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Post by Buried-in-books on Jan 21, 2010 8:04:15 GMT -5
I am moving. BF and I are moving to new house 30 minutes away. We have a pod in front yard we were just using for non essential stuff and it just went into the second month - we closed 6 weeks ago (didn't know if we were going to close until then). I work from home and it tends to be 8-10-12 hours daily. No vacation or sick time - if i do not work - I do not get paid. The only reason I was able to get new house was unexpected inheritance from parents. BF does not work due to physical medical issues. We are both old and seriously out of shape. I use to do animal rescue and had tons of dogs through this house. I NEVER knew how much freaking dirt and hair dogs can bring into a house and how it can hide. We're down to four dogs and two cats. DBF is having fits. As he put it yesterday - I'm not DOING anything - I'm not moving anything - I'm just "playing with my boxes" (sorting/purging papers and misc). He seems to haven't noticed bags and boxes of trash going out. I am trying to clear probably six years of stuff that has built up and then need to go through bedroom full of stuff from parents. He wants me to get everything ready and then we will load it up and get it to new house. I cannot get him to take initiative and we are not on the same page on what should be done when. I suggest things he can gather up for a load and he doesn't agree. Yesterday I was so close to pointing out that as I am paying for all this - and he is getting a huge garage for his shop at the new house - then he should deal and be helping me. His shop is going to be ready to use - I'm struggling with the house and am not in good place. ANYWAY - I got mad yesterday and when he was gone - dragged out a small bookcase and dresser to front yard and wiped them down (SPIDERS AND EGGS underneath ACK) and got them in pod. Luckily I didn't have any emergency work calls. Also dragged stuff to my car and can barely walk today. One knee is really bad. I would find some way to hire movers but this place is terrible with dirt and hair and things need to be cleaned or sorted before hiring someone to just box and carry it over to new house blindly. After yesterday - between the inability to dance today and the coughing from dealing with dirt/debris/debris - I don't feel I can do this alone. Please - what can I do? Hire a cleaning service to come in and clean now? Are there movers that will clean first? I am about out of discretionary funds and will be using credit card to fix this house up - and that makes me nervous. We need to be out within a week or so and then we need to replace flooring and do reapirs before my daughter can move in - she has to be out of her apartment by the first week in March. My kids are not in a position to help now - I'm hoping daughter will help me go after attic while we are fixing downstairs for her. HELP!! I don't think the only reason I'm having trouble breathing is the dust - I feel like I'm sinking fast. Thank you!
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Post by lostagain on Jan 21, 2010 8:14:12 GMT -5
Hey - not sure where you are, but you can get movers to come and load up the pod, then unpack it at the new house. THEN the cleaners would come in. I don't know of a company that would do both moving and cleaning. Movers would either pack and move the stuff or move the boxes after they are packed. It is based on the amount/weight of stuff rather than how long it takes (I think that means if things are packed). A friend of mine packed a (rented) truck himself,then hired someone to unpack and place in his new apartment, said it cost about $300 for the unpack, he lives on the second floor, that might have something to do with it as well (if they have to take things up/down stairs). Once things are out of the house you could hire someone to do the cleaning for maybe $15/hour? Sorry - wish I had some more concrete numbers for you.
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Post by moggyfan on Jan 21, 2010 8:20:12 GMT -5
Craigslist is your friend. You can hire a person (people) to come in & do cleaning before you move, and then the same (or different) folks to do the moving. There are thousands of ads for cleaning and/or day labor and/or movers.
I've used craigslist several times for such things and had good experiences.
Potential downside: You'd have to pay cash, not use a credit card.
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Post by clutterfree on Jan 21, 2010 8:24:01 GMT -5
I'm planning on moving if I can find a suitable rental just to get out of this house (which I own) that has numerous big problems.
And I plan on hiring help to do it. I work from home like you, and it does present challenges. Some people think that if you're home all day it should be easier to get things done--but that's not the case!
In my case, I'm going to hire someone from around town who's out of work and needs the money to help me load and unload things. That might be a good solution for you as far as getting things cleaned up and ready for the movers, at least.
Someone who's looking for any way to make money and advertisign for it or that you hear of word of mouth isn't going to have a "I can do this but not that" sort of limitation. If you ask them to help you do something, they're more likely to do it for whatever you pay them per hour so it's a bit more flexible for you, and helps them too.
As far as the boyfriend, if he thinks things should be done just a certain way, then there's an easy solution for that--doing it himself. Maybe you can make it clear to him that he either needs to be helpful, or at the very least not be part of your stress and problem. I vote for helpful.
