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Post by success19 on Jan 8, 2010 16:15:47 GMT -5
 >:(How to deal with people who sabotoge your efforts to make changes? To get rid of stuff - their stuff - make negative comments - put downs - procrastinate - make promises that aren't kept - so on and so forth? Also if getting rid of stuff - is necessary to completely change your life - and people are stalling - what to do? I have tried everything at this point. I am making the effort - but I need others to cooperate.
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Jan 8, 2010 16:31:08 GMT -5
As far as letting things go, that belong to other people, maybe giving them a deadline, and then tell them if they don't remove the items by then, you are disposing of them? I had left a ton of stuff at my mom's house, and work, and she was always bugging me to get it, but I never would, not to sabotage her, but just cause i didn't want to deal with the stuff either, and it was easier just to shut down. In the end, I told her I don't want to know what any of the stuff is, just get rid of it, and that is what she did, and I am still doing fine.  As far as negative comments, look at that person with love, fill your heart with love for them, and understand that they are living in fear, and hurting inside, and that is why they are striking out at them. If you fill your heart with love, there is not a single bit of negativity that can get to you. It takes awhile to get into the habit of looking at everybody with love, but you can reframe every single situation in your life, with a little bit of creativity, and look at it with positivity. I was able to turn an arrest into a positive thing, a break up into a positive thing, a car accident, etc. When one of my students was severly injured (permanent brain damage) I was able to reframe the situation in a positive light (thinking of how the driver may be affected to change his own life, that my student may touch others lives, that his life may take on a new, meaningful course, etc). I think if I can reframe that, ANYTHING can be reframed, It was very difficult to reframe it, but in the end, it saved me a lot of suffering. And when you live your life in positivity and love, you affect those around you, very slowly, but very surely, and everybody is better off. So that is my long answer ,to your short question.  Love, Blackswan |
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Post by lostagain on Jan 8, 2010 23:31:14 GMT -5
Are these folks who live with you?
If so, the first thing may be to take care of things that are "yours". If you do the majority of, say, the work in the kitchen (cooking, dishes, whatever) - consider that space "yours". Once the folks that are living there see a change they may be more likely to follow along.
If they are not people who live with you, are they saying that you "shouldn't" be doing certain things? Or are you not doing them "right"?
If anyone says something about how I'm not doing things "right" (I live alone) I let them know they are more than welcome to .... (fill in whatever they're complaining about here) since they know how to do it better. You'll find them stopping making comments (and, if you're lucky, loading the dishwasher! )
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escape
New Member
Joined: August 2008
Posts: 89 
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Post by escape on Jan 11, 2010 1:34:05 GMT -5
If it's small enough to manage it, box it up neatly & drop it off on the porch. Who is responsible is not nearly as important as getting it (and the people associated with it, if they are difficult) out of your life.
If it's something you HAVE to have their help with, give them a choice between a couple of days to come over & get it. With that choice comes an absolute deadline at which time you sell it or give it away.
I've had to do this a few times, so I know this to be true: The people who really car about you will not wish you to be inconvenienced, and will cooperate. The ones who procrastinate will never get around to helping until you really push them, so you need to push to get things done. The people who throw a fit about it aren't the kind of people who deserve your consideration.
Ultimately, you need to do what's best for you. Your mental health depends on it.
-escape
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Post by serenitynow on Jan 11, 2010 5:12:50 GMT -5
AHHHH  What if you're your own saboteur? Same answers, I guess.. serenitynow- sending success19 tons of good vibes  |
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Post by success19 on Jan 15, 2010 22:30:55 GMT -5
I kind of sabotage myself too - too much puter and tv and sleep and inertia and fear and procrastination.
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Post by success19 on Jan 18, 2010 16:06:04 GMT -5
I was determined to change my sleep cycle - so I set my alarm last night - determined to get up earlier - went to bed 2 hours earlier - woke up on my own all excited cause I felt so alert and rested - then looked at the clock - I set it for pm rather than am - so I slept like 12 hours - but now my time clock is probably even more messed up. But I do feel alert and rested. So I quess I subconsciously sabotaged myself.
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Post by serenitynow on Jan 18, 2010 17:27:43 GMT -5
Sounds like your body needed the extra rest success. sn (ooze)  |
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