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Post by bigrae on Jan 16, 2010 15:48:36 GMT -5
Its great hes buying me a machine and i shan't miss hand washing for a family in the bath tub,but I have just tonight and a few hours to clear a path to where I'm going to put it and remove the old one which supports the counter top in the kitchen which will of course need to be totally cleared my biggest fear is that he will want to come in,because there is no way i could clean up the whole of the downstairs,in this time.He knows that I struggle with housekeeping but he has no idea just how bad this place has got.He knows that I am doing it bit by bit with the help of this site but I doubt if he would see what I have managed to do.A big part of me wants to feign illness just to rule out the possibility of having my Dad come in to my house  I have picked up a few bits off the kitchen floor and I think I can probably do that tonight enough to move it in but its going to have to be stashed somewhere and there is also a path to be made from the door to the road Its nuts that I feel so worried about having an appliance that will make my life so much easier .If I think too hard about it I start to feel sick  Any advice or reassurance will be welcomed BigRae |
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Post by eagle on Jan 16, 2010 17:08:41 GMT -5
Bigrae, I once opened my door thinking it was my Dad when my condo was pretty much at it's worst. I was prepared for total humiliation. As it turned out, it wasn't my Dad. I don't recall the exact situation, but I had looked out the peephole and thought it was my Dad. It wasn't, I was relieved, but still there was someone at my door and my door was open. Yuck.
The difference here, of course, is you have time to work yourself up into a shamefilled frenzy, whereas I had only 5 seconds to work myself up for the shame and humiliation I expected to feel. I don't feel any what I felt at that time. I barely remember how I felt, actually.
So, rather than working yourself into a frenzy, use that energy to get some work done to clear the path to the kitchen. Anticipate what rooms your dad might need to enter. For example, what entrance he will use, if he might need to use the bathroom, if he wants a drink of water.
So, clean the kitchen as best you can. Clean the bathroom as best you can. Clean up and make the pathway safe. Safety is important when moving something as big as a washing machine. You don't want your dad or whoever is going to be moving the machine to trip over anything.
Maybe go out and buy some bottled water to offer the thristy workers, so you don't have to worry about dishes, etc. But remember that if your fridge is dirty and smelly, you might just want to leave it closed and don't put the bottle water in there. If you avoid opening it, then it won't create an odor in the kitchen as they're working.
Maybe buy some room deodorizing spray to spray around the house. Just because you are used to whatever odors are in your house, doesn't mean it doesn't have them. When we live in squalor we don't realize how offensive the odors can become to someone else.
If weather permits, open windows to help air out the place today and tomorrow.
Close doors to rooms you don't want anyone to enter. Leave the bathroom door open so Dad can go into it without accidentally opening the wrong door. Although, I have had people open the wrong door after whoever last used the bathroom left it closed. You could put signs on the doors "Do Not Enter" if you're really worried. Kids do that ALL the time, right?
So the good thing about letting your Dad actually see what it's like is that you can let go of some of the fear of being found out. Once he sees it you have nothing to hide anymore and that actually removes a lot of fear.
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Post by limegreen on Jan 16, 2010 19:20:19 GMT -5
I don't know how sociable he expects you to be, but if you have the kitchen clear-ish and the pathway to the door, isn't that enough. Also, if he complains that the house is looking a little unkempt, you could point out how much time and effort it takes to wash for a family in the tub and how you'll be back in the swing of things soon with the new washing machine, thank him kindly and show him the door. Have the laundry hamper prominently displayed and tell him you can't wait to get going on this lot, and he's welcome to stay but would he help you sort the coloureds from the whites. If it was my dad you wouln't see him for dust at that point.
My washing machine also holds up the counter, and is such a tight fit you couln't fit a ciggy paper between the sides. A hint I got from the man from Currys was to spray the floor and the sides with furniture polish and it goes in a treat. Don't forget to wash the floor immediately as furniture polish makes it dangerously slippy.
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Post by sparkle on Jan 16, 2010 22:54:18 GMT -5
A couple good suggestions there from limegreen. You got so much done in chat today that I'm sure it's all going to fall or slide into place just fine. Won't it be great to not be wringing those clothes in the tub anymore? You paid your dues. Time to let a machine do some of the work for a change. Hope man wakes up in a helpful mood tomorrow. Big hug.
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Post by gifted on Jan 17, 2010 22:54:31 GMT -5
Bigrae,
While I know it is scary to have your dad see the mess, just try to remember that not having the washing machine is part of what keeps you in the cycle of squalor.
If it were a serviceman, I would say don't worry.
But since it is your dad, only you can decide whether letting him in will be a good thing or not. Since he is helping you out with the washer, it seems that he may be willing to help you in other ways. As uncomfortable as it might be to have him see your mess, it might be helpful for him to know why you avoid having him visit.
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Post by sparkle on Jan 20, 2010 5:40:37 GMT -5
rae, I hope things went well and the reason we haven't seen you is that you're busy doing laundry. Feeling a little sheepish now about having been so upbeat. Hoping it didn't go badly. Miss you.
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Post by bigrae on Jan 20, 2010 10:22:00 GMT -5
i got my washer,and my Dad didn't need to come in  I did clear the counter tops and the kitchen floor some during chat then I lost INTERNET connection. The following morning i cleared the path from the road to my back door enough to shift the old washing machine and mouldy old dishwasher out. Man and I hauled the old machines to the front garden and went to meet my dad at the appliance warehouse,I chose my washer and haggled a discount out of the manager.It is a large capacity machine does almost double the amount of washing per load as my old one,it has a few marks and scuffs but is mechanically fine,my dad approved my choice [he is an ex washer repair man].It was carried to our car ,I hugged and thanked Dad profusely and we took it home. Moving it in to the house was hard we had to carry it between us man got uptight because it was so very heavy and he let it go slightly at the most awkward turn and it got dented slightly ,of course he blamed the state of the house and son for not helping.I didn't care,if son had of dropped it man would have given him heaps so son probably had the right idea  . My dad would have helped to move it but he has retired on health grounds due to heart trouble .He also has a bulge in his aorta so shifting stuff is not something I would encourage him to do. My laundry mountain is almost conquered now and we have an easy exit and entry into the house and the majority of the kitchen is presentable  I haven't been able to get on line recently because man has been around and is hogging the laptop  Thanks for all the advice from my friends here at sos it saved me from missing out on something great through the shame and helped me see the wood from the trees. BigRae x |
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Post by eagle on Jan 20, 2010 10:31:42 GMT -5
Congratulations on the new washer AND the laundry done so far. Very happy for you.
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Post by sparkle on Jan 21, 2010 1:49:46 GMT -5
excellent, rae. really happy for you. hope man relinquishes laptop soon.
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Post by Evelyn on Jan 21, 2010 3:12:02 GMT -5
Three Cheers for Rae, her wonderful new washer, and her increasingly clean kitchen: Hip, hip,  Hip, hip, Hip, hip, And a big blue Thank You to Rae's Dad for making it possible. (And for not coming inside the house).(...& a normal-sized "Thank You" to man for helping move the new washer in, and for not getting *too* uptight; plus a brief "thanks" to son for his wisdom in staying out of the way.  ) Do you remember the old 1950's song " (Put Another Nickel In, In The Nickelodeon) Music! Music! Music!"? I sometimes sing it while I'm doing the laundry, but using mostly words I made up: "Put a load of laundry in, Load it from the laundry bin. All I want is lovin' you, And Laundry! Nice Clean Laundry! Wash the whites and colors too, "Warm" and "Normal," just like you. All I want is kissin' you, And Laundry! Fresh Clean Laundry!" |
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