|
|
Post by missjean on Mar 20, 2010 9:14:29 GMT -5
I had a weird situation yesterday that really drove home how much shame I feel on a daily basis. I'm almost used to feeling it about squalor, even when my house looks pretty good.
Yesterday I was up early, dressed for work, and was heading out the door when I started feeling light-headed and nauseated. I thought maybe it was because I skipped breakfast, so I had a cracker and some broth. But on the way to work, I started feeling pain so I called a substitute.
Well, I decided that instead of letting the sub use my emergency plans, I would pop in and rearrange some bookwork. I also wanted to lock up some tests that were on my desk.
By the time I got there, I had to run to the bathroom. Then I explained to the students that I was not going to be staying. Some of them were gleeful, even making jokes about it.
One asked me with a smile, "Does your stomach hurt REAL BAD?"
"Why are you trying to make me throw up on you?" I asked him. (I didn't really mean "on you" that way - more like "in your presence".)
Anyway, I had to go to the bathroom another time before the sub showed up, and I felt really ashamed.
I barely made it to my car before I threw up again, and then I was afraid some other students might have seen from the window.
Thinking about it now, there is absolutely no reason to be ashamed of being sick. But I was. And honestly, if any student brings it up on Monday, I'll be embarrassed.
Another funny thing is that a friend of mine sent me an article that showed the former vice-president Al Gore at a huge table in an office that was wall-to-wall piles and heaps of papers, books, etc. Her comment about him was that the clutter showed how well-read and busy he was. I found myself laughing because it looked a lot worse than my work office, yet my office mate and I have cleaned it several times because we were afraid of what someone might say!
So I'm wondering now how much of the shame, anxiety, and embarrassment is out of proportion to my clutter or my ability to control a situation (such as getting sick).
Anyone else feel like that?
|
|
|
|
Post by tinasabrina on Mar 20, 2010 10:33:06 GMT -5
a friend of mine sent me an article that showed the former vice-president Al Gore at a huge table in an office that was wall-to-wall piles and heaps of papers, books, etc. Her comment about him was that the clutter showed how well-read and busy he was. I found myself laughing because it looked a lot worse than my work office, yet my office mate and I have cleaned it several times because we were afraid of what someone might say! So I'm wondering now how much of the shame, anxiety, and embarrassment is out of proportion to my clutter or my ability to control a situation (such as getting sick). How funny about the pic of Al Gore being perceived in such a positive way, yet if you or I had such a desk it would never be looked at that way! People would have nothing but negative things to say about it, that's for sure, since we're not important politicians. Amazing.  You just wait til those kids start throwing up themselves. Viruses come AND go around- their turn is coming and they will be sorry they laughed! It could be of course that they were trying to make light of the situation because let's face it- they do not have good social skills yet and sometimes don't know how to react. I am so sorry you had to be sick at work though and sincerely hope you are much better. I don't know why we feel shame when we get sick in public. Certainly we should not but most people do . . . . .I remember one time having to stop on the side of the road to vomit and foremost in my mind was "Oh I hope nobody saw me." I guess vomiting to most of us represents the ultimate loss of control, and especially in front of others. Get well soon dear one. Much of our shame that we experience is indeed so unjustified and undeserved. |
|
|
|
Post by howardsgirlfriend on Mar 20, 2010 12:39:55 GMT -5
I've been in nursing for more than 30 yrs, and it's nearly universal to feel embarrassed when you lose control of your body, even when it's in a relatively private place. Some of the issues it raises include vulnerability, loss of control, squeamishness, loss of authority, mortality, etc.
Don't give your shame another thought.
|
|
|
|
Post by Butterfly on Mar 20, 2010 12:45:53 GMT -5
Missjeanclean, you are so right! I, too, am humiliated if I'm ever sick in front of someone. I am also ashamed any time others are exposed to me in such a way that I think might disgust them. For example, having an EKG left me in tears because I was so sorry that the EKG tech had to look at my unattractive chest. Many more personal examples of this that I will spare you reading and me the shame of typing here for all to read...
The bad thing is that I have to have another EKG next week...
|
|
|
|
Post by CrimsonKat on Mar 20, 2010 12:57:19 GMT -5
i am the same. i hate being sick in general. it causes shame and self-hate. i am super embarrassed about it in front of others. this is awful, since i have lupus and feel sick a lot. i try to hide it and act stronger than i feel.
i am sure some of this comes from the way i was raised. i got in trouble from my mother when i was sick (cold, flu, monthly cramp stuff, headaches, body pain - from then unknown lupus). she somehow took it personally and i was often punished and yelled at for it. it's hard for me to be around sick people too, like when my DH is sick, i feel out of control and helpless to the point of anxiety.
this topic is just one more thing that makes me feel sad about my childhood and how i currently have such a hard time being kind to myself. sigh...
|
|
hopehope
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 3,815 
|
Post by hopehope on Mar 20, 2010 21:46:04 GMT -5
"Money dignifies what would be ridiculous without it." -- Virginia Woolf
|
|
|
|
Post by handymandy on Mar 21, 2010 19:07:53 GMT -5
The bad thing is that I have to have another EKG next week... Go buy some of those yellow Smiley stickers and put one on each breast and give the technician a big laugh. Also, good luck on your EKG. |
|
|
|
Post by DJ on Mar 21, 2010 20:05:37 GMT -5
i've always had techs shield me with sheet drapings when affixing the leads for EKGs. I would question not the aesthetics of your chest but the professionalism of a tech who didn't at least offer you what dignity and privacy you could have had. and again, if the tech were appraising you for aesthetic value while doing their job which is to protect the health of your body and allow you your dignity while doing so then something would be very wrong...
i know my words won't chip away much at decades worth of conditioning from society, family, cultures... but your body is a beautiful thing for its functions, what it allows you to do, the good you create each day, the kindnesses you bring to yourself and others.... form and beauty is a nice add on but if someone is judging you and your worth based on it the fault lies with them and whatever their judgement is is pretty worthless as far as i'm concerned... and if they do so while you're entrusting them as part of the testing and healing process for your body the fault is doubly theirs and their judgement is atrocious. The shame is theirs and not yours.
snickering at the yellow smiley stickers and my gyno might get a giggle and a snort at next exam.
|
|
|
|
Post by Butterfly on Mar 21, 2010 20:34:50 GMT -5
 Handymandy!  Thank you!!! Djollydjolan, thank you so, so very much for your kind and compassionate words!!! I asked - no, that's not right - I begged for a drape and was refused one because "they'd just have to move it anyway". This time I'm going to ask the doctor first and I hope she'll make sure it's better this time. |
|
towngirl
New Member
Joined: March 2010
Posts: 6
|
Post by towngirl on Mar 23, 2010 22:03:20 GMT -5
Last time I had an ekg, I didn't even have to remove my clothing, just unbutton the top of my shirt. That tech needs some sensitivity training.
Don't sweat it, Butterfly. It only takes a few minutes and then you're out of there.
|
|
|
|
Post by Butterfly on Mar 23, 2010 23:30:33 GMT -5
Thanks Towngirl! It's scheduled for tomorrow so maybe I can report back that it was much better this time.
|
|
