jennmommi
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Joined: September 2009
Posts: 91
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Post by jennmommi on Nov 10, 2009 16:15:31 GMT -5
I am feeling depressed and overwhelmed, like a failure, and a nasty, filthy person. I honestly don't know how to do this on my own, or who to ask for help. I have bed wetters and I have tried everything I can think of but the truth is I need to rip out the carpet in their room and replace their mattresses to get rid of the urine smell. I have used different shampooers, cleaners, febreeze, baking soda, and natures miracle (not all at once mind you but on different occasions) trying to experiment and find what works, and it STILL smells like urine when I walk into their room. Probably because they pee in their bed or on the floor every single night.
I know that I would need a few days off of work, and some major help to get this done. I feel bad because I know there are others whose situation is way worse than mine, but I can't help but feel helpless and hopeless.
I have a few personal days I can take off of work, but I don't really know anyone who can help me either besides DH who wants to complain about the mess but not do much to fix it, and my sister, who offered to help me, but every time I ask for help she has an excuse as to why she can't come over, her back hurts, she has a headache, she has homework, she is spending time with her boyfriend (who practically lives with her). She is only 20 and very immature, flaky if you will. Her house is almost as bad as mine anyway, so I am not sure how she can/would help that much.
Every time I do something it is one step forward and 10 steps back.
Nothing stays clean for 24 hours. or even 4 hours in some rooms.
I have a professional cleaning person who can come for a reasonable price, to help with maintenance, but I have to get to that point first. I am convinced I will NEVER get to that point.
I throw things out for DH to take to dump and they sit in the yard and never get taken. I know the property management people will eventually say something, it is only a matter of when.
I own my trailer but rent the land from a park. There are messier properties than mine, but eventually it will get noticed.
I need to get it presentable because my heat is not working and I think I need the gas company to come light the pilot in my furnace. I have done it myself before, but it is nerve racking, so I would feel better if someone who knew what they were doing came out to do it.
I know I am ranting, but I can't handle this anymore, I want to come home to a sanctuary, not a dump. I am tired of this. I am crying right now, at work of all places, because I can't do this anymore.
I am at the point where all I want to do is move out with a suitcase of possessions and tell DH to deal with the rest of it.
I don't live anywhere that there are professional organizers or people who deal with squalor, so that is not an option. I have done searches and can not find them. I can rent a dumpster from a construction company, and they haul it away for you, but I can't afford the approx. $300 that would cost me.
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Post by breakingfree on Nov 10, 2009 16:51:21 GMT -5
Oh, jenn, I am so sorry! I am sending you hugs and good vibes right now.
You are NOT a nasty person. My goodness, you are trying to do so much by yourself. Please do not feel that this IS you. It IS NOT.
Do you think there would be any way to rent a dumpster and pay for it in increments or something? Just trying to think of something that would help and will write back if I think of anything else.
More Hugs,
BF
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Post by zinnia on Nov 10, 2009 16:56:00 GMT -5
Hugs to you. Maybe your kids need to wear disposable underwear at night? Maybe a member here is in your area and can help you a little? Hang in there.  Have a cup of coffee/tea while you figure out what to do. |
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jennmommi
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Joined: September 2009
Posts: 91
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Post by jennmommi on Nov 10, 2009 17:01:18 GMT -5
Yes, I am going to buy some pull ups to make them start wearing them again, my husband doesn't want to but he is not the one having to clean it up, I am so I will make that decision unless he is willing to let the chore change over to his responsibility.
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Post by Chrysoprase on Nov 10, 2009 17:04:02 GMT -5
You're not a nasty filthy person. I'm so sorry you feel overwhelmed, though it's no wonder with everything you have to deal with.  There's others on these forums who've got some knowledge of cleaners that can remove the urine smells who I'm sure will offer their advice. I think there was mention of enzyme cleaners or something. If you can afford it then ripping out the carpets and replacing them with other flooring sounds like a really good idea of dealing with some of the problem. If not then there is still ways to clean the carpet. Again it's not something I know too much about but I'm sure there's others that can offer specific advice on how to tackle urine smells. Can you use those plastic sheets that go under sheets on the beds? That should at least save the mattresses once you get them cleaned. I'm sorry that you don't have help and are feeling so alone on this. Is there a way you could get a cleaning person to assist you with the cleaning of your house? Or do you not feel comfortable letting them in whilst it's messy? |
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lostnjunk
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Joined: September 2009
Posts: 92
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Post by lostnjunk on Nov 10, 2009 17:14:53 GMT -5
Am I remembering right in your organizing thread that your kids are 7 and 5? Have you taken them to the doctor to see why they are still wetting the bed? My daughters oldest boy did that for a long time too and they finally got him a sheet protector pad that somehow let him know when it got wet so he would get up and go to the bathroom. He didnt like having to wake up from a sound sleep to go in the middle of the night but it did eventually work for him. Also see if you can keep them from drinking after a certain hour in the evening and make sure to go to the bathroom before bedtime. You might find other answers by googling this problem. I hope this helps some. My younger brother also wet the bed for many years. I guess he finally outgrew it but I know it bothered him a lot as he was getting older and realizing it shouldnt be happening anymore. My mother never took him to the doctor to see if there was anything that could be done about it. Sometimes there are organic reasons as to why children are still wetting the bed and its good to get those ruled out. I can understand why you would feel so frustrated in making any progress when you have these type of problems. I hope you are able to get some of them resolved so you can have some peace of mind.
