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Post by heylady1 on May 20, 2008 13:39:46 GMT -5
I've been married for 20 years, we have a 19 year old son, I work full-time nights, hubby is disabled, dad is 80 years old, a widower and has the beginnings of dementia. I used to lurk over at SS even after I was banned. Yes, I was banned there. My name over there was Reality Check which is what I was trying to do for myself. You see, I posted there because of concerns for my son but one thing I couldn't do was admit that I too have a problem. I actually lied to the very people that would understand. By the time I realised what I had done it was too late. I have a problem. If you walked into my house right now, you'd probably wonder what the fuss is about, but I used to have some clutter issues in the living areas of the house, and by golly don't go looking in the closets!! Especially the one which has my husbands stuff in it! The laundry room is starting to become really, really full with things that have nothing to do with laundry. The shed in the backyard was cleaned out not too long ago (looked really good too) but now it's starting to accumulate stuff again. I have issues with hoarding some things - mainly stuff that most people would go "huh?" over....like anything to do with my hobby which is fish keeping. I have 8 tanks and I keep even little tiny bits of tubing, or air pumps that barely work. Some things I have no problems with, like doing dishes or laundry. Heck there isn't too much laundry to do even when I let it go as none of us have a lot of clothing, mainly because I hate shopping for clothes. I think I'm actually OC on some things as I can't go to bed when the sink has dirty dishes in it, and when we leave the house I have to recheck the doors and windows before I feel that I can leave. I also have an issue with window blinds - if they aren't perfectly straight, then it will bother me until I fix them. But I can shove empty boxes in the shed until it's stuffed and that's okay.  I can drag around boxes of books that haven't been touched for 5 years, and that's okay too... I have issues with collecting animals too. The only thing that has saved me from going too far was my hubby's wake up call saying enough is enough. That and a lack of money! This has happened a couple of times in the past. Before my son was born I used to breed birds. Mostly finches and some parakeets. At one point I had like 30 birds. Then I had our son and I was unable to keep up with everything. Hubby pointed out that I was overwhelmed, and I ended up selling all my birds or giving them away. Which broke my heart but was good for the birds as they would have been the ones to suffer if things had continued down that path. After my son was older we took in a stray cat which had kittens....you can see where I'm going with this huh? At first we were able to spay and neuter them all, find homes for some. But it seemed like everyone in the neighborhood dumped their cats off on us and again, we ended up having too many (8) and we could no longer afford their vet bills, etc...so I found homes for all but 2 of them. Those 2 cats I ended up taking to the humane society. Which again broke my heart but was the best thing for the cats. Now I'm doing it again with fish! I am at my limit now, almost over my ability to care for them but I can't figure out the "whys" of doing this. Thank goodness I haven't done the same thing with dogs (we have one dog that we've had for 11 years now - we also have a canary) I think I get obsessed with one "type" of animal and away I go. Depression, anxiety, body squalor are things I have dealt with in the past, demand resistance is something I deal with now although thanks to SS I am learning to deal with that too! Lurking over at SS has helped me and my son greatly. I can't express well enough how much motivation it has provided. I read other peoples problems and their awesome triumphs and then I get up and do something!! I know that being here will help me so much too! I definitely need a Reality Check from time to time..... |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on May 20, 2008 21:20:12 GMT -5
I used to lurk over at SS even after I was banned. Yes, I was banned there. My name over there was Reality Check which is what I was trying to do for myself. You see, I posted there because of concerns for my son but one thing I couldn't do was admit that I too have a problem. I actually lied to the very people that would understand. By the time I realised what I had done it was too late. I have a problem. Hello! I remember you! Distinctly! You posted something like "My teenage son's room is a mess. Is he destined to live a life of squalor?" That was your first post. Pretty much all you said. Maybe you said something about him not listening when you told him to clean. Something like that. (I was never an admin but I read the board EVERY day. And I remember way too many details,  ). My reaction to your post was "what the heck?" -- it sounded is as if you were a mom with a clean home who didn't like her teenaged son's bedroom being a bit messy. So .. . I privately reported your post to the admins. It is entirely possible that I was responsible for getting you banned, but ... I think others may have reported you, too. I noticed after that .... that you still logged on sometimes, which seemed odd to me... I guess you were banned after that. I guess you could have posted on the "Oh Pigpen" forum ... which didn't require a logon ... or just sent an email directly to pigpen ... and explained that you really needed help for yourself as well. I'm sure that Pigpen would have let you back in if you had explained. But I understand that you were scared off by all that. I'm glad you are back with us and telling your own story. These boards are about cleaning up our own messes. Glad you are telling us your story. And I welcome you. Hugs, Lioness [Editing to add more hugs!]  |
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Post by angelinahedgehog on May 21, 2008 11:59:15 GMT -5
To clarify one thing... You weren't banned from SS. However, your posts were moderated. Anything you posted had to be approved by a moderator. I don't recall seeing any posts from you in the to-be-approved area after Pigpen locked squalorsurvivors.com/community/forums/96736/ShowPost.aspx and pointed you to the policies area, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. However any posts in which you continued to present yourself as someone who wasn't dealing with her own squalor problems would not have been approved. If you had tried to post again, and said what you said here, I would have approved it. And in fairly short order you would have been off the moderated list. So no, you weren't banned. At SS, we ban trolls. We redirect cleanies to other areas. You presented yourself as a cleanie at SS, you got redirected, and you were put on moderated status to make sure you stayed redirected. |
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Post by metamorpha on May 21, 2008 23:58:42 GMT -5
I have issues with collecting animals ... Now I'm doing it again with fish! I am at my limit now, almost over my ability to care for them but I can't figure out the "whys" of doing this. Thank goodness I haven't done the same thing with dogs (we have one dog that we've had for 11 years now - we also have a canary) I think I get obsessed with one "type" of animal and away I go. At least you're recognizing it is a problem that might be getting out of hand. I remember a discussion on SS about animal hoarding ... but I do not have a very good memory. Something about it not being too big of a problem if you're not in denial. |
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Calico
New Member
Joined: October 2011
Posts: 59
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Post by Calico on May 22, 2008 21:41:17 GMT -5
Hi and welcome, heylady! (Love your name.) I'm glad to have you here.
