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Post by AnnieOkie on Jan 17, 2010 12:16:52 GMT -5
I'm sorry for you, but glad you are being kept by the company. You are looking on the bright side and that will get you through this.
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Post by anonymoose on Jan 17, 2010 17:33:53 GMT -5
I'm sorry this happened to you. Sounds like validation, though, that they think you are worth keeping around...they know that you have a lot to offer and they're not going to find someone else with those same qualities and skills that you have. It would be just as easy to let you go otherwise. I wish you happiness!
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Post by Evelyn on Jan 17, 2010 18:12:10 GMT -5
Edited to correct the type of mistakes that added up to my demotion--not meticulous enough to attribute the responses to the correct author. "Not meticulous enough," my Aunt Fanny!!!! No one is expected to be "meticulous" at time like this, fer cryin' out loud - you deserve credit just for being able to find the keyboard. (OTOH, if it were a work situation, say maybe something like a payroll problem, and say maybe not the first one of its kind, I can see how people's tendency towards good-nature might wear a little thin.) I hadn't even thought about wondering whether I'd tried hard enough. Thanks so much for mentioning that--you couldn't have known this, but I would have always wondered whether I could have made it work. Now I know. I haven't been in precisely your situation; but I've been laid off, failed college classes, blown professional licensing exams, and racked up any number of other failures (including a negative typing-class final test score: I officially type at -3 wpm ). The post-mortems, the "What if I had done...?"s and "Why didn't I try...?"s can be grueling; but in those cases where I had worn myself to shreds doing everything that I or anyone else could think of, it did help to know that I'd done my utter utmost. my most-beloved former boss (MBFB) and I used to help each other conceal our disorganization--if we couldn't find something, we'd say it was probably on each other's desks. Was thinking some more about Great Philosopher Kenneth Rogers last night (his sayings do have a tendency to stick in the mind ); and realized that, elsewhere in the same work, he had also directly addressed the problems of squalor: "...the secret... is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep." It occurred to me that in your dem- forget that, I'm going to call it a "transfer" (so what if it's not quite lateral? ) - you'll be coming back to your former position with a whole battery of newly developed de-squalorization skills. (In fact, you may have to be a little careful with your MB once-&-future-boss, taking baby steps and handling with kid gloves when the papers you need are infact buried somewhere on his desk.) A job can be what you make it, and you may soon make this one a glorious opportunity to shine. - Evelyn, the slow 6-finger typist
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Post by sparkle on Jan 17, 2010 20:53:35 GMT -5
My, oh my. You are even more amazing than I realized. I was demoted some years back and in no way handled it as well as you have. I am so pleased and really proud of the way you worked things out with your boss and especially admire the way you have chosen to look at things after the fact. My boss didn't like me so there was no way of talking things through. I went to the new position which wasn't a good fit without really knowing what I was accepting. I stuffed my feelings and pretended it was a good thing, which it wasn't. You have taken a far more mature approach which speaks well to your character. I have long admired you and learned much from your posts here. I have even more admiration for you now. Your wise friends here have said things I wish I could have said. I have new insights from them now, too. Grieve for your loss as long as it takes and then revel in your less stressful life. How wonderful that you are so respected by all (except one) who work with you. You certainly have my deepest respect. You are very much loved here and I continue to look forward to your posts.
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Post by autumn on Jan 17, 2010 22:02:48 GMT -5
Hi Hgf, I feel your pain, and I have also been promoted beyond my skill set, but You have handled it with an astonishing amount of insight. You realize what happened, you stuck it out far longer than most of us would. I realize you feel that you failed, but you didn't. If it is taken to basics, I could take lessons on an piano till I DIE and NEVER get it right. We just have to admit that we have different gifts, not that we fail, we EXCEL elsewhere. Happiness is so much more important. We are our own worst critics. Hang in there!!! We are proud of you!
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Post by gifted on Jan 17, 2010 22:41:22 GMT -5
Congratulations!
You will soon be rid of the paperwork you have been drowning in. Your post says you are merely "accepting" a demotion. Yet I believe that you did much negotiating to be able to move back into your old position, even if you are not ready to give yourself credit for your successful negotiations. I am glad that you will be going back to work with people who value your skills.
But for now, you are allowed to be as sad as you want.
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Jan 18, 2010 0:40:47 GMT -5
I'm overwhelmed by everyone's kind words. I have been struggling for several years, so I was not surprised. My writing sounds more composed than I really am, so don't be too impressed.
My boss asked me to take Tuesday off, to allow him time to work out the logistics of the demotion; I expect we'll "let the cat out of the bag" on Wednesday. I work for the government, so it's a big bureaucracy, that facilitates such reassigning of personnel.
If I didn't have the support here, I'd feel really humiliated. Knowing that so many nice, intelligent people struggle with these problems helps tremendously.
