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Post by puppybox on Apr 16, 2009 16:48:17 GMT -5
I feel for you. you in hard place. no support. unrelenting work. you have right to vent. come vent everyday! good for mental health.
When I had to teach kindergarten to kids who did not speak English and I did not speak their languages, it was chaos a lot of the time. I felt as you do. One thing that did help was to treat them like dogs. I know, I'm ALWAYS talkign about dogs, and I'm not tryng to change the subject to them, I really had a lot of success when I was fed up respecting them and bribing them and yelling at them and punishing them, I decided to treat them like my 4 month old puppy according to the dog trainign instructions I'd read about in many places.
very simple instructions. physically put the dog/kid in the right place if it doesn't obey. if this is not possible- "shaping". like so:
You want the kid to sit on his chair and take out his book. the kid is running around screaming with a toy airplane. as he passes his chair, you yell GOOD! and give him smiley face/chcolate chip. do this a few times, he'll start hanging aroudn the chair, maybe still runnign around it. now only yell GOOD and give chocolate chip when he's infront of the chair. once he's stopped moving around and is infront of the chair continuously for a while wait till he leans over or somehow hovers or kneels onthe chair and yell good and give chocolate. this can turn into sitting faster than you think. its then not far to opening their book bag and taking outthe book and opening it to right page.
You could try treating kids like this. your reward is too maybe far away and the task too compliated to associate with the reward. I found the kids didn't mind my underestimating their intelligence at all, they thought it was great. I think I had finally given them clear directions they could manage.
I can think of a few ways to apply this to your kids and their tasks. 1) make a list broken down into baby steps as other suggested. they bring you the list after EACH item is checked off before proceeding to next. If make mistake, ddoesn't get too far that way. if make mistake , still offer reward as potential for fixing mistake. no point to punish at this stage or will never try to get it right. why bother? if make mistake, negative. if do nothing, not negative, free time!
2)or, stand over them as they do task first 10 times. You ask them now what? -they say get clothes. you ask now what? they say put clothes in -you say NO, think harder. they must remember to sort clothes. you say now what? they say.... until task finished. task takes longer than if you did it alone. but after 10 times kids can do in sleep and are pushing out of the room so they can do it faster and get it over with.
3) or, you literally treat them like dogs. you can get m and m's or somehting and give 1 M for each part completed. YAY! you turned on the water!- give M. Is it hot enough? YAY! you made water hotter, give an M. YAY! you out soap on the sponge. give M. they will think you nuts. but could work.
4)hah! try treating husband same way.
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Post by creativechaos on Apr 16, 2009 17:24:47 GMT -5
hey CCL,
you moms and wives have this thankless endless situation. feel for you so much. so yes, vent away! get it out of your body!
then sit down and have a nice cuppa (something non caffeinated). everyone has these thoughts, it's natural when you're not getting the help you need.
lots of great ideas here already. puppybox's made me laugh! just might work too! love the idea of instruction lists. and maybe sitting them down and saying that when you offered to give them tickets for doing chores, you mean chores that are done to your standards, and if they have any question about that, they need to ask you to show them what you mean by that.
just want to know i feel for you sister, and commend you for coming here to deal with the frustration. keep the faith, and as mimi says, use that anger to keep on going and not give up.
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hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815 
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Post by hopehope on Apr 16, 2009 20:54:45 GMT -5
not sure what your options are for this but... sounds like you need a little time away -- a drive to whereever and take in a movie -- or to a bookstore and browse -- till you lose yourself for a while -- or a trip to the park, and a walk alone -- or a visit with a female friend and some belly laughs.
you need a fresher mind and some pressure relief --
ps when I have something horrible to do -- as perhaps the kids see these jobs? -- the miracle is when something changes things so that they become fun.
what usually does this is company --
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Post by comingclean on Apr 16, 2009 21:05:36 GMT -5
Hey all -- i appreciate all the suggestions and words of encouragement.
Today I'm still angry, not as much, but it's still there.... and I feel like I'll never get it to an acceptable level for the insurance guy (who did call today and confirm for monday at 10). I'm not even looking for CLEAN, I just want things decluttered so we can move around. I can go back and CLEAN things afterwards..... what I mean by that is I'm not shampooing carpets (which are filthy) or washing windows, or curtains, or painting dirty walls that are beyond cleaning. I figure those can be done AFTER I get the house emptied out.
Right now i've just hit a wall.... I don't feel like I can keep going and I feel like even if I DO I won't get anywhere..... I need motivation badly.
Comingclean
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Post by puppybox on Apr 17, 2009 10:45:08 GMT -5
I vote for going to the movies. really, you need refreshing.
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Post by cando on Apr 17, 2009 11:18:08 GMT -5
Puppybox-- I love your posts and ideas!!! Wish that I had that many years ago... hmmm. I may just try some of this now!!! Yeah, they'll be on to me... but it might be fun (thinking of the M & M idea specifically)... but Hey! it might work anyway!!! Yeah, for DH too.  And, if it doesn't... I'll take your Movie idea, too... CD  |
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Post by notsomessyshell on Apr 17, 2009 11:30:45 GMT -5
I hope that you are feeling better today. I wish I had magic words for you. There have been some great suggestions here so far. I wish I could come help you! Take some time for yourself no matter what the deadline is. You need to take care of you!
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