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Post by grungygeorgie on Aug 2, 2009 23:15:34 GMT -5
3 years ago,my sister-in-law who is a "meanie-cleanie",insisted that
I take her old double oven.She had just gotten a new one & we were
in the "thinking"stage of renovating our kitchen.I have always felt
judged by her concerning cleanliness,weight,the whole enchilada.
She is very aggressive & competes in semi-pro tennis.I am laid
back and like solo pursuits.When she wants to "get rid " of something
she will badger you until you give in and take it.Gah!
Long story short,never needed the oven,nor have I ever parked my
car in the garage.I have about a days left of decluttering & Iwill
have a parking place.EXCEPT for the bloody oven,which I was bullied
into taking. I called the local junk guy who "says"he will take it this
week & sell it for scrap.We shall see.Very slow on promises.
He then proceeded to tellme about his lady friend who is a
hoarder and how her 1st husband divorced her because of her
collecting/hoarding ways.She has run out of room @ her house
and now is starting to fill up his garage.What he described,
wouldn't horrify any of us.The typical scene,goat paths,can't
sleep on her bed.She likes side of the road freebies (who doesn't?)
and foraged for aluminum cans,is way into recycling.Her car is
also a storage container on wheels.At least he knows she will
never change & hiring a dumpster won't help in the end.Iknow
this woman,she has a good heart & is a dedicated grandma.She
lives right around the bend from me.People are mean to her
because of the condition of her car/house & self (she is heavy).
I look at her and think "there I am" in a few years,if I don't
get my act together!I wish I could help her,but a it's a it of the of the blind
leading the blind,eh?Just wanted to share, been thinking about
this all day.Thanks for your help & support.4 garbage bags
filled today!SCORE!Nighty-night.gg
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Post by echo on Aug 3, 2009 0:41:58 GMT -5
Sounds like you are describing me
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Post by disarray on Aug 3, 2009 1:17:55 GMT -5
You have a like-minded person who lives right around the bend from you? Maybe you two could help each other? It wouldn't be the blind leading the blind really. It'd be more like two people who understood each other helping each other out.
Is it weird that I actually like meeting other hoarders in real life? I know on a site like this we're all here together and that's reassuring, but it's rare that I meet someone in real life that clutters like I do. I once saw a car parked at Wal-Mart that had stuff/garbage piled up to the windowsills. You couldn't sit anywhere in that car except the driver's seat. Seeing that gave me a warm feeling inside because it meant I wasn't alone in the world.
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Post by gettingsomewhere on Aug 3, 2009 1:25:09 GMT -5
i am with you disarray in the comfort of knowing there are others out there with similar issues, but it is one thing to spot a car or steal a glimpse into a room that is cluttered, and an entirely different thing to approach someone and say, "i am like you". i simply have no idea how you would start this whole conversation, or maybe even why you would want to. i don't mean to be harsh here, and i woud very happily help anyone here who asked, but i'm just not sure about putting myself out there to offer unless you are absolutely sure she is looking for asistance.
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Post by serenitynow on Aug 3, 2009 7:44:19 GMT -5
. I once saw a car parked at Wal-Mart that had stuff/garbage piled up to the windowsills. You couldn't sit anywhere in that car except the driver's seat. Seeing that gave me a warm feeling inside because it meant I wasn't alone in the world. [/quote]
That's interesting disarray.. when I see that I feel very sad.
I agree with gsw that you have to be careful about approaching others. I learned that lesson awhile back when I saw someone in a bookstore reading a book about a specific kind of abuse. I (helpfully) told her about a great group that meets in that area. She was mortified and couldn't get away from me fast enough. In hindsight I see now that it was a terrible boundary invasion on my part.
P.S. not beating up on you <<<disarray>>>
serenity now
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Post by serenitynow on Aug 3, 2009 7:52:10 GMT -5
Hi grungy,
I'd be a little concerned about opening my home to that gossipy man. Is there any other way to get rid of the oven? Freecycle maybe? Putting on curb with "free to good home" sign?
The older I get, the more I'm aware of trying to keep negative people away from my orbit.
Loved your post on staycation BTW!
s.n.
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Post by disarray on Aug 3, 2009 11:28:14 GMT -5
Maybe I should have felt sad for the person with the messy car but I didn't.  I felt happy that I wasn't alone. It may have been the inappropriate emotion, but that's honestly how I felt.  Yeah, I agree with you two, approaching another person who clutters would be difficult. I didn't really think about that part of it while I was responding. I was thinking of it as a happy fairy tale, "Oh you could go over to her house and help her, and then she could come to your house and help you, and there wouldn't be any shame because you're in this together!" As for approaching, the only non-offensive way I can think of doing it would be to casually mention your problem and how you wish someone could help you. For instance, if you met her at a yard sale and then you casually started talking about how you just buy more and more stuff, but you can't seem to get rid of anything. And from that you could see how responsive she is to admitting she does the same thing. If she closes up and runs away then clearly she doesn't want help, but if a dialog opened then maybe you'd have somewhere to start from. Of course, the fairy tale scenarios I map out in my head may not be all that realistic.  |
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Post by serenitynow on Aug 3, 2009 14:59:44 GMT -5
Oh Disarray  I didn't mean to come across as judgmental. I meant that it was interesting how different people can see the same thing differently.. Take Care, serenitynow |
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Post by grungygeorgie on Aug 3, 2009 15:35:35 GMT -5
I wouldn't ever dream of asking **** if she wanted help,because
I think she is happy as a clam living the way she does.She is joyous
in her junking pursuits.You have to love that.I doesn't make her
miserable or full of self loathing like it does I.Is that proper English?
Oh well,you get the point.As for her "fella" he was a friend of my
Dad's and was just blowin off steam,his house/property isn't
Buckingham Palace either!
I too,love spying a hoarders car in a parking lot.Even though I no
longer want to live in squalor,I think hoarders and collectors are
some of the most interesting & smartest folks I know.gg
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Post by Meme on Aug 3, 2009 17:23:38 GMT -5
It is difficult for us when we see someone else walking the way we did and we often want to share but very often they are content to be where they are----it is just that have moved on.....
Here is I saw a car like that I would assume the folks were homeless and that was all they owned---which is often the case.
I have learned that in the end that I cannot save anyone else but my heart was in the right place.
And so is yours, my friend.
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hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815 
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Post by hopehope on Aug 3, 2009 17:56:13 GMT -5
can I suggest --? as someone with these issues, it might be allright if I say? --
I would work on having fortress walls against this garbage foisting sister-in-law.
think -- castle, crenellated tops, iron drawbridge.
I would write out for myself three or five absolute statements of no. and post them. and when she got in with this stuff -- i'd pull one out. and not entertain the conversation further.
"NO. I'm quite certain. I will not change my mind. Now I am talking about something else."
maybe this seems impossible.
I have had to work on this boundary thing, and being -- at least sometimes -- able to do this sort of thing has been a godsend, for me.
best -- hh
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