|
Post by comingclean on Apr 15, 2009 18:07:23 GMT -5
I am SOOoooooo Angry right now. The kids are just not doing very much at all. They are supposed to be earning tickets for the Bunny raffle by working, but all i'm getting is a bunch of half done jobs. TWICE today they have put laundry soap in both the soap AND the softener places in the washer -- which means clothes must be washed twice. Waste of soap, waste of water, waste of electricity, and waste of time! I give them an assignment and they half do the job and then want another ticket. I told them i'm about ready to start taking tickets AWAY instead of giving them. Oh, and DS14 and DS10 have been washing pots and pans.... at least, that's what they call it. I go in and find pots that have grease standing on them cause they aren't washing in hot water. When I asked them why they were putting up dirty pots they said they couldn't see anything on them.... WELL, GEEZ, ....... FEEL THE STUPID POT WITH YOUR HAND AND YOU CAN TELL IT'S GREASY!!!!!!!!!! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So, I decide after their numerous breaks that I'm gonna take one. I turn on the tv to CMT -- Extreme Home Makeover is on..... and I start to lose it. These people have whole communities coming together to BUILD them a home. ALL this stuff is just given to them. I can't even get someone to take out the trash with out begging and pleading. I know it's gonna come down to the wire where I have to have this house finished and I'll be up for 3 days straight working..... and they'll reap all the benefits. And while I am recooperating..... well, they'll trash it all again. I am just so MAD and ANGRY, and I want to scream at the top of my lungs! I hate my life. I hate how unfair all of this is.... Sometimes I hate my family (like now). WHY don't they want to help? I've offered them a prize. I've given them opportunities to watch TV (which they had been grounded from because of their behavior). I've given them ice cream on breaks. I'd like to just get the whole house clean and say "sorry, you didn't do anything so you can't come in..... go find somewhere else to live". I WANT to be a good wife and mother.... I WANT to be a good Christian.... but right now I feel too angry to do anything.
|
|
|
Post by clutterbunny on Apr 15, 2009 18:49:31 GMT -5
I'm so sorry comingclean, I can feel your frustration and anger. I really hope you can try to do something nice for yourself. Wish I could say more. Luv Ya Bunny
|
|
|
Post by messymimi on Apr 15, 2009 20:28:16 GMT -5
You have my sympathy, on all counts.
It only takes them a few minutes for to undo everything. It is horrible.
Stay angry. Stay angry enough to win.
messymimi
|
|
|
Post by skitter on Apr 15, 2009 20:59:25 GMT -5
Hi Comingclean,
Congratulations on the good start you made today. I'm sorry the children are not doing a good job of helping. It really is unfair.
I have never had the energy drink that you mention. I'm wondering whether the caffeine boost in it might have irritability as a side effect. You have every right to be irritated, but sometimes caffeine can make it difficult to be calm in trying situations.
Hope I've not overstepped my mark. It's just that I find that drinking too much coffee affects me that way. Cheers, skitter
|
|
|
Post by moggyfan on Apr 15, 2009 21:10:49 GMT -5
When your vent (which, mind you, you richly deserve to have!) is winding down, I wonder if you might ponder this:
Is it possible your kids are still trying to learn the new skills? (I mean, I dunno how they could've messed up the laundry soap twice in a row, but...) It takes some practice to get dishes right; once you're calmer, maybe they need some "lessons in dishwashing". It seems logical to us adults that of course you need hot water and soap to remove grease....but kids? Maybe not so much.
Though I don't have children, I've been a teacher for 35 years, and it never ceases to amaze me how many times I have to explain the same thing over and over and over till (usually!) it finally sinks in.
I may be off the mark here, or the problem might be a combination of la-iness and lack of knowledge, but all this is probably new to them (since it doesn't sound as if they've been consistently helping up to now). But perhaps "Housekeeping 101" class might help?
|
|
|
Post by comingclean on Apr 15, 2009 21:25:42 GMT -5
Hope I've not overstepped my mark. It's just that I find that drinking too much coffee affects me that way. Cheers, skitter
Skitter -- not overstepping at all. I have sometimes wondered about those drinks too -- partially why I don't drink them usually. I have noticed that if i drink one on an empty stomach i get a terrible stomach ache (same thing happens if i drink coffee on an empty stomach, but doesn't happen with pop, go figure). I also noticed i was VERY cranky, but I just attributed that to feeling so bad because of the stomach ache. Anyway, I drank a SECOND one around 6 -- so I should be awake for quite awhile now. I don't think I'll be buying anymore though unless i'm on a long road trip.
I may be off the mark here, or the problem might be a combination of la-iness and lack of knowledge, but all this is probably new to them (since it doesn't sound as if they've been consistently helping up to now). But perhaps "Housekeeping 101" class might help?
moggyfan - They have been shown how -- several times. Most of what they have been doing is what they are SUPPOSED to have been doing all along -- the problem is that they DON"T do their regular chores. I think sometimes they screw up so that I WILL get mad and tell them to just not bother at all. But, with that being said, tomorrow is a new day. I plan on getting started by teaching yet once again how to do dishes in the morning and how to do laundry.... AGAIN.
