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Post by comingclean on Apr 20, 2009 23:10:32 GMT -5
Ok, pardon this interruption, but my brain is running and I need to let it go before it hurts itself..... I recall someone posting about buying stuff for a life they don't lead awhile back.. I remember thinking... yep, i do that. But tonight I was absently watching hulu (my new vice.... i need to work on that one) and a random thought struck me. I'm constantly thinking "in my next house...." or "when I get a room added on" or "if we could just take out this wall".... you get the idea. It's like I cannot focus on the current problem. That if i can just survive until *sometime in the future* i'll suddenly be able to have a spectacular home free from squalor. IF i can just wait. The problem.... I'm always waiting. I spend my days sitting around watching tv or surfing the web and not doing anything to better my self or my home. I feel like i'm just biding my time. What kind of way to live is that? It makes me mad. I've spent my life WAITING for some magical time when I can finally start living! Well WHAT am I doing now? Flying in a holding pattern? I think I ran out of gas  Maybe I'm just gonna crash... maybe I already have. The whole time i was in college i kept thinking... "as soon as i graduate THEN my life will begin". Guess what? It's been a year since i graduated, no "miraculous job" no real change in my life at all. Except now I'm in debt up to my eyeballs and have no way pay it back. I feel like a failure. Not only as a "worker" but as a wife and a mother. And why? because here I sit, day after day, thinking that I need to wait till Tomorrow to get started because Tomorrow is the start of my "new life". Well, tomorrow has come and gone. The present is now. My life is now. I have no guarantee that I will have a tomorrow. People die for no good reason and I have no way of knowing it won't happen to me. I need to quit feeling sorry for myself and LIVE. But not frivolously, i need to LIVE my LIFE as it is NOW.... wife, mother of 4, keeper of 1 cat 1 dog and 1 goldfish that's about 4 inches long, and official homemaker of my beautiful house (cause if i took care of it the house would truly be beautiful). Ok, I'm tired of thinking now.... I think my brain has run it's course. Thanks for listening. Comingclean |
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Post by Vassili on Apr 20, 2009 23:12:46 GMT -5
Yep, you got the perfectionism thing really bad. I am exactly like that.
All I can say is... making a list of your current problems and tackling them one by one is helping me live in the "now."
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Post by Meme on Apr 20, 2009 23:36:54 GMT -5
your brain is working like mine did in the past--I think the shock of papa hubby having cancer and what it did to him and how much he did need was a lot less than we used to think was he/I needed- it changed me--
now I can exist of a lot less and yes- I hope to have an even smaller space some day as I now no longer need so much to enjoy life -
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Post by slothzilla on Apr 21, 2009 6:51:31 GMT -5
I have the same feelings too, comingclean. It reminds me of the John Lennon quote "Life is what happens while you're making other plans."
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Post by mariposa on Apr 21, 2009 17:37:17 GMT -5
I'm the same way. Thank you for your post, it was helpful to actually read those thoughts instead of them being vague ideas in my head.
I hope this is the first step for you for living today.
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Post by comingclean on Apr 21, 2009 18:01:06 GMT -5
you know mariposa -- that is the way i feel about alot of things. like i am on the verge of some great truth to my life but that it is only a vague idea in my head.... something that most of the time i can't wrap my mind around and when i DO try it just dissappears like a puff of smoke |
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Post by gettingsomewhere on Apr 21, 2009 19:00:35 GMT -5
well said cc, let's make today the start of our fabulous new lives.
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heather
New Member
Joined: April 2009
Posts: 52
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Post by heather on Apr 21, 2009 20:18:22 GMT -5
Yes... the quote in here really gets me: "I'm going to use that someday. Someday when everything's squared away." How much of our stuff is in this category? 50%? That's still a squalorous pile! Our dream lives include everything in this pile -- (learning French tapes! scrapbooking! sewing!) -- so it's no wonder we never seem to reach the promised land where it all fits in one closet, in neatly labeled bins. I noticed some mold on something the other day, and I keep thinking about it being in the air, and I how I can't wait to get to the clean air in my NEXT house.... |
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Post by disarray on Apr 21, 2009 21:00:37 GMT -5
Comingclean, I can definitely relate to waiting. When I was in college I also thought, "As soon as I graduate then my life will begin." It seems like every stage of my life is just a waiting game for the next stage. "As soon as THIS happens, then I'll start living." I think Souggy's right in that it's related to perfectionism. Things aren't perfect, so we have to put our lives on hold until they are. And of course they never will be...
I'm trying not to play the waiting game any more, but it's not always easy.
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Post by skatters on Apr 21, 2009 23:31:25 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing this, comingclean.
May I suggest that you read this once a day, until it really sinks in?
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Post by dayeanu on Apr 22, 2009 0:40:14 GMT -5
ComingClean, I could have written that. Even down to moving walls and adding rooms!
No advice, no suggestions. Just that I am there, too.
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