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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Jan 17, 2010 0:27:38 GMT -5
I just agreed to accept a demotion, due to my persistent inability to get ahead of my work squalor, and I'm so sad. My boss is making it as easy as possible, but I feel like such a failure. I have never been able to keep up with paperwork, and in my soon-to-be-former position, it is all about the paperwork. In my struggle to look on the bright side, I shall acknowledge the following: If I had not accepted this promotion in the first place, I never would have desqualored my house, found this community, or been diagnosed with ADHD. The pressure I received from underperforming drove me to face some lifelong problems. I will return to a job that I liked, with "my most-beloved former boss." He thinks I'm wonderful because I can type with all 10 of my fingers. I will return to a more interesting facility. My current boss has assured me that he understands that I'm unable to do the work, not unwilling. He has agreed to cooperate with a couple of my requests about the transition. He would have let me go to work at any other facility, or to demote at my current facility if I so desired. I requested to return to my former facility. I won't have to supervise someone who believes I'm out to get her. She is currently being paid to stay home until an investigation is finished; by the time she returns, I'll be gone. My supervisor seemed receptive to my recommendations about what action would be the most effective in changing her behavior, but even if his supervisors don't agree, it won't be my problem. I was very competant at my former job, and expect to feel so again. After 4 years of working against my skill set, I'm looking forward to feeling competant again. So many good things about this situation, but I keep crying. I so wanted to develop those organizational skills, and I do have more than I used to, but they're not enough. This is yet another example of something that so many other people can manage, but I cannot. At first, I kept getting the "big picture" speech: "be a leader, not a manager," so I hoped I could manage with the skills I already possessed. Later on, I got the "find your 'detail people,' and delegate to them." I did that, but I couldn't delegate what I didn't already understand, and my "detail people" didn't understand those tasks, either. I tried to demote and return to my previous management position about a year ago, but someone else was hired instead; she'll be my new supervisor. The day I learned I didn't get that job, I was placed on a work plan, which I failed months ago.  This situation so distresses me that I have never posted about it. I can barely read the posts about paper squalor. I know that many members have experienced losses or failure due to squalor. Can you tell me something to help me get through this? |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jan 17, 2010 1:14:34 GMT -5
- I will write more later. Right now, I just want to give you a hug.  - |
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Post by CaringFriend on Jan 17, 2010 2:32:27 GMT -5
- I will write more later.
Right now, I just want to give you a hug.- Me, too!  |
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Post by Evelyn on Jan 17, 2010 2:50:09 GMT -5
OMG. You poor dear. For now, just keep breathing. That's all you really have to do. And crying is only reasonable. You're going through a loss, and you're mourning for that loss. Crying is a very good way to help do that. As for the job you're losing, you have the satisfaction of knowing that you gave it your very best shot. It sounds like you went well above and beyond normal workplace expectations in your effort to make that job work for you. And since you did try every available avenue, you will have no need to wonder what else you might have done. It' important that you did try - you had the guts and the gumption and the grit to take a risk and to courage and determination to put all you had into it. Not every risk pays off; and, as the great philosopher Kenneth Rogers  has said, in the great card game of life we sometimes have to "know when to fold 'em," and to walk away. The job you're (re)gaining will be an opportunity for you to excel again, and perhaps even to show your "most-beloved former boss" how much beyond the ability to type with all ten fingers you can bring back to it. My heart goes out to you, and I am sending you warm thoughts and big, big hugs. - Evelyn, who wishes that she could type with all 10 of her fingers. |
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Post by missjean on Jan 17, 2010 3:35:18 GMT -5
My sympathy is entirely with you. Although the demotion is humiliating to you, you must keep in mind that YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO WASTE!! You have developed more organizational skills, so you are bringing them - and all your wonderful, valuable attributes - back to your lovely boss and the interesting facility. You may find that you're ready for more opportunities in that place. And a word of advice: Don't stop trying to outgrow, outreach, and outperform the way you are now. When the thought of this situation comes back to you (and it will, usually at some ungodly hour), tell it to shut up and go away. |
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Jan 17, 2010 5:53:34 GMT -5
Thanks so much. CLLSS: I'm so glad that you're vigilant and responded so quickly. I suspect that you had the stifle your own need to write a comprehensive response in favor of reaching out right away. CF: thanks so much for being right there. If memory serves, you're a nurse, too? Evelyn: I hadn't even thought about wondering whether I'd tried hard enough. Thanks so much for mentioning that--you couldn't have known this, but I would have always wondered whether I could have made it work. Now I know.  --I learned to type about 35 years ago, because my handwriting was so bad! An my most-beloved former boss (MBFB) and I used to help each other conceal our disorganization--if we couldn't find something, we'd say it was probably on each other's desks.  MJC: I really needed your encouragement to keep reachiing. I do tend to throw in the towel at times such as this. I just awoke from nodding off in front of the TV, and I had a dream that helped me come to terms with this situation. Edited to correct the type of mistakes that added up to my demotion--not meticulous enough to attribute the responses to the correct author. |
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Post by Buried-in-books on Jan 17, 2010 7:52:31 GMT -5
It's so hard to accept that we are not superhuman - you gained skills, you pushed your limits, you TRIED when many would NOT. I use to think i could do everything - it took a long time to admit I couldn't. Look forward to going back to you comfort place and showing off the skills you have gained and know that you are just taking a different path but not a 'wrong' one.
Good luck!
