ratface
New Member
Joined: March 2010
Posts: 1
|
Post by ratface on Mar 24, 2010 9:08:04 GMT -5
I'm 30. I'm not quite at the level of squalor yet. I hope I never am. But I definitely have a problem with chronic disorganization.
I used to be really neat - counters always bare, floors always washed and polished, shelves always carefully arranged. I was married at 24. My (now ex) husband suffered a psychotic break culminating from untreated depression and anxiety a year later, and left me abruptly. It was very traumatic for me. I stopped caring about how neat the place was, since it was only me living there. And thus things slowly got out of place, and eventually out of hand.
I rarely acquire anything new. I just have a problem now sorting out what I have. I've thrown so much out and given so much away.
My main problem is that I'll start re-organizing something, and no matter how hard I work, it seems like I never get enough done in a day, or do it well enough. Then I get angry and disappointed in myself. That makes me want to avoid it altogether, because every time I try I just wind up hating myself. And if I don't hate myself for that, then I'll hate myself because all my friends are happily married or about to be married, and here I am abandoned and alone, even though I tried my best to make a life for myself. I feel like my life is already over.
I've been seeing a psychiatrist and counselor for several years and am also on antidepressants which have helped a lot. But they can't fix my place up for me. I can't afford to get a professional organizer. My parents have helped me a few times - but I need to take care of it myself. It's not their problem and they've done more than enough to help.
I feel completely useless for not being able to organize like I used to, and I don't know how to get back to that point. I used to be on top of everything, and I'm afraid I'll never be able to find my way back there.
|
|
|
|
Post by breakingfree on Mar 24, 2010 9:58:02 GMT -5
Hi ratface and welcome! I am so glad you found us. We definitely understand and we will be here for you. Geranium is spot-on. Those little things do add up. I can identify with the divorce part. My ex-husband cheated on me and I was devastated. I do not mean to sound trite, truly I don't, but things will get better. Think of all the things you can do now! YOU have control of the remote! You can take a class if you want, you can go out with friends if you want. You can begin a new hobby. If you want to stay up and read you can. Once the heartbreak began subsiding for me, I began to do more and more and I enjoyed my single years. I took that opportunity to desqualor. I did it for ME. After several years of singlehood, I met a wonderful man who loves me for me. He knows I do not cook. He knows I tend to get attached to things. But he has been loving and patient and has taught me so much. The thing is, even if I had not met him, I would have been content because I was happy with just myself and my son (my daughter is grown and lives on her own).
It is not easy and my heart aches for you, but it will get better. In the meantime, do keep posting!
Hugs
|
|
|
|
Post by puppybox on Mar 24, 2010 10:30:40 GMT -5
welcome!
Its too bad what happened with your ex-husband. Its certainly not what you or anyone would have planned.
For me, getting organised started with letting go of the shame of my squalor. (for you disorganisation). Talking about with people here is what helped me do that.
Let me comemnt that it is of course hard for you to organise, how could it not be? You are organising a life you didn't want or plan for, so getting motivation to fix up the situation you do not want to be in (and is not your fault and don't deserve) is naturally hard. You do need to mourn the past and the future that won't be, I think.
That said, this is the right place to help you!
|
|
