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Post by tangledblue on Mar 22, 2010 0:50:49 GMT -5
My house is a disaster -- stuff everywhere, little pathways I must navigate to and fro to get from room to room. Two rooms that are completely unusable.
I don't even want this all this stuff, but I feel so overwhelmed that I can't ever muster up the energy to throw it away.
I feel so alone. Why can't I pull myself out of this?
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Post by moggyfan on Mar 22, 2010 1:15:21 GMT -5
Well, first of all...of course you can! You have come to the right place. We have all been overwhelmed--some of us have moved beyond it and some are still struggling! You will feel right at home here, no matter the state of your home.
The first thing I would suggest is that you NOT try to think of it "all" at once. Instead, look at one small thing that's bothering you AND that will be relatively easy to tackle--the top of a nightstand? The area immediately beside your favorite chair? One shelf in the bathroom or kitchen? Make it something do-able in a relatively short amount of time, and something you'll see often. Maybe once you clear that spot, you can put something pretty on it--a little vase of flowers?
There's a saying a lot of people here use: Motivation follows action. So even when you don't "feel" like doing anything, forcing yourself to do a small bit often spurs you on to do a bit more.
Read and post often. You'll find that no matter how awful you think your house is, lots of us have been there. We're a pretty unshockable bunch ;-)
Welcome!
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Post by lizzie on Mar 22, 2010 2:57:41 GMT -5
Hello Tangledblue, Welcome, you are certainly not alone!! Have a look at Chat, or Listzilla, to get an idea of how other people are encouraging themselves and each other to do little bit by little bit. Do you have rubbish collection/garbage pick up where you are? (Some of the people here don't, which requires more strategising to get rid of stuff.)
Maybe have a look at the photos section, too, some of those before and after photos can be very energising. It really doesn't matter where you start, but you may as well start right where you are sitting in front of your computer - is there any litter or garbage, food wrappers or takeaway food containers that you could put into a small rubbish bag and take outside to your rubbish bin? If there is, do post and say Hey! I threw out my first little bag of rubbish!
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Post by gifted on Mar 22, 2010 3:02:09 GMT -5
Welcome,
You are certainly no longer alone! Now you have a big cheering section!
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Post by mrsmess on Mar 22, 2010 5:21:14 GMT -5
Welcome tangledblue....I'm glad you have joined us. It's a great step forward already that you have joined and also acknowledged that you don't want all the stuff. That overwhelmed feeling, combined depression or other issues that can make you so tired, certainly do make it feel all just too hard. You know the expression 'baby steps'....start out with one tiny step, the next day you might take 2 steps and so forth. I love moggyfan's idea of clearing one small area then putting something there like flowers or something else that you love. You are not alone!
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Post by CrimsonKat on Mar 22, 2010 6:03:29 GMT -5
i agree. you cannot look at the thing as a whole. when i was feeling overwhelmed, especially when i first started, i literally looked at each thing, no matter how small as "one thing". i would pick up one piece of paper and recycle it - one at a time. one small cough drop wrapper into the trash - one at a time. i would even say it out loud to myself as i went - "one thing at a time, one thing at a time." it was my mantra. it also kept me focused and distracted my mind from other thoughts while i worked. low music in the background also helped. the thing that i found made me the most frustrated and paralyzed was that when i picked an area, the mess in it didn't seem to have any reason or category. that drove me nuts. for some areas, i would first categorize things in bags first, then go through each bag, one thing at a time. it made me feel more organized. but watch the temptation to put things in bags and not go through them. you have to make yourself follow through with this or it will just delay the problem. posting on the listzilla board saved me a lot. it is so much easier to post 3 things, no matter how small, do them and report back to the board. those red check mark icons next to the items on my list were so good for my self-esteem and motivation. people here are so supportive! we care and we totally understand what you are feeling. welcome to the board! edited to add: for me, depending on the "one thing", i also had to emotionally process that thing and "let it go". cough drop wrappers were no problem, but an old scrap of paper with a note on it (a trivial note at that) would make me pause for 5 mins to 1 hour to cry over and say goodbye to. so, be kind to yourself. certain things will seem very emotional and you have to let yourself feel it and get through it. in my experience, avoidance of those emotions led to my becoming paralyzed fast. i would, again, sometimes talk to myself. like, "it's okay to recycle this note. i have my husband here. i don't need everything that is in his writing. it's okay to let it go now." i would say things out loud as much as i needed. give myself permission in a kind way to move on.
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Post by mommie4life on Mar 22, 2010 10:47:11 GMT -5
tangledblue that was exactly how I felt when I first started here. Just do one thing today, whether it's picking up one piece and tossing it out or a dozen pieces, each little section does help. Then do the same the next day and the next and eventually you'll feel like you can do it once more. The attempt is the important thing and as it gets cleaner it becomes easier, bit by bit. We each have to let go of stuff in our own time. My husband wanted me to just throw stuff out, but I couldn't do that. It would lead to hours of arguing and nothing getting done. Now I'm doing it on my terms and where I want to get it done, it's a ton easier this way on both of us. And no matter what, if you improve quickly, if you get stuck, if you slip back, just remember we're still here and we've all been there before so we're rooting for you no matter what.