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Post by motivatedmama on Nov 10, 2009 17:20:22 GMT -5
My oldest had an issue with this until 4th grade. He tried temporary meds for like a month when going away to a camp thing and it never came back. Maybe that or something else is possible? I also agree as to getting it medically checked out. Pull-ups were a MUST in our house. If it can't be prevented then why let the kids have to deal with the demoralizing situation of soaking themselves and you with the pain of the mess to deal with. I don't see why your husband would have such an issue with it? Do you mind my asking why it is on the floor? Are they trying to make it there and wetting on the way, or is this something purposeful? Hopefully the former and then Pull-ups would help that, too. Good luck with everything!
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Post by charis on Nov 10, 2009 17:32:52 GMT -5
There is no way to clean a repeatedly soaked mattress. Buy the cheapest one you can find to replace it--you should be able to find twin mattresses for 80 or 90 dollars.
If you can't afford a replacement plus a waterproof cover (25 dollars or so for a good one) right away maybe there is someone you could borrow a camp cot from.
As for the floor, if it were me I would rip out the carpet and if I couldnt' replace it with a cheap remnant immediately, I would just have the subfloor show, and maybe get a mat or rug 5 by 7, 30 to 40 dollars are walmart or target to roll over the largest open floor space so children wouldn't get splintered or cold feet .
To haul away mattress and carpet, I would rent the smallest uhaul or ryder truck- they advertise for 19.99 a day plus gas, but it cost us 40 dollars last time we rented one.
That comes out to around 200 dollars, which might be more money than people have sitting around during the holidays, I know.
Hugs to you and your child/children. We know they can't help it and yet it is humiliating for them and so nerve-wracking for us as parents--my son was not potty trained at night until he was almost four, and one of my brothers had occasional bedwetting until he was 8 years old. I had a freind in school whose very cute and talented brother had the problem until he was 13--they had to invent reasons for him not to go to church camp.
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jennmommi
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Joined: September 2009
Posts: 91
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Post by jennmommi on Nov 10, 2009 17:40:39 GMT -5
The 5 year old twins are the ones who wet the bed. We have talked to the DR she says she thinks it is just immature systems since they are so small and were preemies. She said we could try meds but that she would rather wait until they were 7 to see if they still had the problem before going to meds because they are expensive and have side effects.
We limit their drinks, they are allowed to drink nothing after dinner. We have also tried a reward system, punishments, and mattress pads. We have used the zip on pads that cover the entire mattress and they rip them up (see my organizing on a budget thread about my massively destructive kids). My husband is against putting them back in pullups, but I am going to do that anyway. I see no other option.
I need to know how to get the smell out though, I think the carpet is worse than the mattresses. I am going to rent a steam cleaner and give it a go but what can I use on the carpet to get the odor out this time for good? The carpet is a dark blue so it has to be colorfast.
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jennmommi
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Joined: September 2009
Posts: 91
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Post by jennmommi on Nov 10, 2009 17:46:49 GMT -5
"Do you mind my asking why it is on the floor? Are they trying to make it there and wetting on the way, or is this something purposeful? "
It is on the floor because instead of coming to wake us up and telling us that they had an accident, they move to the floor and have another accident. other times they just move their pillow and blankets to the floor to sleep even when the bed is dry. I don't know why they do this, but ever since they moved out of their toddler bed to the twin bed they have done this every so often. They've been in the new beds 2 and 1/2 years now though so you'd think they'd be used to it by now.
They are pretty sound sleepers and sometimes do not even wake up when they have an accident, I think this may be why they have the problem in the first place they are not waking up when they need to go.
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Post by puppybox on Nov 10, 2009 17:52:32 GMT -5
breakingfree wrote:
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"Oh, jenn, I am so sorry! I am sending you hugs and good vibes right now.
You are NOT a nasty person. My goodness, you are trying to do so much by yourself. Please do not feel that this IS you. It IS NOT."
I second this whole heartedly!
you wrote:
"my husband doesn't want to but he is not the one having to clean it up, I am so I will make that decision unless he is willing to let the chore change over to his responsibility. "
wow, its so easy to have thories of child development or discipline or whatever when you don't have to follow through, isn't it? STICK TO YOUR GUNS. If he's not steamcleaning the carpet and washing sheets every day, he gets NO SAY.
I can't come help you but I admire you and think you are doing amazingly with your circumstances.
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Post by shopgirl on Nov 10, 2009 18:16:01 GMT -5
I have no experience or suggestions to offer, but my heart goes out to you, jennmommi.
