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Post by messyang on Aug 18, 2009 22:06:09 GMT -5
Can anyone tell me why the "L" word is discouraged on this board? I know I read it somewhere.
I mean, what if I really am just la*y? I do suffer from depression , but I drag myself out of bed and go to work each day, so why can't I drag myself off the couch and clean on some days? I know I am a good person inside, but what if I really am a nasty , disgusting person too? One time a roach crawled out of my purse in the office of my eye doctor. I was horrified as he shrieked at the nurse to call an exteriminator. (Thank goodness he didn't see where the roach came from, but I did.)
What if I really am a terrible mother, who was too la*y to fold the laundry, and the cat peed in the basket, and I didn't notice it until I went to work with clothing that reeked? I wondered all day if my children stunk too.
What IS wrong with me? Why can I sit on this computer and type to my friends here, but can't get off this computer seat and do the dishes, or clean up the layer of dirty clothes on my bathroom floor?
I do have self esteem issues and depression, but overall, what if I really am the "L" word? How do I get myself together?
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Post by gottaproblem on Aug 18, 2009 22:39:17 GMT -5
You feel safe here on the computer, that does not make you the l word. I think someone here is always saying that motivation follows action or something like that. When you start a little thing, like pick up the stuff that is around you when you are laying on the couch, A small step by it will give you a feeling of getting something done. Hide the clothes basket in a room the cat cannot get to, I had to do that when I had a cat that would pee on everything. It doesn't make you a horrible mother. I think you are very brave to admit the problem. The people here are so supportive.  |
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Post by success19 on Aug 19, 2009 0:38:34 GMT -5
messyang - I also spend way to much time in useless time consuming tasks online and tv watching. i now live alone - so I do maintain clean clothes for work and keeping myself clean for work - and that is about all I can manage. when I was raising my dd (and I only had 1) it took sooo much time - I don't know how moms with lots of kids and pets do it at all. I bet you come here for some grown up conversation - like me. I mean cleaning and organizing and tossing is boring!!
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Post by moggyfan on Aug 19, 2009 1:31:30 GMT -5
You know what? It's just a word. I know I am definitely l-word sometimes. Don't give it too much power.
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Aug 19, 2009 1:43:45 GMT -5
Can anyone tell me why the "L" word is discouraged on this board? I know I read it somewhere. I attempted to explain it ... in two different posts within this thread: takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/thread/6560In addition to what I said on that thread .... I would further clarify that words like "avoidant" or "resistant" or "scared" or "overwhelmed" or "depressed" or "frustrated" or "angry" or "afraid of the tedium" or "timid" or "tired" or "lethargic" or "stubborn" or "paralyzed" or "stuck" are more accurate ways of saying what's going on with our feelings. L*a*z*y is a "label" -- a label that usually is said as an insult. And we don't want to be insulting ourselves. --
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Post by Meme on Aug 19, 2009 1:51:50 GMT -5
personally I think it is just a word to state how we are at times- I am sometimes l*** because I want to be- I do not think it is label for me-as it is not something I practise every day. I am trying to rethink that but I think I am intitled to be l**** if I choose= it is to be verb that often explains me and a lot of the other words listed are adverbs but as this board chooses to classify it as a label I will here too but I am agreeing to disagree-  |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Aug 19, 2009 2:00:10 GMT -5
I mean, what if I really am just la*y? I do suffer from depression , but I drag myself out of bed and go to work each day, so why can't I drag myself off the couch and clean on some days? I know I am a good person inside, but what if I really am a nasty , disgusting person too? One time a roach crawled out of my purse in the office of my eye doctor. I was horrified as he shrieked at the nurse to call an exteriminator. (Thank goodness he didn't see where the roach came from, but I did.)
What if I really am a terrible mother, who was too la*y to fold the laundry, and the cat peed in the basket, and I didn't notice it until I went to work with clothing that reeked? I wondered all day if my children stunk too.
What IS wrong with me? Why can I sit on this computer and type to my friends here, but can't get off this computer seat and do the dishes, or clean up the layer of dirty clothes on my bathroom floor?
I do have self esteem issues and depression, but overall, what if I really am the "L" word? How do I get myself together? Ang, I'm similar to you in that my home is a complete mess. And here I sit. I struggle with this constantly. I've been able to desqualor and maintain for a few months at a time, but then I fall back into squalor. Chaos all around me, and here I sit. For me, it's some sort of fear-based thing. Fear of doing the work. Fear of having to maintain. There's also a feeling of dread that it will be too hard to desqualor. A feeling of dread about the tinyest tasks. Stubbornness. Refusal. I'm unwilling to clean for some of those reasons. But I don't think I'm L@zy. But it goes even deeper than that ... and I'm working with my 12-Step sponsor on it. BUT ... I am NOT layzi-ness. That isn't who I am. I appear to act that way. But my behavior isn't my identity. Check out Eris' post: "The state of your home is not a metaphor for your inner psyche" takeonestepatatime.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=6560- |
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Post by gifted on Aug 19, 2009 6:49:52 GMT -5
Ang,
Being "l@zy" doesn't explain why you washed the laundry in the first place. (Even if you didn't get it put away.)
Being a terrible mother doesn't explain why YOU wore clothes that the cat peed on. (By the way, I wore a jacket like this for months, before I realized that it smelled.)
So these statements are simply untrue.
