messytessy
New Member
Joined: April 2009
Posts: 24 
|
Post by messytessy on Apr 13, 2009 20:12:46 GMT -5
I guess I should start off with an intro. I grew up in a messy house and now I keep a messy house. We have problems with cockroaches and mice even. I have a hard time parting with stuff especially clothing and books. Worse yet, my live in bf is also a hoarder and clutterer. He thinks that building more shelves is the answer and has expressed great difficulty in getting rid of things. One time my son and I threw out out dated phone books and a collection of bottle caps that he saved for when he might need them. My bf would not speak to us for a week and he actually cried because he felt "sorry" for them. I just wish we could live like normal people in a house where the kitchen sink worked and there wasn't a huge hole in our bathroom wall where we had to rip out the plumbing and fix it. Our house is in such a state that I am actually ashamed to have anyone over. My son has expressed embarrassment at having his friends inside our house. There are plenty of times I start to clean up and then I stop because I feel so overwhelmed with all this STUFF. Maybe this forum can help. Thank you all. ~Messy Tessy  |
|
|
|
Post by skatters on Apr 13, 2009 20:35:24 GMT -5
Tessy - it sounds like you are in the right place! I can relate to your story, especially about your son feeling embarrassed. It's awful, isn't it? Stick around. Read read read every day. Eventually it all starts to sink in.  Welcome! |
|
|
|
Post by crazycatlady on Apr 13, 2009 20:44:59 GMT -5
Welcome, Tessy. So glad that you found us.  There are many people here who are dealing with hoarding, and learning to let go of stuff.
One great idea that I have heard is to claim one small area for yourself, and start with cleaning and maintaining that spot. Maybe a comfortable chair that you can aim towards a wall, so that you have a place to sit and relax when taking breaks from decluttering and cleaning. In time, that one clear area will spread into a larger area.
Keep reading and posting here. We can help!
|
|
|
|
Post by gettingsomewhere on Apr 14, 2009 3:20:51 GMT -5
welcome tessy. glad you're here.
|
|
|
|
Post by eatingbonbons on Apr 14, 2009 13:05:37 GMT -5
Welcome, MessyTessy!
|
|
|
|
Post by messymimi on Apr 14, 2009 13:43:09 GMT -5
Welcome, MessyTessy  !
It's not unusual for some of us to be very anthropomorphic about our possessions. We tend to assign feelings to things. I'm not sure what the solution is except to come to realize that those emotions are in us, not in the objects.
Looking at the whole picture is overwhelming, so just look at one small area at a time. It can be done.
messymimi
|
|
|
|
Post by AnnieOkie on Apr 14, 2009 16:15:27 GMT -5
Welcome to the family MessyTessy!
Your son is embarrassed. This stuck out to me the most in your intro, because my son was embarrassed, too. This is your motivation, if nothing else will do it.
Helping your boyfriend accept and try to manage his hoarding tendencies will be difficult, but sounds like a necessary step. There are many here with great advice on living with a hoarder and I know we can help you through this.
|
|
|
|
Post by valor on Apr 14, 2009 18:25:21 GMT -5
Hi MessyTessy, glad that you found us |
|
|
|
Post by slothzilla on Apr 14, 2009 19:32:14 GMT -5
Wow, not trying to be judgmental, but I thought I was bad - because I was mad at my ex-wife for a long time for talking me into throwing away a bunch of comic book price guides from the 1970s once when we moved. (I've since found out that people collect them and most of them were worth at least $100 each. That made it very hard for me to part with any "collectibles" for a long time). But you know what? I haven't really missed those price guides any, and if I still had them, they'd just be taking up space, and I doubt that I would've ever gotten around to selling them.
I have several years worth of phone books I'm planning to get rid of soon...boy, they do pile up, don't they? They are in a corner of a room I'm working on cleaning (slowly but surely...with the emphasis on slowly!). I'm really looking forward to getting rid of them.
Like your BF, I used to think that more shelves were always the answer...until I got to the point where I had no more wallspace for shelves. I know a guy that not only filled up his house with books, guns, movie posters, art, etc. , but he also has two mini-warehouse units full of them! I've helped him move twice, and that has seriously made me decide that I don't want to wind up like that in another decade (he's older than me, and has been collecting longer...I was definitely heading down that same road...except for the guns part).
Anyhow, I know that you'll get a lot of inspiration and support here, and I hope that your BF has an epiphany about the value of empty space over clutter. Good luck, and I hope that eventually you can change your house into something that you and your son are proud to call home.
|
|
|
|
Post by gettingsomewhere on Apr 14, 2009 20:09:53 GMT -5
hey slothzilla, what do you mean throw out phone books? aren't we supposed to keep those?
just in case we may need to read something we may have doodled in a corner somewhere whilst on the phone!!!
oh my gosh, now i understand why i can't shut that cupboard door anymore. there should only be one of each type.
seriously though, thanks for this, i will toss the phone books.
it appears that we are the same, but different.
hugs all round.
x
|
|
|
|
Post by def6 on Apr 14, 2009 20:51:02 GMT -5
Hey MT,
Welcome ! I'd like to suggest that you take a plastic bag and collect like papers and plastic and stuff that needs to be thrown away. See how much you can collect. How about some broken things? Tie off the bag and look at your accomplishment. The next step is getting it to the trash can outside.Then, come into the chatroom and let us inspire you to to do more.
|
|
|
|
Post by slothzilla on Apr 15, 2009 9:05:27 GMT -5
hey slothzilla, what do you mean throw out phone books? aren't we supposed to keep those? just in case we may need to read something we may have doodled in a corner somewhere whilst on the phone!!! oh my gosh, now i understand why i can't shut that cupboard door anymore. there should only be one of each type. seriously though, thanks for this, i will toss the phone books. it appears that we are the same, but different. hugs all round. x Hi Gettingsomewhere, Every year when they leave new phone books at my doorstep, I always think, "Dang, I never even looked up any numbers in last year's books! Couldn't they just start printing phone books every other year?" I was amazed by how many of them i had when I finally started cleaning up, and stacked up all the phone books I had scattered around my apt... Believe it or not, some people even collect phone books. People will collect anything, I tell ya! I have a friend who recently bought a Manhattan phone book from the late 1940s. He actually had a pretty good reason though - he's a comic art historian, and has tracked down a lot of old timers who were working back in the 1940s, and has interviewed them. Or he's at least managed to contact their families, which has helped his research a lot. My friend lives out in the midwest - I hear he actually has a separate house that is just for his collection, and he & his wife live in a different house. That's taking collecting to a crazy level! |
|
|
|
Post by creativechaos on Apr 19, 2009 12:52:02 GMT -5
hi messytessy and welcome;
i feel for you, having a hoarder boyfriend. i am a hoarder, so know what you are going through. come on in! maybe your bf will too eventually. here you will find people in your situation who can help. it is such a supportive place. i think you will like it here. looking forward to working with you. do you guys have a copy of "buried in treasures"? best hoarding book i have ever read.
|
|
|
|
Post by gettingsomewhere on Apr 25, 2009 6:07:26 GMT -5
hey there sloth... i must not think of my phone books as a collection...omg/
when i was a kid i collected tv guides, weekly ones, for 4 years!!! what was i thinking?
thanks for the recommendation cc. i'll look out for this book. believe it or not i have never read anything on hoarding! scared maybe.
|
|