Calico
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Post by heylady1 on May 23, 2008 10:26:50 GMT -5
It took me awhile to reply to this because I actually ended up having a panic attack! I had posted this then later on that night (at work at break time) I checked back on and realised how many people had read this and all and that I had posted for all the world to see.....well it felt like someone had come to my door to inspect my house. Stupid, I know. But I wanted to PM one of the admins and beg them to delete this post and discontinue my account here. It was only because I was at work that I didn't do so. Then I got paralyzed for a couple of days and didn't know what to do. I am learning to "deal with it" as my son likes to say. As far as the banning on SS...I am not very computer savvy so when I came back one time and tried to post it said I couldn't because it said "user account banned". It never occurred to me to do anything about it, I've never been banned before and really, I figured I deserved it. I still do have concerns over my son! Trying not to be judgemental or anything but his squalor is so different from mine that I was worried about him being depressed. I still worry about him but things have been improving and really he still seems like a pretty happy balanced person. Gotta go but thanks for everyone's welcome I do appreciate it!! |
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Post by angelinahedgehog on May 23, 2008 12:07:13 GMT -5
Interesting. Perhaps you were actually banned. The rest of what I said stands - including the fact that if you had later presented yourself as dealing with a squalor problem of your own, you would have been allowed back in with no problem.
(I also suspect that this is one of those instances where the user name was unfortunate given the fact that tone doesn't come across well on the internet. You may have been hoping to get a reality check for yourself, but it sounded like you were trying to be a reality check for your son and the board. If you had called yourself something less loaded with judgment, things might have gone differently.)
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Post by heylady1 on May 23, 2008 12:40:49 GMT -5
I hadn't even thought of that!!  I meant it for myself!! Maybe I should have used INeedARealityCheck or something like that. REALLY, REALLY SORRY  to have come across badly. Seems like I screw everything up. |
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Post by Celeste on May 23, 2008 13:18:45 GMT -5
REALLY, REALLY SORRY to have come across badly. Seems like I screw everything up. Don't beat yourself up on our account, hon. We all make missteps from time-to-time. After all, we misunderstood you! You are here at last and very much welcome.  |
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Post by gifted on May 23, 2008 13:19:05 GMT -5
You are brave for sharing your history at SS. I do not recall your postings, but I am sure that as long as you focus on your own issues, you will be welcome here.
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Post by heylady1 on May 23, 2008 22:42:18 GMT -5
Thank you all for being so kind! |
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Post by creativechaos on May 23, 2008 22:52:42 GMT -5
Welcome, heylady1! Always glad to meet another SS (oops I mean squalor to serenity) sib. The folks here have been loving, supportive, and encouraging with me no matter how little I got done. I can only take tiny steps, toward where I want to be, and nobody ever makes me feel 'less than' for that. you'll love working here, and will gain a lot. People are so happy to share and so generous. Glad you're here as one of us.
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Post by onwardandupward on May 25, 2008 21:54:24 GMT -5
Yes, it is hard to be honest on a board like this, but it is even harder to be honest with ourselves....and being honest with ourselves is the key to recovery, in my opinion.
I think you have taken a big step. You didn't delete your post. You didn't run away.
Welcome to the wonderful world of healing. You are in good company.
Onward
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Post by Meme on May 26, 2008 0:36:47 GMT -5
glad you came here- hmmm- did not know about the banning and I also understand our hiding behind something or someone else.....it is a start though and I hope you stay here and stay out of the closet0-- - I too sometimes do or use generic terms or thoughts as it is hard to face ''me'' .  |
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Post by Lucky Laura Loving Life on Apr 24, 2009 22:14:20 GMT -5
 Hi Hey Lady, Interesting reading all this background! So Glad all the issues were faced and we have been lucky enough to have you here with us !  Love,Laura
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