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Post by neverstoplearning on May 20, 2008 15:18:44 GMT -5
Hi,
I'm the professional organizer who lurks a lot and occasionally used to post as "wantingtohelp." I've changed my screen name to "neverstoplearning."
I have followed this site off and on way back since the Julie Morgenstern days, when I was seeking help for my own issues with squalor. My squalor was probably level 2 at its worst but I just happened to be lucky enough to get the right support at the right time and I was able to recognize and halt a downward slide that could easily have become a level 3 or 4.
I've pretty much conquered my own demons, but I hope I never stop learning how to help others, so that's why I keep coming back.
I feel like the advice and support offered here are stellar, and there is no need for me to offer my two cents' worth, but if anyone would ever like to hear the perspective of a professional organizer, please just ask. -neverstoplearning
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Post by messymimi on May 21, 2008 19:13:17 GMT -5
Dear neverstoplearning, Love your screen name. That is how I sign "congratulations on your graduation" cards. I feel that if I'm not learning, I'm not living. messymimi
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Post by creativechaos on May 23, 2008 23:54:04 GMT -5
hi neverstoplearning, love your new name. I didn't know until reading your post that you dealt with your own squalor issues to get where you are today, helping others with the same problem. so how did you do it? I'd love to hear more of your story.
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Post by neverstoplearning on May 24, 2008 11:11:32 GMT -5
My story is pretty tame in comparison to what some of you have dealt with, but since you asked, here goes:
I have always had a very high tolerance for visual clutter and general household squalor. Things like dust, sticky counters, mildew in the shower, cobwebs in the corners, etc. have to get pretty bad before it would occur to me to do something about them. I could step over dirty underwear on the floor for several days before it would occur to me to pick it up. I never really learned to put things away just for the sake of cleaning up after myself. I usually left things out until I needed the surface for something else, and then I would clean up whatever I had left out, which may have been 2 days or 2 months ago.
For my early life, this wasn't really a problem because I didn't have a whole lot of possessions, and the people I lived with would let me know when I needed to clean. I never minded when they asked me to clean up, but without their reminders, it didn't occur to me to do it on my own. (In a lot of ways, I was like the husbands many women complain about who just don't "see" what needs to be done).
I was lucky enough to marry a man who de-stresses from work by cleaning the house, and he doesn't mind cooking (which I detest). I really had it made! Also, in the first few years of our marriage, we spent most of our time out of our home, working or playing, so the house was just a place to eat, sleep and bathe. I didn't pay much attention to it.
Then I had kids and quit working to be a stay-at-home mom. My husband took a new position which was more money, but also required him to be at work longer hours. Suddenly, I was spending tons more time in my home, with no skills or habits to know how to keep it up, plus I had all the extra clutter that babies bring. My husband still helped, but he was working really hard outside the home, and I knew that I needed to figure out how to maintain the home.
Once I actually started trying to do some housework on a regular basis, I discovered how much I truly hated it! I was 100% committed to being a stay-at-home mom, but I hated the domestic side of things. And now that I was spending so much time at home, it was getting dirty and cluttered exponentially faster than when it was just me and DH and we were out all the time. I was really miserable and overwhelmed by the general state of my home. I became depressed.
I had a dead fish in a fishbowl for 3 weeks. I would be aware of science experiments growing in the fridge, but I just pushed them to the back instead of dealing with it. Dirty diapers often sat for a few days before eventually making it to the garbage. I had mold growing on the wall behind the boxes of baby clothes that were lined up in my bedroom.
All the while, I functioned incredibly well outside the home, and became very involved in kids' playgroups and nursery school activities. I always had my paperwork in on time and everybody thought I was so together and organized! I felt like such a fraud.
Out of desperation, I knew I had to do something and started applying my analytical skills to my home situation. I seemed to be good at maintaining my paperwork and meeting deadlines, so I studied my success in that area and tried to apply similar strategies to the areas where I hadn't been so successful. The key ingredients of my success with paperwork were these three things: 1) I had a place for my paperwork; 2) I regularly purged papers I no longer needed; 3) I regularly attended to my paperwork every couple of weeks when I paid bills or there were other deadlines coming up.
I started trying to find homes for all my possessions. I started decluttering and I started creating routines to get the housework done. I never did learn to like it, but I figured out ways to make it tolerable, such as listening to the radio or taping my favorite guilty pleasure tv shows and having them on while I did the work. It also became a lot easier once the house was decluttered.
I also started reading any organizing book I could get my hands on, and Julie Morgenstern's Organizing From the Inside Out had a huge impact on me. It validated much of what I was discovering and I realized that I actually had very good organizing skills, but I had never applied them to my home.
I was very lucky to not have extra emotional baggage. I have always had a supportive family. I don't have hoarding tendencies or OCD. I don't get sentimentally attached to things. But I am very conscious that any one of those things would have tipped the scale and made it nearly impossible for me to work my way out of the despair that I was feeling about the state of my house. I feel incredibly lucky and I have nothing but compassion for those whose fortunes haven't been as good as mine.
-neverstoplearning
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Post by eatingbonbons on May 24, 2008 15:27:19 GMT -5
NSL, thanks for posting "the rest of your story" and sharing how you came out of clutter. It is a wonderful success story. I have functioned in an organized manner for most of my life but have just really lost it in the last few years. I'm intrigued by the prospect of professional organizing because I think that I would respond well to a coaching type situation. I have looked for a professional in my area but haven't been able to locate one. In the year or so that I've been at SS, my home has gotten worse, not better. Sometimes I think I'll never get back to normal, but I'm not ready to give up hope.
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Post by Meme on Mar 29, 2009 23:20:04 GMT -5
wow- says to myself---
"""you are going to make it;; and then you can step up to the plate and help someone else--you will not always be threading water- you are going to swim too-"""
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Post by def6 on Mar 30, 2009 8:32:07 GMT -5
All I have to say is cudos to you for applying your "office" talent to your home and your family. And also I love your screenname, I strive to keep an open mind everyday and to keep learning.
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Post by creativechaos on Mar 30, 2009 12:57:20 GMT -5
i'm so glad this thread resurfaced because i posed the question and then never got to back to read your story, neverstoplearning! thank you for sharing that with us, as an example of how squalor happens that is very real and that i feel a lot of commonality with, even with no kids or husband and being a hoarder on top of that.
i love how you thought your way out of squalor. thinking seems to be key here. with hoarding, i have to challenge my thoughts every day, and many days, i fail, and have to will myself to try again. but i think you really hit it by saying that high visual tolerance, and lack of skills and habits of how to keep up a home, and added clutter and possessions led to squalor.
there is much food for thought here, and many good ideas. may i pm you sometime with more questions, nsl? (unless it does not violate the board policy for me to do it here and for you to answer here. i will try to find out from the mods about that.)
i, too, want to help others if i ever get to the other side of this.
cc
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