Still angry.... still tired.... don't know WHEN i'll ever get stuff done.
|
|
|
Post by AnnieOkie on Apr 15, 2009 21:41:22 GMT -5
Comingclean-I know how frustrating kids can be. You are doing an awesome job getting things done! I was honestly thinking today that I want to literally teach my boys how to do the dishes, I've never shown them the things my Mom taught me. So that is on the agenda. I found a few things they had messed with last time they mowed the lawn, but older son says he didn't do anything with the mower or the weed-eater.....anyway....I got them working. Kids will always be frustrating and I'm glad to hear you're hanging in there. Hopefully it will all sink in.
|
|
|
Post by moggyfan on Apr 15, 2009 21:46:56 GMT -5
cc, If you'll do dishwashing instructions again, I'll take another stab at run-on sentences. Best to you!
|
|
|
Post by Meme on Apr 15, 2009 22:03:58 GMT -5
there is quite an age gap for kids to be working together - on chores- try separating them and it might make it better for both - make a small note book with the steps re the chores- just simple and basic steps- and keep it in a special area- do not let them or you get rid of it- you can add more chores with steps later - remember kids have short mind spans- sigh tomorrow is a new day and angry is good is we do not let the sun go down on it- perhaps if you can talk to one or both later when all is calm- you can ask them if they understood your anger and remind them how frustrating it can be for you to have to deal with the responsibility of doing it all or making sure it is all done- and most of all- put your feet up some where and try to relax- for give them and yourself- sigh big hugs--
|
|
|
Post by mish on Apr 15, 2009 23:49:15 GMT -5
Hello, I'm a long-time lurker and very infrequent poster, so excuse me if I'm butting in!
I liked meme's idea of a notebook with instructions, but how about making "how to do laundry" and "how to wash pots" basic documents in Word (the fewer steps the better) and stick them up on the wall/wherever near the washer/sink? I'm the sort of person who likes instructions, and if it's there and I can follow each step I'm more likely to finish properly. Then the kids can't say "I forgot what to do" although you may need to stand there and watch them do it the first couple of times.
Signs like these could be really handy - I don't know how much family you have or how old all the kids are, but (heaven forfend!) should you get sick or something everyone will still know what to do.
And yes, I would start taking back tickets! In fact, keep them yourself anyway, and maybe keep track on the calendar of who has how many, adjusted according to behaviour. And don't worry if it falls into the minuses.
I don't have a DH or kids, but reading threads like this makes me so relieved! I have issues keeping my own home squalor-free, I don't need any "help" messing it up!
Good luck and let us know how you get on.
|
|
|
Post by Di Dreaming on Apr 16, 2009 9:25:02 GMT -5
Sticky notes--- put them on everything. Use HOT water to wash dishes. DO NOT put detergent in the softener dispensor, Make your bed, on the door to their bedroom: Is anything of yours left cluttering the house?
The notes have a 2 fold purpose, they are effective reminders AND they embarass kids when friends see them. Peer pressure is THE most effective kid motivator.
I had one on the cabinet doors; If you can open me, then you are capable of shutting me.
|
|
|
Post by messyjedi on Apr 16, 2009 13:47:46 GMT -5
Hang in there comingclean. I know all too well how frustrating it can be training children to help. I would definitely make tickets a 2 way street. They earn them for a job done correctly. Jobs that need to be redone lose a ticket. We have not been great about follow through, but we bought the chore boards from accountable kids and the program really has worked for our kids. The basics of it is nothing is free. They earn literally everything, tv time, trampoline time, riding their bikes, the biggies like video games and computer time. As far as not doing jobs correctly, I have jobs that I won't ask the kids to do because I am particular about them. Only dh or I wash dishes. I do the bulk of washing clothes. The kids, however, unload the dishwasher, and fold part of the laundry. And the part they fold/ take care of, I don't go behind them and check. The point is not to have it folded perfectly, but to have it put in it's place and useable. They also take care of the animals (with adults checking their work since a living creature is depending on them for survivial), take out the trash, take the laundry to the garage, make their own beds.......Maybe there are some jobs that would take work off your list without needing to be done perfectly all the time?
|
|
|
Post by notsomessyshell on Apr 16, 2009 14:18:02 GMT -5
Oh Comingclean I so understand the wanting to give up thing. I am right there with you. My kids know how to do stuff right. I am finding that they rush through stuff. You know cause their lives are so very interesting and exciting they can't spare much time for *gasp* chores. Do you think they are testing you? Trying to see just how serious you are about this cleaning stuff? I think mine have done things wrong so that I will stop making them do it! NOPE. Do it over and over until it is done right. I hate it. I DO want to do it correctly. It is really hard to not and to make them do it over again. I can give you some hope, Oldest can now do laundry perfectly! Youngest can do the silverware and plastic plates perfectly! NO they don't like it. They still complain. But it is getting done. Sometimes. Take a moment for yourself. Know that we are all with you!
|
|
|
Post by def6 on Apr 16, 2009 15:34:48 GMT -5
Hey CC,
I'm sorry that you feel so angry and frustrated right now. May I suggest some way to get all of that out such as punching a pillow or screaming into it (it muffels the noise.) or maybe a good cry . I myself have been so frustrated because I know my husband will not help me with the house and my kids don't help me very well. In fact they mess up more than they help. A long time ago, I was feeling very hopeless and alone and very angry about this, then I read the intro by Fivecat a member here and on the old SS site about how it is up to US to get out of the hole we are in . And it was about how her husband finally started helping well after she was on her way. I have had to accept that it might be just me that gets us out of this hole. It's not fair but it may be the case for you as well. As for the kids, I think it's good for them to do chores and do them right and you are quality controll. They need to do them correctly and without a lot of policing in order to get rewarded. This will not only help you but will help them later in life when they have their own families. My prayers go out to you and your family.
|
|
|
Post by valor on Apr 16, 2009 15:56:10 GMT -5
Venting is A-O.K. by me. We're trying to deal with situations that are difficult and frustrating and if we didn't need to vent sometimes I'd wonder if we were really humans or some sort of robots Hmmm, robots, house-cleaning robots, when the h*ll are they gonna have those available for sale? Yeah, now we have the Roomba etc. but we need something more comprehensive. I'm too old, but younger squalorees may just see that being available
|
|