And just using the word about yourself is PROOF of a low self-esteem, rather than "L."
A truly l@zy person would likely feel contentment, and not understand why other people of her as "L." It is like the saying, "If you are worried that you might be crazy, you have nothing to worry about."
SG
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Post by puppybox on Aug 19, 2009 16:08:48 GMT -5
1)well, lets say you ARE just a LAYZEE, DIRTY, BAD MOTHER. You're at this website, which means you are interested in changing. You are trying to work out a plan to change. It can be done- people quit smoking, quit drinking, stop all sorts of bad habits, behaviours and addictions. So you are AT WORST a RECOVERING laysee dirty girl. you can use this website to help you like AA helps alcoholics. Would you tell someone thinking about quitting their addictive, family destroying drinking and going to their 1st AA meeting "Nah, forget it, you're just a LAYZEE, SMELLY ALCOHOLIC BUM"? I doubt it. so why treat yourself that way? tell yourself: I have a problem. I will find a way to change. I will go one step at a time.
2) you're not really layzee or a bad mother though. You really need the book by Dr David Burns,
"feeling good". its title is cheesy, for sure, but its a real and powerful scientific method of helping people called cognitive behavioural therapy. It helps people get over their emotional problems that hold them back. Please don't be insulted by my saying "emotional problem", I don't describe this book well but I highly reccomend you read it. I'm sure its at the library. He has a whole chapter where he shows how he proved to someone she wasn't a bad mother.
3)what is the purpose of labeling things? to define them. If you define yoursself as layzee/bad mother, how is that going to help, at all? and If its not going to help, then why do it? Does SHAME really motivate people to change? no! Why not label yourself soemthing good, and try to live up to it. you may fail to live up to "mother of the year" but it won't hurt to try.
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MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611 
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Post by MiSC on Aug 19, 2009 18:00:02 GMT -5
Do you think you know how to do all the things that need to be done?
A pdoc said to me, "If you could make things better, you would make things better." I think I've finally given myself permission to believe that.
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Aug 20, 2009 11:40:35 GMT -5
Our bodies really haven't changed much since our caveman days, so I want to point out that laaayziness is hardwired into us. When we were all fighting to survive, we had to be forced to stop and rest, so our bodies and minds could heal.
Now that most of us don't have to be hunters and gatherers anymore, we still have these needs and behaviors. Oftentimes, they become maladaptive, turning into compulsive acquiring, hoarding, and laaaayziness.
I'm not trying to make excuses, just explanations.
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Post by breakingfree on Aug 20, 2009 12:32:39 GMT -5
Wikipedia defines "layzee" as "the lack of desire to expend effort." I admit that this has described me on way more than one occasion. When I lay on the couch watching "Hell's Kitchen" instead of cleaning the kitchen, I do not have the desire to expend the effort to clean the kitchen. I'd rather watch TV. I am being layzee. And if someone else were to call me layzee, he or she would be right. Why is it so bad to call a spade a spade? Calling a garbage man a "Sanitation Engineer" still makes him a...garbage man.
To me, this site is about overcoming squalor. It does no one any good to sugar-coat anything. It is what it is. I am what I am, and it is up to US to change ourselves.
Just my two-cents.
BF
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Post by gifted on Aug 20, 2009 15:16:42 GMT -5
Wikipedia defines "layzee" as "the lack of desire to expend effort." I admit that this has described me on way more than one occasion. When I lay on the couch watching "Hell's Kitchen" instead of cleaning the kitchen, I do not have the desire to expend the effort to clean the kitchen. I'd rather watch TV. I am being layzee. And if someone else were to call me layzee, he or she would be right. Why is it so bad to call a spade a spade? Calling a garbage man a "Sanitation Engineer" still makes him a...garbage man. To me, this site is about overcoming squalor. It does no one any good to sugar-coat anything. It is what it is. I am what I am, and it is up to US to change ourselves. Just my two-cents. BF So the problem comes in when other people have called up "just layzy" for many years. But what if in your example, you had an untreated broken leg?" Calling yourself "layzee" and struggling to the kitchen MAY eventually get the kitchen clean, but at a great price. Anyone here has made the effort to be here. So "layzy" is simply untrue. SG |
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Post by breakingfree on Aug 21, 2009 8:43:00 GMT -5
If you read the definition of "layzee" it says "the LACK OF DESIRE to expend effort." If one has a broken leg or other health issues, that in itself answers your question. It isn't that the person doesn't deesire to expend the effort--the person simply cannot. Also, I am not saying to dwell on the past (i.e. having been layzee before), but to deny that people can be layzee or that a person may "earn" the layzee label at times is simply not realistic and in my humble opinion, actually can hinder the progress a person can make toward desqualoring.
BF
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Aug 21, 2009 12:40:58 GMT -5
Some people use the term laayze as in "I was laayze for a couple of hours, watching TV when I needed to do chores," while others think of "laayze" only in a more permanent and judgmental sense, as in "I am a laayze person."
In Spanish, they have two different versions of the "to be" verb--the difference between "I am sick" and "I am a sick person." English simply doesn't have this distinction.
For me, when I'm watching anything with Gordon Ramsey, I could be: engaging in task avoidance, studying the themes of transformation and redemption, learning how to initiate and tolerate conflict better, or simply waiting for that scene in "Kitchen Nightmares" when he takes off his shirt!
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