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Post by autumn on Jan 22, 2010 10:03:56 GMT -5
Hi,
I know you are going through alot and the only thing I can mention is that I have hired men from an alcohol half-way house on day labor basis before to help. They came with a supervisor and worked hard and were inexpensive.
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Post by Buried-in-books on Jan 23, 2010 8:15:42 GMT -5
I couldn't do it - I realized if I let the cleaning woman in to help me clean off the old shelves and stuff that needs cleaning to pack - I'd spend the night before cleaning the bathroom and stuff so she wouldn't see how bad it is. I mentioned looking for day labor and BF pointed out that we probably do not want to advertise that we are moving out of a house and have one that is not lived in but full of stuff for the taking. Good point. He is at his volunteer work until 2 today. We moved the chest he wants in his truck yesterday. I've taken the allergy medicine - I am getting some food so I can load up on aspirin and I will be in the chat room all day. Wish me luck and unlimited energy so I can  MizSeeker |
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Post by lizzie on Jan 24, 2010 4:16:42 GMT -5
Lots of luck and unlimited energy!
If you have an oven timer I recommend setting it for 15 minutes, then when the bell rings, you stop whatever you are doing and stand or move about and have a stretch or wriggle and a couple of mouthfuls of water and a big yawn before setting the timer for another 15 minutes - this will help keep you from stiffening up, or maintaining an awkward position for too long without realising. I suggest a big yawn because when people are tense or anxious or worried, they often carry a lot of tension in their jaw without really noticing, and periodically relaxing the jaw can help avoid headaches, stiff necks etc. I wish you enthusiasm as well!
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Post by Buried-in-books on Feb 1, 2010 19:33:11 GMT -5
Just had huge fight with BF. We're just starting to melt the snow and ice and I'm afraid to take stuff to the pod and slip. I cleared the steps and part of the walk but not all. So BF says he'll go it - but then starts making comments about why won't I put paints in the pod (um freezing temps). Why am I wanting donation clothes in my car - why won't I put more in the pod - why haven't I packed more .... and then - when I shut down and told him no more - why am I not taking his help so never mind - he doesn't matter and he won't help then. I'm so angry and want to say hurtful ugly things about him not working and instead I'm not saying anything - which makes him madder.
he is right that I give up too quick - he is right that I stall out. I tried to explain to him that his comments about me being silly and making a production about not falling is not helping. I cannot afford falling and being out of commission and not working - he fell Saturday on the ice. If I get seriously hurt and can't work - then money doesn't come in. I feel like nothing I do is right and I am so tired of paying for being wrong over and over. I'm shaking and just want to crawl into a hole. if he mentions me playing with my papers one more time I swear I'm going to start screaming and not stop - he still says I haven't taken anything to the new house or thrown away anything. Then he makes a comment about the trash can being too full of junk so there is no room for the regular trash - that he says would never be taken out if he didn't do it. And no - I always took out the kitchen trash - i HATE the smell of old food. I know I have not stepped up and packed things because I am angry because I feel like I should be getting more help when I'm working and he isn't. But I can't have that conversation - things will be permanently damaged then.
I'm looking for cleaning services again and asking them if they will help me pack. He is made because I was going through things and now says - throw everything in boxes and get it MOVED. Again - all I'm doing to him is playing with a few papers. I can't take this - I don't know what to do.
HELP!
MizSeeker
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Post by mish on Feb 2, 2010 4:31:17 GMT -5
Wow....
Version 1, harsh but (to me) the best way:
What on earth do you get out of this relationship? It sounds like you care for him and work yourself into the ground but he does nothing but complain in return. And he *did* get his way - the chest is in his truck so he can put it in the new garage after his volunteer work. Right?
My plan: dump him, sell both the new and old houses (your daughter can fend for herself, she's an adult) and buy your own cute little one bedroom condo. Live your life for you! Bugger everyone who wants something from you but can't be bothered to help you in your time of need.
Version 2, a more considered reply:
TELL the bf why you do what you do. TELL him that if you fall on the ice it's all over red rover for ALL of you. Don't argue, just TELL him that he's never taken out the garbage (but now that he mentions it, here's a bag, off you go). CALL HIM OUT when he flat out lies or puts a good spin on things. TELL him that you need to go through the papers in a certain way that makes sense to you - and suggest something he could do to help meanwhile.
TELL your daughter to find somewhere to plunk herself temporarily because you cannot realistically meet her move-in deadline. It's YOUR house. Move stuff out of one room and she can put her stuff in there until you are completely moved out. Or something.
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What's the other option? You allow yourself to be pulled hither and yon by all and sundry, and you end up resentful and grinding your teeth and miserable. What do you want? Make a plan and stick to it. It's YOUR life, YOU need to run it, not everyone else.
Now I guess I'll go and hang out with 60isolderthanithot.....
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Post by CrimsonKat on Feb 3, 2010 5:07:59 GMT -5
i know it has been said, but craigslist really helped us last time we moved. we rented a truck at u-haul and did as much as we could ourselves by boxing stuff, etc., then we had them come load the truck. we drove it to the new place, they followed, and then they unloaded it for us. make sure to look up a few if you do it this way, in case the first one doesn't show or something.
good luck to you. moving is one of the worst things in the world for me, so i know how stressful it can be to try to coordinate everything.
hugs to you!
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Post by Buried-in-books on Feb 6, 2010 9:43:50 GMT -5
Movers have been scheduled to come Tuesday to get major furniture. And of course it is suppose to rain again.
My post the other day was horribly confusing. I apologize.
Not really talking to BF - he does take out the trash and wash dishes after dinner - evidently I haven't been appreciative. However he is the one that requires a dinner every night with his diabetes and wont cook. This is showing me what he thinks about me and his part in this life. He just keeps saying throw it in
Daughter is mad I have not started on the attic - says the dusty neglected attic will taint the rest of the house even with new carpet/flooring/paint. Don't care.
BF is off on volunteer work this am and I am moving things into pod as long as it isn't snowing. Will be in chat for motivation. I don't know what I would have done if not for the good people here.
MizSeeker
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Post by StuffNoMore on Feb 6, 2010 16:45:44 GMT -5
My heart goes out to you Mizseeker. I wish he would appreciate you more as you have done quite a bit for him and it doesn't look like you ask for very much in return. Stay strong and never let anyone take advantage of you whether it be him or family. You deserve at least that much.
Hugs
SNM
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