MizS
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Post by DJ on Jan 17, 2010 9:58:58 GMT -5
it seems it gets ingrained into us before we're even aware of it that promotion is good, that bigger is better, that advancing is critical to success.
I have met so many people unhappy because they have been promoted out of the perfect jobs for themselves... yes, money is nice, respect is nice, recognition is nice. But I think what is better is finding what you are good at and -enjoy- Just because you excel at one job doesn't mean you should be promoted -out- of that job and into another one as a misguided reward for all the hard work. for some people a promotion is exactly what they want and they are happy with it.. for others it seems to be a waste, moving them from somewhere they are happy, excel, and enrich all those they work with...
it looks like you couldn't handle the paperwork that came with the promotion. it also looks like you are lucky that higher management realised -they- had made a mistake and promoted you out of positions you excelled at. you're hardly a failure when they realise the value that you bring to the company, you're going back to what you do best. it's just a mistake of a system that views promotion as the end all and be all of a job.
being skilled at your job and being skilled at management are very different. it's sad when people get moved out of their job and end up having to manage others who get to continue doing their job. some people enjoy it, others enjoy the actual work more..
congratulations on getting back to doing good for others that you work with in a position you excel at. maybe a demotion in the heirarchy of the company you are employed with but certainly a promotion of you and what you excel at, and a recognition of what you do -well-
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Post by phoenixcat on Jan 17, 2010 10:03:03 GMT -5
HG Your post really touched me. I struggle so much with paperwork at home and it is even worse at the office. I "sort of" work for myself - my DH and I have a company so I'm kind of stuck with it but it is a constant source of stress and a nightmare. We are getting busier which has made it worse. I have even more coming in that needs to be reviewed, I have less time to deal with what is there and the requests (tax deadlines, business deals, etc.) require me to do even more paperwork based on paperwork I haven't done yet.  Since I'm sort of in a "no fire" option unless I cause us to go bankrupt - I just have to deal with it. But I hate it and really don't like my job very much most days. I would love to go back to my old job (which doesn't exist anymore). I still keep in touch with my old boss many, many years later. I'm happy for you that you are so valuable that your new boss likes you enough to make a sincere effort to make you happy and your old boss is anxious to have you back. You took "the path not taken" and realized that you liked the path you were on - nothing wrong with that. You will probably sleep better and enjoy your work days more. Getting up and being happy and content is worth more than any job title and amount of money. I'd like to congratulate you for landing on your feet! And, going somewhere that brings you happiness and contentment. PC |
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Post by bigtimetroubles on Jan 17, 2010 10:11:42 GMT -5
sorry this happened to you HGF.....hugs to ya bigtimetroubles
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mollyt
New Member
Joined: January 2010
Posts: 70
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Post by mollyt on Jan 17, 2010 10:40:02 GMT -5
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I do know from experience that some very good things in my life have come out of experiences that seemed VERY bad and bleak at the time. I hate to see someone go through the suffering part, but you are not alone! Go ahead and cry and mourn and when you can, focus on the upside of your position change!
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Post by lostagain on Jan 17, 2010 11:00:45 GMT -5
I'm sorry this happened. But - you are obviously a star - if you weren't they would have let you go altogether. And as you said you will feel more "on top" of your new (old) position... which I bet will translate to much less work stress for you. Less stress will free up valuble mental energy! Big hugs to you!
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Post by serenitynow on Jan 17, 2010 11:27:59 GMT -5
Dear HGF, I couldn't answer this when I first saw it a few hours ago. Now that I'm able, I see that djdj did it for me in a much more eloquent way! Demotion? No... just paying more to be a paper pushing robot where your talents weren't being utilized. You were just not a match, that's all. Your boss obviously thinks VERY highly of you. I see this as a win/win for you and your soon to be delighted co-workers! Please accept this big hug (of happiness, not comfort) from me. You were there for me with Crystal Jade and I (we  !) would like to do the same for you, my fellow ENFer!  serenitynow and critter family |
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Post by charis on Jan 17, 2010 11:56:00 GMT -5
You had subordinates who did not have sufficient background/training/experience to do the jobs you were supposed to delegate to them. However, you accept responsibility for your position. So you are, in fact, acting like a leader even as you step down a bit. Your employer probably sees it that way. They want to keep you; they are willing to accommodate several scenarios in order to do so. In this economy especially, that speaks volumes. You are able to write so rationally and with such perspective, but I know it can't make the painful parts go away entirely. May you be happy with your regained responsibilities and may your employer continue to realize your worth |
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spiritwalk
New Member
Joined: December 2009
Posts: 58
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Post by spiritwalk on Jan 17, 2010 12:13:20 GMT -5
This strikes such a chord with me. I was demoted about 2 years ago from a position I never asked to have, but felt no choice in the matter. Unlike your employers who seem to value you and are taking your feelings into account, my situation was handled very differently and my self esteem trampled into the dust so that I feel I suffer from PTSD. But I don't want to hijack your thread!
There are quite a few positives you listed in your post, but I know that we are hard on ourselves and it is hard not to feel like a failure. As someone else noted, our society values 'success' and defines it very narrowly. Happiness doesn't seem to come into the definition much, but to me true success is the ability to be happy and greet each day with enthusiasm, not dread.
I've come to understand that many times things happen for a reason though we can't always see that at the time. It's when we look back we see that it was part of something larger.
It's great that you have a supportive employer that is willing to do what is needed to retain an obviously valued employee.
Sending a big hug your way!
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