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Post by celticlaugh on Jul 27, 2009 10:40:13 GMT -5
I am new at this only been here for a few days but thanks to all of the encouragement and safety I feel here I am willing to share a bit of how I am getting started. I sat down on Saturday morning and felt really depressed surveying the mess. I wanted to cry and felt paralyzed to do anything it just seems overwhelming. I hurt my foot and couldn't even walk to make a start if I wanted to. So I took out paper and pen and decided to write down my beleifs about the mess and boy was that interesting. I don't have it with me so I can't remember all of them but the most dramatic one for me was the feeling that it wasn't my mess and why should I have to clean it up!!!! This really surprised me so I was wondering if anyone else had ever felt this way. Of course it is mine yes some is from the pets and my daughter but really the majority of it is mine. I guess this is what one would call denial. At any rate writing helped me feel lighter and on Sunday when my foot was better I completed one task which was to pick up and deal with all clothing. This was accomplished more quickly than I imagined and it made such a difference. It motivated me to do a few other things as well and this morning I was excited to see a clean floor in our living room.
My goal for today is to do the 2 minute exercise during comercials tonight while I watch TV I am going through all the stuff on the coffee table and sorting and purging. I will challenge my daughter to see who can get rid of the most stuff during the commercials. I usually don't do any cleaning on week nights so this will be interesting to try. Anyway thanks to all of you for being here and sharing.
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Post by messymimi on Jul 27, 2009 11:27:38 GMT -5
Isn't it amazing what happens when we confront our beliefs, and that includes beliefs about anything.
I tend to believe that someday I am going to have a huge block of time with which to deal with everything perfectly. That would only happen if my whole family cleared out for a 3 month or more vacation and took all the animals with them Even then, I would probably piddle around and only get half done.
That's why I make myself do small projects in small bits of time. It is helping, albeit slowly.
messymimi
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Post by WestsideStory on Jul 27, 2009 12:19:16 GMT -5
awesome insights. I just got back from vacation. When I was away I was planning to come back and roll up my sleeves and dig in and tackle this mess. Now that I'm home I've fallen back into that overwhelmed, depressed, don't know where to start state. Thank you so much for the thoughts about journaling. And welcome to SOS!
WestsideStory
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Post by threeg on Jul 27, 2009 17:00:57 GMT -5
Welcome to SOOS! Here's my beliefs: I have come to the realization that for most of my life, my stuff has held me back. My stuff meant way too much to me. After all, it's STUFF! It held me back from having a normal life. (Entertaining, ect.) It held my son back from normalcy also. Few friends were allowed to visit or stay over. It held me back as a child for the same reasons. It still holds me back, as I haven't completely conquored it yet. It took me ten YEARS to toss a ripped up old paisley top! (BUT, I did it recently!) There's many more reasons too.  3g |
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placemat
New Member
Joined: June 2008
Posts: 17
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Post by placemat on Jul 27, 2009 20:48:13 GMT -5
Interesting post and insight, celticlaugh. My bf and I are in the process of moving several hundred miles away so we're trashing/donating our stuff as part of the packing process. We've had so many grumpy little arguments about the mess because we're both stressed and I just noticed today that I was mad because I thought he should be taking care of his share of the stuff... then I looked over at the pile I was whining about, in a moment of clarity, and saw that it was at least 3/4 my stuff that he wouldn't know what to do with anyway.  We're not crazy or stupid so I wonder why we'd feel so dissociated from our stuff that we say it's not our mess? For me, it's partially because I'm so busy with moving that I want to disown my possessions right now; however, that doesn't explain why I would subconsciously assume that my bf should be dealing with them instead of me. It probably has to do with being overwhelmed in general and wanting more support in other areas as well or feeling unappreciated or a million other things unrelated to objects. I've been very busy organizing the move so to be asked by the universe to magically clean out our apt in a few days on top of it is kind of the last straw for my grown-up-efficient-calm. Congrats on your clean floor too by the way. They are relaxing! I'm glad the writing made you feel lighter.  |
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MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611 
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Post by MiSC on Jul 27, 2009 22:55:01 GMT -5
anthropomorphism (an-thruh-puh-mawr-fiz-uhm) :
The attributing of human characteristics and purposes to inanimate objects, animals, plants, or other natural phenomena, or to God. To describe a rushing river as “angry” is to anthropomorphize it.