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Post by yearning4order on Jan 18, 2010 1:54:25 GMT -5
Hi HGF--I have also been promoted not only beyond my skill set, but outside my area of interest. It was rather a gift to be slid back into something more to my liking, however it did not occur in the public fashion you describe, and wasn't specifically related to squalor.
In the software industry it's not uncommon to watch this happen over and over again--people who are gifted coders getting promoted into management positions, suddenly they have to answer to more people, manage more people, and what they were gifted at, coding, suddenly isn't their focus. And perhaps the reason they liked coding to begin with is because it suited a less social, perhaps more introverted personality. This is a painful thing to watch when that happens to be the case, or when the coder in question has Asperger's because instead of making a living at what the person is best suited to do, they are suddenly trying to make a living from their weakest area: working with people.
This happens in many places, and at least for the work I do, this is something I ran into--however I'm the opposite. I'm highly social and while I understand things conceptually and can *translate* back and forth between people who are technical and non-technical, or mechanical and non-mechanical, I absolutely hate coding and I hate database management, and the culling of pure data. Bores me to tears. And once I got promoted into it, it was humbling to have to admit I hated it and do an about face.
I think it's lovely you are going back to work with MBFB. I support your growth and your dignity--you are walking through this with a tremendous amount of grace, and I'm glad you will be getting to work from the strongest points of your skill set, rather than the most challenging.
A thought that keeps going through my head is this (and not to negate that this new job helped you journey through and work on squalor in your life): it's also ok to look at this as different skill sets. It's ok, if people ask, to explain that you weren't working from the strongest part of your current skill set, and that it's a positive thing to be able to return to working with your stronger skill set again.
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Post by dailystruggle on Jan 18, 2010 15:17:12 GMT -5
Hey Hgf, sorry to hear about your transition. Don't worry though. It could be that you don't have those skills, "yet". The brain is continually developing. Maybe those skills are going to develop later on. Even if they don't, you can think of your current position as a tree trunk that grows into infinity. There are an infinite number of branches that branch off of this tree. Those branches represent the other positions, each with different skill sets that you could get. So, just because this promotion didn't suit you doesn't mean that there isn't a different one won't suit you. Also, you shouldn't consider yourself a failure. People are just good at different things. It's a fact. You've succeeded greatly in that you gave it a shot.
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Post by puppybox on Jan 18, 2010 17:32:10 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. but you are handling it the best way I can imagine, truly. mucho love to you. It only hasn't happend to me becasue I'm so like you they know not to promote me to that type of position in the first place!
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Post by sparklymessygirl on Jan 18, 2010 19:07:34 GMT -5
Hi HGF, True true - I think Djollydjolan is spot on and Spiritalk's words on success and failure strike a chord with me too. I understand what it is like to feel like a fraud who is hanging on to their job. But really I hope that you will come to see that you are finally getting back into alignment with your true self - becoming congruent with your real skills and talents - that is a place of power and potential. "Demotion" is so value laden - cast it out. Maybe this new position is the better place to develop greater organisational skills. I'll bet there are loads of things you are better at than other people - we are all different (thank goodness!) What helps me is to imagine parenting myself in a loving gentle way....if I had a child who wasn't so good at maths I'd probably rejoice in their creative skills which the maths geeks might not have. You've been searching for the right place for you - and now you have managed to eliminate at least one place that is NOT right for you - that's progress! If the words don't help - then have this instead! Sparkly
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Post by howardsgirlfriend on Jan 19, 2010 14:49:34 GMT -5
I saw me counselor yesterday, and get this: the ONLY point he made that hadn't already been mentioned here was that 10 yars ago, I never would have even applied for the job, much less stuck it out as long as I did. All the other perceptive insights he shared you-all already said! I'm so grateful! I will continue to call this change a "demotion"--that's what it is, and I value precision in language quite highly. No need to find a euphanism--a demotion is not always a bad thing, even when I would have preferred to develop the necessary skills. Today I'm at home, while my boss works out the details with his boss. Will probably "let the cat out of the bag" tomorrow. There's so much wisdom here.
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Post by littleengine on Jan 19, 2010 15:10:07 GMT -5
Exactly what djolly and everybody else said.
It's such a terrible feeling to struggle with a job that doesn't suit you. And it feels incredible to be done with it and be able to BREATHE again!!! I am amazed at your determination and perseverance to stick with a difficult fit for four years!!
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Post by flylady on Jan 20, 2010 1:15:11 GMT -5
I am sorry this happened to you. I wish you all the best.
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Post by gettingsomewhere on Jan 20, 2010 2:06:01 GMT -5
love to you dear girlfriend of howard. i am not going to say i am sorry this has happened as i feel this is a great blessing for you at this time. i wish you weren't sad of course, and i am praying that this is short lived. i know so well how difficult this must be, but i am sure you will find life becomes much more enjoyable now that this has happened. and with your new found skills i think you will be taking your old job to new heights too. i wish you love and luck hun. xxx
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