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Post by Meme on Apr 15, 2009 23:28:35 GMT -5
I started to clean my home to a safe and healthy standard quite some time before I came to SoS but it took me a long time to understand my accountability and responsibility towards the mess we got our selves in---- --I have never gone back and tried to find a reason for why we got to where we were- it was not the total time of our marriage or raising kids that things were sour nor did the squalor come quickly- it was a down slide but how or why or where it started has not been answered for me and I will not go back to find out why-- and when I did restart my life it still took me a long time to become accountable to myself- you see. it did not matter about being accountable to others until I could become accountable to and for me- I do not know what the settings were that suddenly made me decide that I was not only accountable but also worth while to have a clean sink and stove and floor and bed and toilet and tub and so on- and I realized that not only did I deserve these things I was the one that had to make it happen for me- accountable is one of those things that does not happen over night - either the fall or the getting up now I am also smart enough to realize that I can fall again but if I do I also know that I can get up again- I will say that once I started that papa hubby did jump on the wagon with me and started to see himself as a partner in crime--  - and a partner in regrowth- |
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Post by Lucky Laura Loving Life on Apr 15, 2009 23:42:19 GMT -5
Dear Papaswife, This is a very true topic! I am in a awkward situation with my DH as I have been trying very hard to create a LOT of progress very quickly but He's very,very, angry all the time lately. So while I know it is a path to growth that has and will continue to improve his living situation, He will give me no support or kudos at all.  Because He is like this I have been teaching/reconditioning myself that I need to take responsibility for myself and my mess. Congratulations on managing on your own!!  I am so impressed! This group has been my salvation,how you managed just states volumes on your strength. Love, Laura |
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Post by annieblue on Apr 16, 2009 2:02:53 GMT -5
Meme -I am so happy for you that your journey has brought you to where you are today. A long road, yes, but now you know you DON'T EVER have to live in the 'lost home' again. I think what you said about realizing WE CAN do it again if we fall is one of the most important things I have learned in my process. I also think the beginning of climbing out, taking responsibility, & being accountable starts with the glimmers of feeling ourselves worthy of better. Even just glimmers of self-esteem helps soooo much. And I agree, sometimes it can take us a lifetime, if ever, to sort out how & why we went down the slope to begin with, & maybe no one ever really figures out the entire concoction of factors. I think about it, give it some time in my head, & then get back to living in the moment - knowing I can always think about it some more on another day when I need to. Thank you for so often sharing your successes & hope with us. It means a lot to me. 
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