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Post by gini on Jan 16, 2010 16:09:52 GMT -5
messupdreamz
This is an interesting thread.
I remember my joy when I discovered this site and found all you lovely people struggling with my exact problem. "They're all just like me!" Then it became clear you're not all 'just like me'. It's amazing how we have so much in common, and yet are so diverse and unique.
My clutter drives me crazy. It's in my way, crowding me and pushing on me. It makes me frustrated and angry and despairing. Certainly, it does NOT give me any of those warm safe 'cocoon'-like feelings. I cope with it by turning a blind eye, using my ability to not SEE the squalor.
I would read postings about others' sense of comfort and protection in their clutter with some puzzlement. "How can they feel that way about a big old mess?" "What do they mean, they feel naked and exposed without it?" So I figured that was how those 'not-the-same-as-me' people coped - using their ability to view the squalor as sort of benevolent and weirdly useful.
I would just never understand it at all.
Until the day I cleared off my dresser.
My dresser is waist-high and long, and has a mirror running the full length. It's on the side of the room I face when I sleep. It had long been completely covered in a solid 2-foot-tall pile of junk.
So there it was, all polished and shiny, nothing on it but my jewelry box. Beautiful!
Well, every time I walked into the room, I jumped. I did a double-take. I was startled. My eyes couldn't get used to it. It was so unfamiliar!
What was wrong with me? I hadn't felt this way when I cleared the kitchen and dining room.
And the first night I tried to sleep with that clean dresser there..... the clutter had been blocking the reflection from the lights of the TV and satellite and DVD player on the adjacent wall. Now the mirror was bouncing those lights right at my face.
The mini-wall of junk was missing from my landscape, and my room seemed too big. I lay there uncomfortably in the dark, feeling exposed and small and vulnerable.
It took a couple of unsettling weeks before I could adjust to these new surroundings.
So I now have WAY more understanding and empathy for all the 'cocooners' out there.
This strengthens my belief that a slow and steady approach works best. That after clearing any area, no matter how small, we need time to let our eyes and our minds adapt to it, before we tackle the next spot.
I like MisC's advice about the empty boxes filling the newly vacant space, then being progressively taken away.
I am thankful for all the diverse points of view from the 'same-as-me' and the 'not-same-as-me' people on this site. They have allowed me to see so many facets of my struggle that I was unaware of before.
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Jan 16, 2010 16:59:36 GMT -5
There's a part of your limbic system that's entiely devoted to sensing whether something is unfamiliar to you (can't remember exactly which part.) That sense of novelty is what we all experience when we desqualor, but some of us interpret it as distressing.
I don't use clutter as protection--I'm just lucky that this isn't one of my problems. However, I have occasionally forgotten that I desqualored an area, and felt completely shocked when I saw it the next day.. Of course, then I felt foolish for not remembering.
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Post by lostagain on Jan 17, 2010 11:11:45 GMT -5
This thread is so interesting!! For me I think it is a fear and anxiety over the idea of "maintaining" - same with weight loss. I figure I can get to that point, then I think ...oh my God a whole LIFETIME of maintaining - how can I possibly do that? That's such a huge committment! On the other hand, I see other people's homes that are super organized, and I am JEALOUS. I rarely feel jealousy towards other people but that is one thing I wish I could just DO and not have to overthink, like I tend to do. I keep thinking if can figure out why I am "like this" that would magically fix me and I would be "normal" about cleaning. I don't even know that the "why" is all that important!
As far as the cocoon feeling - I go back and forth on that. Some days I feel very secure with my stuff...other days it feels like the walls are closing in.
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Post by lizzie on Jan 18, 2010 3:23:09 GMT -5
Hi Messedupdreamz, Cleaning up one's bedroom space brings up a variety of anxieties for lots of people, I wonder whether something like a three fold screen (which easily folds to a flat thing against a wall) would be a help in such a situation, as it could be opened out and placed near the bed at night and thus create a feeling of more privacy and enclosure. I used to have a chair which had a high wing-back and sides, it always seemed a very protective sort of chair, ordinary chairs sometimes seem incomplete to me even now! I am thinking that using a folding screen could be one way for someone to feel more psychologically at ease, if being very uncluttered doesn't feel relaxing.
This doesn't answer the 'what do I do next' sort of question, it is just more about 'how do I live with the change from messy to neat' , or 'how do I feel enclosed with lots of clear space around me' sort of thing.
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Post by Serendipity on Jan 18, 2010 4:09:07 GMT -5
This strengthens my belief that a slow and steady approach works best. That after clearing any area, no matter how small, we need time to let our eyes and our minds adapt to it, before we tackle the next spot.
there have been two plastic hangars , one pink and one navy blue, hanging on the pushpins that hang up our peace sign poster. They have been there since summer and I have been thinking of taking them down but have felt anxious to. I took them down tonight and felt panicky. I didn't put them back up although I wanted to but I will if i need to. I am adjusting already but i find this topic timely. I can't figure out how to quote, but i have shared the thought that i could clear the kitchen table and if it bothers me , let it get messy again! also interesting that some part of the brain can perceive change in surrounding as stressful. I think the limbic system is the most primitive part of the brain. I always loved beatrix potter and the cozy nests that the animals had! I think it is like having a safe, familiar nest.
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Post by Serendipity on Jan 18, 2010 4:26:22 GMT -5
I am still trying to figure out quotes!
it is not working!
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