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Post by christineincali on Aug 1, 2009 13:48:12 GMT -5
Hi All! I haven't posted on this new board yet, but used to post on the old board in Listzilla a bit a few years ago.
A bit about me. I grew up in squalor (levels 2-4, more often a 4 than not) I continued my own squalor well into my adult years until I found Flylady and the Squalor Survivors site (and now this site!) and have slowly "babystepped" my way out of it a bit, with a few notable relapses.
My absolute bottom point came a year and a half ago. I was living with an alcoholic, abusive husband, in a tiny house, my thirteen year old daughter and 11 year old son still had to share a bedroom. It was a wreck, my husband did nothing to help around the house. It was a consistent level 3.
A domestic violence situation brought an abrupt end to my marriage, (I was ashamed to have the police officers into my house, even as they were arresting my husband, who had just become physically violent with me in the presence of my children... weird how my mind went to my clutter at that point!)
After my husband was gone, I had to move and I swallowed every last ounce of my pride and asked my two dearest friends for help in dealing with the moving/packing/dump runs/yard sale. If it were not for these two amazing gentlemen, I have no doubt I'd still be sitting there in my mess, weeping.
Flash forward to a year and a half later. I have a new man in my life a sweet little house that I adore, my kids have their own rooms and we are settled delightedly into a new life. Changed in nearly every way.
I do have a garage that is full, and moderately cluttered but not squalorous. The rest of my house is at a level 0-1 all the time.
I recently had a friend come over and visit and he said to me "Your house always looks like the cleaners just left"
You could have knocked me over with a feather. I smiled and said "thank you" but inside I thought "Boy, Do I have you fooled!"
I also have a bit of a panic attack any time the doorbell rings, even though I know my house is presentable. It's very strange. I guess my squalor "mindset" is still there and that's one of the reasons I keep coming back here. I fear that there's that part of me that can relapse at any time, rather like an alcoholic.
I understand what Flylady says about some of us becoming messies because of our perfectionism. I definitely think I have those tendencies. I'm just always aware of my possibility of backsliding.
Right now I just keep on keepin' on and hope that these feelings will gradually subside. I don't think I'm looking for any particular advice, just rambling a bit and ruminating upon my experience.
And now I think I'll go put some clothes on the clothesline, since I have a breezy sunny day to do so.
-Christine
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Aug 1, 2009 13:53:07 GMT -5
The tidiness is still new to you, so your reactions don't surprise me a bit. It will probable take a few years to adjust your self-concept.
When you work on the garage, be prepared to feel as though you've had a big setback. I was surprised at how much I felt like a failure when I closed my storage locker and brought the possessions home to sort. Had to keep reminding myself that this was a step FORWARD.
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Post by shopgirl on Aug 1, 2009 15:41:29 GMT -5
You're not a fake! The work you've done to improve your life is REAL. Backsliding is always a possibility, I've found myself in a backslide after 2 years of tidiness. The difference is that now, you can recognize when a backslide is beginning-- and nip it in the bud before it becomes overwhelming. Your new house sounds wonderful. Don't be discouraged about the messy garage. Take it one box at a time out there. Congratulations on decluttering your life - purging yourself of that abusive ex-husband was the most important thing you did for yourself and the kiddos.  |
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Post by Script on Aug 1, 2009 16:51:36 GMT -5
I also have a bit of a panic attack any time the doorbell rings, even though I know my house is presentable. It's very strange. I guess my squalor "mindset" is still there and that's one of the reasons I keep coming back here. I fear that there's that part of me that can relapse at any time, rather like an alcoholic. I believe that some long-time member (Margaret?) used to talk about Ghost Squalor: the memories of past problems that are still very much present in the shape of fear. I know that I am very aware of the relapse button: which might get pushed in times of stress, illness, depression, grief. I try EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY DAY to keep moving forward. your new life sounds great: congratulations and good wishes. |
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Post by Little_Ninja on Aug 1, 2009 17:14:17 GMT -5
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Aug 1, 2009 17:44:28 GMT -5
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Post by yearning4order on Aug 2, 2009 2:03:23 GMT -5
Wow so glad to see this thread--I'm just starting my journey here, but this gives me so much hope!
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Post by Meme on Aug 2, 2009 2:08:08 GMT -5
hugs- you wrote what I carry in my heart about me and I am looking for ways and working on ways to let the my squalor mindset go--- I think your letter was very open and honest and no dear-- we are not fakes- we just some back log thinking --------hugs
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Post by serenitynow on Aug 2, 2009 7:03:21 GMT -5
<<<christineincali>>> Thank you so much for posting. As you can see, a lot of people have read it! What a good role model you've become for your children...not to mention us...not to mention YOURSELF!! serenitynow childless  but with an alcoholic so I can completely empathize |
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Post by skatters on Aug 2, 2009 12:55:15 GMT -5
You are far from a fake! You have omuch to be proud of! Thanks for sharing!
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