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mamamcd
New Member
Joined: February 2010
Posts: 25
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Post by mamamcd on Mar 22, 2010 11:40:06 GMT -5
You aren't alone as you can see. You can't look at it as a whole without getting overwhelmed - start with one task, be it picking a room, countertop (like someone said) or basket of laundry. My "formula" was/is: 1) garbage out (go into every room with a bag and start pitching stuff that is waste/recycling) and then 2) in whatever space you have, start a pile for donations/keep/maybe and move out as you go....the amount of stuff will go down enough, especially if you move small space by small space (say a countertop or bureau or clothes basket), that you'll be more able to navigate and keep the stuff you do need/want. If you keep the task areas small you'll have successes that will give you the motivation to move on...
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Post by success19 on Mar 22, 2010 13:57:37 GMT -5
Make a list - start with say - a bathroom - have a garbage bag and just start tossing out stuff - no emotional attachments to stuff in the bathroom -- right? Don't think about cleaning - just decluttering.
Pathways - are doors and windows clear? Don't think to much - just toss it or give away - or sell it.
Again the cleaning comes later - now get rid of stuff.
If you need to take pictures of things.
Pictures sometimes help you realize the mess too - I look at pics and think why is all that stuff on the table? (couch, chair, desk).
For me I get surges of energy when I just do it! Don't over think it.
I say - what if - something happened and my dd had to clean it all up?
Is it making me happy?
Good luck!
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Post by Butterfly on Mar 22, 2010 14:13:29 GMT -5
Every time you get up, pick up something that doesn't belong where it is (maybe a piece of trash, or a dirty dish, or laundry, etc.) and take it where it does belong (trash can, sink, closet, etc.) on your way to doing whatever you got up to do. It's hardly any extra effort at all and, if you do this every time you get up, you will start to make a big impact. It's such an easy way to start. I read this advice here - apparently a member, BDG, I think, who has since passed away first posted it.
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Post by Arid on Mar 22, 2010 14:21:13 GMT -5
tangledblue: By coming to this board, you already are on your way to changing your situation! I've got a great, new book called DIGGING OUT. It was written by Michael Tompkins, Ph. D. In this book, the focus is on "harm reduction." Since you describe your home as having only little pathways, thinking in terms of "harm reduction" might be the best way for you to approach things. Rather than thinking so much in terms of sorting, purging, cleaning, or organizing, you might try thinking in terms of "what can I do to make my house safer? What can I do to make the pathway wider? What can I do to reduce the likelihood that something is going to fall over on me? It might be as simple ("simple!" she says-- !!) as moving an empty cardboard box out of a walkway. What you do with the box is entirely your choice. You could move it to another pile; you could break it down for recycling; you could throw it in the trash. In any event, you will have made your walkway wider/clearer, and therefore, it will be safer for you as you move through your home. That's "harm reduction." See? It doesn't always have to be about getting to the point of having a squeaky-clean house. For some of us, just making the house safer to move around in is a legitimate goal. If you choose to go beyond that, so be it. Welcome to the board. Arid
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MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611
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Post by MiSC on Mar 22, 2010 14:22:57 GMT -5
Every time you get up, pick up something that doesn't belong where it is (maybe a piece of trash, or a dirty dish, or laundry, etc.) and take it where it does belong (trash can, sink, closet, etc.) on your way to doing whatever you got up to do. It's hardly any extra effort at all and, if you do this every time you get up, you will start to make a big impact. It's such an easy way to start. I read this advice here - apparently a member, BDG, I think, who has since passed away first posted it. I thought of a silly one the other day: When you're using the microwave, don't stand and wait for it to count down. Use that time to race with the clock and get something done. It works for cups of coffee to defrosting a turkey. Race with that counter.
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Post by tangledblue on Mar 22, 2010 18:22:08 GMT -5
Thanks for the overwhelming show of support. Often I feel like that if other people "knew the real me" (not that I even consider how I live right now the "real me" -- but it is the "observable me" that an outsider would see if I let them into my house) they would pity me, scorn me, or shake their head in disgust.
A year or so ago I had an appointment with the DirecTV guy to upgrade my "old" high-def receiver to the "new" one so it can get the new channels. I wasn't able to get my house clean enough in time, so I literally drove my car into the back yard behind the fence where it was out of sight, and stayed in my house and pretended I wasn't home. I left the old receiver on the doorstep hoping he would just trade it anyway.
He didn't. I canceled the receiver upstairs and just don't watch TV up there now.
I guess I'm telling that story because I've never been able to tell anyone else that before.
I'm so tired of feeling trapped like this in a mess of my own making.
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Post by success19 on Mar 22, 2010 19:06:41 GMT -5
I think many of us have similar issues - I avoid answering the door and phone and dealing with people too - it tends to have a snowball effect.
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Post by moggyfan on Mar 22, 2010 19:09:28 GMT -5
OMG, do you know how many of us have cowered behind a closed door, desperately praying the "visitor" (read: Intruder!) would go away quick? Only practically everyone here, that's how many, ! You are definitely among friends, tangled. See, I think you were fabulously lucky to have enough space in your backyard to drive that car into :-) But starting to dig out from under is incredibly liberating. You will find as you plug away at it that incremental progress will bring you great happiness. My house has been pretty much "desqualored" for awhile now, but the other night I still experienced the thrill of victory after vacuuming up clumps of black Spitty-fur. Wow--a clean rug. Whoo-hoo for me! Post your woes, your progress, your tiny victories, your setbacks....we will cheer you on and buck you up when you need it!
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