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Post by Chris on Jan 21, 2010 9:00:30 GMT -5
You mention there is a huge garage at the new place - - that could be a temporary staging area for most boxes and small stuff? This does sound like a huge project to take on without hiring at least the moving part done. I clean houses with my SIL and I can tell you that a house is so much easier to clean when it's empty of stuff. We do clean outs from time to time when people are selling or after their lease is up -- and you'd think it would be really really hard but although it tends to be dirtier it's much much easier to clean. It's hard to advise you specifically as to what to do but I think that it's clear you need help from somewhere. Can you hire just the furniture and big heavy stuff moved? And deal with boxes and small stuff yourself? It sounds like a huge challenge because meanwhile you're still working and could get calls. You and your BF probably can't afford to be at odds -- agree to cooperate whatever it takes because of course you don't want to pile on credit card debt. It could be he is just frustrated and does not have a clue where to start -- and doesn't like taking orders -- but it could be he'd like to get this done just as badly as you. Once it's empty (even if the attic is still stuffed) you can get the house cleaned in just a few hours by a professional team of cleaners who can come in with 3 or 4 and get it ready for your daughter to move in. I would expect it to cost a few hundred dollars. My SIL and friend charge about $200 for a good sized house for a cleanout. It is just a shame that what should be really exciting and somewhat fun has to be so stressful -- however I guess that's pretty much how moving is even if you were on vacation. Good luck with it!!!!!
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Post by 60isolderthanithot on Jan 21, 2010 9:58:04 GMT -5
Okay, am I the only person who sees Disaster written all over this move with the picky boyfriend and the uncooperative family? Should I just shut up because it would be upsetting to be reminded how hard it will be to work with a guy who behaves this way NOW?
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Post by Buried-in-books on Jan 21, 2010 17:03:04 GMT -5
It is already a disaster. What I am trying to do is salvage as much as I can without more damage. I'm not at all happy with the fighting but I'm scared because I already feel like I have done something bad to at least one knee and the coughing is becoming an issue. I have respiratory issues anyway and have had a tendency to develop pneumonia. I cannot afford to be out with pneumonia or surgery. If I go under - everyone goes under. I am full support for myself and BF and half support for my daughter. I was counseled by several people not to buy new house but stick here but I hate this house and felt my mental health and future was to grab the chance to have a house with what I wanted and needed to be happier. I feel like as much of Depression era people my parents were - they would be happy to see their inheritance going to something for me for a change.
I have looked over Craig's list and called a couple of numbers. Waiting for calls back. I'm really trying to hold on to something positive and not cringe at the thought of having someone come in and see this mess. I knew it was dusty - I knew it was dirty - I did not think about the spiders under the furniture and it has spazzed me beyond belief!
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Post by gettingsomewhere on Jan 21, 2010 19:47:08 GMT -5
hugs miz. hang in there. must admit i am with 60 on this one. i understand you wanting to have a fresh start, but when we take our clutter and mess with us we just end up in a worse position i have found. i so hope bf gets his butt moving more, and his mouth moving less. i'm afraid i wouldn't have much patience with him in your position. and how about our daughter who is moving into your place. surely she can help you now when you need it so much. you shouldn't have to do it all alone.
as for hiring help, there will be plenty of folks around who are happy to do whatever you need from them. good luck with this, but i really am helping that some help can come from those close to you. xx
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Post by Buried-in-books on Jan 21, 2010 20:30:57 GMT -5
My knee gave out on me earlier and he started fussing about me needing to go to the doctor. I told him there was no good reason to go until I had all this (sweeping arms out to include house) done with the move. I told him I put heat on it yesterday and he basically said I was lying because he knew I hadn't done anything.
Then he made comment about why - I hadn't really done anything major so why would it be bad now. At that point I clenched my teeth and mentioned that it was bad after moving furniture out yesterday so I would continue to do move stuff - then take a couple of days doing papers and small things before I moved more.
He then proceeded to criticise how I moved the furniture which is why I was hurting. I never use the correct equipment, knee pads, dollies, etc. I walked away.
He wants us to move the chest out of here he wants in his shop tomorrow so he has it in his truck when so he can unload it when he is done with his volunteer work Saturday. I agreed earlier - now I'm not sure I give a ***.
I did get a call back from a very uncertain cleaning service who said she would come help me Saturday but could only give a rough estimate until she got here. It's a start - now to find the money. I started back on clearing papers tonight - I am NOT NOT taking these piles to the new house - he can freaking wait until I go through them.
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Post by gettingsomewhere on Jan 21, 2010 20:38:43 GMT -5
more hugs.
