sounds very overwhelming. This community helped so much when I felt overwhelmed. Just the encouragement of others who have been there, and a nudge when needed, can make all the difference. Thanks for your bravery in sharing your story with us.
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Post by skatters on Apr 5, 2009 21:08:40 GMT -5
YH - first off, I want to thank you for your kind words the other day in chat! I promise, I am not normally so whiny! I am glad you had the courage to post your story. You will find a wealth of support and information here. Welcome!
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Post by yellowhouse on Apr 5, 2009 23:10:45 GMT -5
Thanks to everyone. This is such a supportive group.
Most days I feel overwhelmed by my house. Not only do I have to completely clean it out --but then I have to finish the renovations we started a few years ago. I used to feel scared (and angry at my husband) whenever I would think about just how much work that entailed. But lately I have been more positive. If I take it one step at a time...I think I actually can do this!!
To eatingbonbons and crazycatlady: I love that yellow house also!!! I hope that someday my own yellow house is as inviting.
I plan to clean all this coming week. Look to see you guys in chat. yellow
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Post by gettingsomewhere on Apr 6, 2009 0:42:50 GMT -5
welcome yellowhouse. i am pleased you have come to join us. the feeling of being overwhelmed is one many of us share. hopefully together we can help you feel that way less and less. just a little step gets you on your way. and you have already taken that first leap by joining us here. i hope to meet you in chat sometime.
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Post by autumn on Apr 6, 2009 8:03:23 GMT -5
Welcome Yellow! I can relate to your story as I had several close family members pass in a very short time. I literally had boxes to my ceiling and paths. I too had boxed it all up. I know what a job it is to go through it all. There are alot of umbilical cords to all that stuff!!! But as others will tell you, just keep a few things that bring the happiest memories for you. It sounds like you have the right motivation and I know you can do it! The people here are very supportive and I am sure you have found the right place! Eat the elephant one bite at a time....
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Post by breakingfree on Apr 6, 2009 10:13:06 GMT -5
Hi yellowhouse and welcome! Yellow is my favorite color and I, too, love the quaint, welcoming avatar. I am so much like you. While I do not hoard, I also have such a difficult time deciding what to do with stuff. It seems like I end up with boxes of the most unrelated stuff on the planet. Like, there might be cups, cd's, pens, sunglasses, pokemon cards...you get the point!
Anyway, there are lots of great people here with lots of great ideas.
Take care,
BF
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Post by creativechaos on Apr 6, 2009 13:16:03 GMT -5
hi yellowhouse, what a powerfu, beautiful introduction and some great insights! love your avatar too; hold to your vision of that yellow house, you can do it! i like meme's ideas! met you on chat the other night and so came here to officially welcome you!
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Post by messymimi on Apr 7, 2009 18:54:34 GMT -5
Welcome, YellowHouse !
You won't ever be that same person, you have traveled too far to go back. So onward to a better way for you.
Thanks for taking your journey with us along.
messymimi
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