I do that with a few things. By SOS standards I'm not much of a hoarder though, so it's not a huge problem for me. I just thought I'd throw that word in and see if it stuck to anyone.
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Post by disarray on Jul 27, 2009 23:12:45 GMT -5
My belief is that I need everything I have.  Playing games with your daughter in order to clean up the coffee table is a great way to go about it! Why not make cleaning fun? |
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Post by gettingsomewhere on Jul 28, 2009 3:10:48 GMT -5
great progress being made here! well done everyone, and thanks for helping some of us look at this in a new light celticlaugh
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Jul 28, 2009 10:10:52 GMT -5
My beliefs are:
Since it's my DH's house, I shouldn't have to take the lead in desqualoring.
Since I have to squelch my own neuroses, I shouldn't have to finnesse around his (I have discussed this with my counselor, who believes I'm actually on the right path here. DH is cooperating without much struggling.)
If I have clutter left over from "unfinished business," I'm a failure if I discard it before I "finish."
After my house is clean enough to welcome people over anytime, we still won't make any friends, because we're inherently unlikeable (working on this with counselor, too.)
My squalor (primarily disorganization & sentimental hoarding, exacerbated by DH's disorganization and "useful" hoarding) are character flaws, axiomatic to my personality, and thus immutable. Any desqualoring is just "swimming upstream against my nature."
Anyone who accepts us doesn't know us well enough.
Interesting that the beliefs grew more primitive as I typed.
FYI: the psychiatric term for such beliefs is "cognitive biases." I gained considerable insight just by reading the wikipedia page on them. Much easier to let go of some of them now.
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Jul 28, 2009 10:25:08 GMT -5
Edited to delete an accidental duplicate posting. I have more "disorganizational skills" than organizational skills.
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Post by notanymore on Jul 28, 2009 18:46:37 GMT -5
Anyone who accepts us doesn't know us well enough. This is one of mine in general. Also believing that something is wrong with the other person or they're not being honest if they say they don't care about the mess. |
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Post by crazycatlady on Jul 31, 2009 22:48:29 GMT -5
I had a lot of behaviors that I thought were "normal". It took gentle pressure from friends here on the forum, and in chat, and some feedback from people at home to help me begin to overcome.
One example that comes to mind is a little machine that pulls the hair on the legs out by the roots, to be used instead of shaving. I actually used it for a few weeks over a decade ago, and found that it was painful to use. It also left lots of little baby hairs, so my legs still looked rather fuzzy.
Whenever I came across that item in my bathroom closet, I thought "yes, I would totally buy that again, so I should keep it", and "I have plenty of space for that, so I will keep it". With lots of help, I realized that in reality "I will never use this again, so I should never buy it again", and that "all space is precious" and that having free space is better than having useless stuff.
It sounds minor, but that scenario played out over and over and over. I just had no ability to see stuff as useless, and instead saw it as valuable, or with "potential".
Great work, CelticLaugh. You have made a lovely start. Good on the rest of you who are making progress in your minds and homes. 
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Post by Meme on Jul 31, 2009 23:22:36 GMT -5
yes- I have some of those normal behaviors too((wink)-- and talking to myself does help- sorted a box today and kept this one thingie-( not sure how to describe it) but it was dirty but I can clean it.  ..........went back up stairs later and said- you will not use it because it is dirty and when will the time come to clean and then how clean will it be and I reached in- took that thing out and it is in the garbage-- I now sort through twice but only the stuff I keep to see if I can change my mind-- one thing that I stay solid on is that once in the garbage, always in the garbage. when I double sort I always find a few more things that I can let go.........now instead of later. |
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