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Post by mish on Jan 21, 2010 21:45:34 GMT -5
mizs, I don't know how big your current house is, but can you move the stuff you need to into the new place and kind of dump the junk in one room in the old place? Then after your daughter has moved in and bf is happily ensconced in his garage you can go through the junk as you have time. Although, given that you work long hours on the phone I guess you can't be at the old house, huh? I hope you find some good hard workers to compensate for all the help you're *not* getting from family.
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Post by lizzie on Jan 21, 2010 22:27:07 GMT -5
Hello MizSeeker, are you connected to any church or organisation which might have volunteers who could help with this sort of thing? Does your daughter have any such connections or friends who might be helpful? You mention your BF does volunteer work, does he have any colleagues there who could give a hand? If you can possibly get some more people carrying and packing and unpacking, that will make a big difference.
This seems like a situation where, as the move has to take place, you will have to grin and bear it re other people seeing the place, if you can get some help - maybe have a phrase ready like "The new house will be a brand new start, I am so excited" to say to people along with "Put some gloves on, there's dust and spiders". I appreciate that this would be difficult, but you are at the right place to de-brief around being embarrassed, many others have done so before you!
Do keep posting, you know you have sympathetic ears here, and there will be encouragement for you too. Best wishes, Lizzie
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Post by eagle on Jan 22, 2010 3:13:33 GMT -5
Mizseeker, I empathize. It's great that you have someone coming on Saturday.
Do you ever suggest to BF that some positive feedback might be more beneficial? It is so hard to live with constant negativity. Good for you for walking away when you did. It's much better than losing it. And snapping that you're the one paying for everything, although it may be true and make you feel superior and righteous in the moment, will probably only exacerbate the argument.
Before our move across country I did what you are doing, but I have months to prepare. So it's hard to give suggestions on how to make this work in so little time.
But I agree that it's best to get rid of as much as possible before the move.
Here's an idea: Since your daughter isn't moving in for a couple of months, why not first get the furniture ready for the move to the new house and leave the misc. boxes to the last.
You could move the boxes to the garage of the old house and come back and sort through them there for a couple of hours a day (or whatever), thus leaving the mess in the old house until you finish that part. Just one option.
You said you'd have to go back to clean and repair as needed, so you'll be there anyway. But leave a worktable and a stool or chair to sit on while you do the work. You don't want to do that all standing up. I have discovered that when a house is empty and you're doing work in it, a chair is a must, a table of some kind is nice, and don't forget to keep some toilet paper and a towel there, too.
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Post by shopgirl on Jan 22, 2010 4:58:18 GMT -5
Ugh. Moving with a crabby boyfriend. I understand your pain!
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Post by Buried-in-books on Jan 22, 2010 8:02:26 GMT -5
Thank you for the suggestions and encouragement! And note - I get teased from my family because I ALWAYS make sure I have toilet paper and paper towels no matter where I go! I took a chair to the new house first week as well. BF had been downsized out of a Federal job when I met him and was working with contracting company. Then he lost his house in Hurricane Isabel and moved in here and tried to recover. He finally started working again butt hen came the heart surgery and complications from that - he's been in a negative spiral for years. I have to fight against letting myself go down that path. No church connections and I would not let friends near this house. Same with his volunteer group. The garage and shop are in the new house and I am really really trying not to carry the trash with me. However I am going to use the cleaning service to help me clear some shelves and craft supplies and box them up. They have some potential value - old papers, envelopes and most magazines do not. I cannot drive at night so I know that while I might be able to come back to this house after we "officially" move on weekends - we will need to do as much as we can premove. We need to do some serious repair work here - all flooring has to be replaced - and subflooring in some places - some sheetrock - appliances - master bath has to have vanity and shower redone. BF will help with that but I will need to hire people - he can't handle it. Then we can let daughter come in and start redoing wallpaper and ceilings and whatever she wants to do. Good thing is - as it looks like I will not get to the attic premove - when his shop here is clear - we can use it to bring stuff down from the attic and stage for clearing and it will be OUTSIDE of the house here. A LOT of the attic can be trashed - it is old computer equipment - books I don't care so much about from library sales - old clothes - REALLY old papers. I hope (daughter is going to scream as she wanted house all clear) that doing that will allow me to spend during week on new house and get my head in that good place and then it will give me energy to come back here and feel inspired to throw out attic 'stuff'. I cannot tell you people how much the kinds words and support mean to me here. I think I would have crawled back to bed and stayed there - not gotten as far as I have without this site and its people. I know I will get down again but I will come here - read the encouragement and the documentation I have in threads and move FORWARD! Thank you all very much - I do appreciate the help and welcome it in any form! You are allllll absolutely wonderful! MizSeeker
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