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Post by onwardandupward on Nov 13, 2009 7:53:46 GMT -5
Part of this post is an excerpt from my Listzilla "Backwards List" post, but I wanted to share it with others who don't read Listzilla. I took out the list of 58 items I accomplished so as not to bore you!
I got notice via a flyer on the door on Monday evening that there would be a mandatory fire extinguisher inspection on Wednesday morning. I had procrastinated my way through yet another weekend, and the apt. was not ready for an inspection. I worked on it Monday night, took half a day off Tuesday morning and then finished up Tuesday after taking DD to tumbling class. Did a bit on Wednesday morning early, too. Since the cat was going to be closed in the master bedrroom at the request of the apt manager, I didn't get that room done, but the rest of the place is clean. The vacuum cleaner turned out to be broken, so I had to sweep the carpets with broom to get up the obvious bits. The rest of this is from my Listzilla post....
"So, in the end, the house was clean except for the master bedroom, which is now worse because it has the 3 dash and stash bins in there and it also didn't get straightened or cleaned because I ran out of time and since the door would be locked with the cat inside, I decided to risk it. The master bathroom needs some attention, too, but it isn't too bad. Oh, and of course the floors still need to be vacuumed, but I did go buy a new vacuum cleaner. It is still in the box, but I should be able to vacuum this weekend.
So that's my backwards list. Even though I didn't get everything done, I got enough done for the inspection, so I am calling it a success.
Looking back, I am even more proud of the fact that I didn't have to pull any all-nighters, and the place wasn't a tenth as bad my last apartment the last time I had to hustle for an inspection. Every time I get the mess picked up, when it comes back it is smaller and smaller than the times before. It has taken 9 years to get to this point, and dealing with underlying issues with a counselor, but I am very excited about the fact that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
DD had a lot of homework and was able to have a friend from school spend the night last night to work on it together. It was an amazing feeling to be able to suggest the sleep over and I know DD loved it, too. I used Christmas presents on the bed for my excuse as to why the bedroom door was locked.
So this weekend, I will work on the bedroom and master bathroom and finish up the laundry. I am very proud of myself and very thankful that I have come this far."
I am almost to the finish line. I can feel it. I can tell how much I have changed. I am not quite there yet and I know I need a bit more counseling to deal with the final resistance issues, but I am on cloud nine. At the spur of the moment today, I was able to suggest to a friend of mine that her daughter could spend the night at my place to work on homework with my daughter. I can't really describe how fantastic it made me feel to be able to do that one simple thing.
Onward
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Post by StuffNoMore on Nov 13, 2009 9:46:10 GMT -5
Oh Onward, I'm so happy for you and also so very, very proud of you!!  I've kept up with all you've done and still doing and I have to say you are one of my inspiration here. So now you can;t regress as I'm following your leads.  You've got so much done and a great big  on getting to the point that DD can have her friends over for a sleepover. I bet it feels wonderful inside for you to be able to do this for her. It's these little things our children base their childhood memories on. My Mom never let more than 1 friend over at a time of which they had to remove their shoes. How I envied my friends whose Moms let them "live" in their house. Not only are you a wonderful woman but you're an exceptional Mom.   Hugs SNM |
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Post by motivatedmama on Nov 13, 2009 10:12:46 GMT -5
Awesome job! I can't wait to be where you are at. You are doing fantastic! |
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Post by puppybox on Nov 13, 2009 11:22:02 GMT -5
It was wonderful to read your story.
I too am succeeding in babysteps over a number of years. When new people come here and say things I used to think and feel and experience I realised I have changed. we can do it.
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Post by ponygirl on Nov 13, 2009 12:26:07 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing. You are doing great.
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Post by wendy on Nov 13, 2009 13:43:43 GMT -5
Congratulations!! It's so good to know that you've been able to do this, and it also gives hope to those of us who aren't there yet!
Way to go!
Wendy
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Post by AnnieOkie on Nov 13, 2009 13:58:33 GMT -5
Awesome, just awesome!!! This place is changing lives, I know it has changed mine. |
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hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815 
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Post by hopehope on Nov 13, 2009 23:09:33 GMT -5
Yowie!! great for you!
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Post by cosmic1 on Nov 14, 2009 9:20:03 GMT -5
onwardandupwawrd, that is a great accomplishment  You should feel proud - good for you! Thanks for sharing your story. |
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Post by missjean on Nov 14, 2009 9:47:18 GMT -5
Congratulations! I thank you sincerely and deeply for telling us. Sometimes no one else understands what "I cleaned my kitchen" means, because that's not a big accomplishment to the average Jane or Joe. For me, hearing your accomplishment is like looking at an elegant lifestyle magazine and thinking, "I want to live like that!"
So thank you, onwardandupward.
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Post by onwardandupward on Nov 14, 2009 14:48:20 GMT -5
I thought I would share something else about my journey that I find very interesting...
The panic I felt when I saw the inspection notice on Monday, was EXACTLY THE SAME as the panic I felt a few years ago in my other apartment which was ten times as messy.
In thinking back to nine years ago when my place was at its worst, I felt shame, embarassment and most of all, FEAR that someone would discover my dirty secret. All of those same feelings are still there, and haven't diminished much.
I am going to discuss this with my therapist because I believe that it is a key component to me getting better. I think that having my emotional reactions match up with the reality of the situation is very important to complete my healing process.
I really feel like I am on the verge of a breakthrough that will carry me over the finish line and it is scary and exciting at the same time.
Thanks for all of the support.
Onward
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Post by zinnia on Nov 14, 2009 18:14:59 GMT -5
Every time I get the mess picked up, when it comes back it is smaller and smaller than the times before.  Congratulations! |
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Post by saffron on Nov 14, 2009 22:48:03 GMT -5
I'm really proud of you, what you've accomplished. Best wishes in reaching a complete healing. |
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Post by onwardandupward on Nov 14, 2009 22:58:00 GMT -5
I have posted photos in the Photos thread that I took today for those of you who may be curious about how my place looks.
Thanks to everyone who has supported my journey all these years!
Onward
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