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Post by HFH on Nov 10, 2009 18:37:53 GMT -5
Hi,
I also have a bedwetter. He wears the largest size diaper because Pullups are way!!! too expensive. His bed, bedding and PJ's always have that urine smell. I have found washing in plain white vinegar takes out the smell.
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Post by wendy on Nov 10, 2009 18:46:06 GMT -5
Dear Jennmommi,
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Please don't get down on yourself!! You have worked so hard, and I'm sorry your husband and family aren't more help!
The other posters have given a lot of good advice on the bedwetting. Honestly, I think there would be little point in doing a big expensive clean-up until this problem is under control by using pull-ups or medication or plastic sheets or a combination of all of the above. Unfortunately, I don't think cleaning the carpet will fix the problem, although it may improve it somewhat. I think you're going to have to get rid of the carpet.
It sounds to me (from this thread and your other current thread) like you need to make an appointment with the pediatrician for YOURSELF. Not only to discuss the bedwetting issue, but the behavioral problems you are facing with the children. Destructiveness should not be tolerated, even in 5 year-olds, and you need to discipline them consistently. They need to know exactly what the consequences will be if they engage in such behavior.
That being said, however, the most important aspect of effective parenting is POSITIVE attention and POSITIVE reinforcement. As a clinical psychologist, I used Parent Effectiveness Training (PET) to help parents with children who had behavioral problems. I also used-- and still use-- the basic concepts with my own children, and believe me, if you apply it consistently, it WORKS. The basic idea is this: children CRAVE parental attention. If they don't get positive attention, they will "act up" and settle for negative attention. The more positive attention you give them, the more they will want to PLEASE you, and the better they will behave. In a nutshell, here's what you do:
1) Praise your children for positive behavior and accomplishments at every opportunity. The praise should be specific, e.g., I really appreciated how you put your blocks away-- you did such a nice job!! Wow, you painted a really beautiful picture-- I really like the colors in the rainbow! You brushed your hair so nicely today-- it really looks great!, etc., etc. At first you will have to consciously think about the need to praise, and sometimes it might seem hard to think of anything to praise, but find SOMETHING-- as often as possible, every hour of every day. Pretty soon it starts to come naturally and becomes a habit.
2) Spend half an hour a day playing with your children. I know what you're going to say-- I don't have TIME to do that. Believe me, it's worth it to MAKE the time-- in the long run, you'll be spending so much less time on hassle and discipline that it will definitely be worth it. During play time, let THEM take the lead, and don't criticize or try to direct things yourself. It's best not to use things like games with rules, but rather, something open-ended like dolls or animals or building toys. While you're playing with them, do the PRAISE thing a lot. "I really like the dress you picked for your doll," or "Oh, you built a great garage for that car," etc.
3) When you need to discipline the children, be firm but KIND. Give very specific, clear instructions. If the child does not comply, gently but firmly repeat the instructions, and tell the child what the consequences will be if they do not comply. "Johnny, I guess you didn't hear me when I asked to to put your cars in the bucket. If you don't put your cars away now, I will take them away for one whole day." "Jane, you know that poking holes in your mattress cover is against the rules. Because you have done this, you will not be allowed to have dessert after dinner." Then, FOLLOW through with the punishment, even though you will hear a lot of whining and complaining." Be sure to be KIND but firm. Never berate the child, ridicule the child, use sarcasm, or call names.
Believe it or not, that's all there is to it. If you try this consistently for a month, you will definitely see such positive results that you will want to keep doing it.
I really hope this helps. You may not be getting much help from your husband and family, but please know that we are all behind you, and WE will help you and support you as much as possible! And please fight the temptation to criticize yourself--- it's very important that you learn to praise YOURSELF, too!
Wishing you all the best,
Wendy
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Post by zen on Nov 10, 2009 21:46:31 GMT -5
Possibly because they are ashamed and don't want to wet the mattress? I was a bed wetter for a very long time as a child, and it was a nightmare. I used to pray every night that I wouldn't wet, and it never worked...I would sneak into the bathroom with a pillow and blanket and sleep inside the bathtub I dreaded wetting so much - at least a blanket and p.j.'s were not as bad as wetting the mattress. I was such a deep sleeper I didn't even know I was doing it. My bedwetting infuriated my parents and I could count on waking up and getting a hard spanking from my step dad if I didn't have a dry night - so then I used to start trying to stay awake all night, just to avoid getting in trouble for something I literally had no control over - I remember feeling desperate as a child, frantic and desperate when bedtime rolled around. If I had the option of wearing potty pants, pull-ups, anything that would have diffused the anger over my childhood lack of control I would have gratefully leapt at that chance. Honestly, my years of bedwetting and the ensuing trauma it caused still makes me feel terrible guilt (and the tears still fill my eyes as I write this) and shame. I would have done anything to stop, believe me I didn't want that kind of attention. I eventually grew out of it, but it took a long time. I say yay for the plastic pull ups  |
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