|
Post by Script on Apr 7, 2010 8:49:28 GMT -5
there was a long stretch in my life when my Dear Hubby was totally unemployed and I was the sole provider. I worked 1+ jobs full time plus moonlighting. He became the househusband. I never thought DH would work again because of his age. This is what I did to keep myself from feeling too deprived.
I made ONE RULE for myself: "I can buy absolutely positively anything I want for myself [clothes, toiletries], no matter what it is or what it costs. But I have to wait until tomorrow. If I still want the item, then no problem, I will go ahead."
Almost all the time, I changed my mind by the next day.
I made ONE RULE for housewares [bedding, kitchen]: 'buy nothing. period amen'.
I made ONE RULE for food: "buy whatever. time is money . if you see it and we need it or you want it, go ahead." We never cut back on nice meals: very important when I was working insane hours.
I made ONE RULE for DH: "Here is $20 to buy food for supper". I gave him sort-of-an-allowance.
good luck: I currently find on-line shopping MUCH CHEAPER than going into stores.
|
|
|
Post by 60isolderthanithot on Apr 7, 2010 9:53:48 GMT -5
Progress, not perfection! Remember that. Figure that $21 is a lot farther from $150 than alternatives. Enjoy the improvement!
|
|
MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611
|
Post by MiSC on Apr 7, 2010 10:10:15 GMT -5
Progress, not perfection! Remember that. Figure that $21 is a lot farther from $150 than alternatives. Enjoy the improvement! That's the absolution I was looking for. Thanks for the permission.
|
|
|
Post by Chris on Apr 7, 2010 13:07:03 GMT -5
In chapter 9 of Buried in Treasures, Dr. Tolin actually has a large section devoted to the subject of reducing acquiring! One of the first things they ask is for us to track spending and acquiring (something like a food diary only a *stuff* diary I'd say) because we all know we don't need money to get stuff. It's an involved chapter (homework sort of) but it sure helped me. Part of the exercises actually include going to stores (or other places) where one normally acquires simply as an "exercise" in not getting anything. Nothing. "non shopping" is what he calls it. Now I know some of this work is time consuming but over time it can be done and it's amazing what you learn. For me, I had to have a someone go with me AND have the talk ahead of time about what I was doing -- lucky that I have support -- and that way I had help not acquiring. It's part of the desensitizing thing -- just like throwing stuff out only dealing with the aquiring aspect is even more helpful to me because it keeps me from having so much sorting and throwing/donating/wasted money. I've found working with this book has really helped a lot. At first I thought I'd never get time to do what's recommended but little by little I have done it. and been glad of it.
|
|
|
Post by mickey on Apr 7, 2010 15:41:25 GMT -5
we all know we don't need money to get stuff. thank you for saying that. i came into this thread wanting to talk about my favorite place to shop: the curb. especially now that the weather is nice, people put all sorts of wonderful things i don't need on the curb for me to rescue for free. ack. it's helping that i'm bringing all my storage stuff home because now i REALLY KNOW i don't have room for anything, who cares if it's free. i love the tip i saw in this thread and have seen before to have a place for something before you bring it in the house. i'm working on that one. and thanks for the tip on the book, i'm gonna see if the library has it!
|
|
yamecita
New Member
Joined: November 2009
Posts: 18
|
Post by yamecita on Apr 7, 2010 21:47:38 GMT -5
I overshop on ebay and have too many CLOTHES! Part of the problem is I lost more than 80 pounds so I overshop in one size, then the next one, and the next one. I am thinking about visiting a DA meeting.
|
|
|
Post by eatingbonbons on Apr 9, 2010 18:44:39 GMT -5
I allow myself to shop, but then I empty the cart before I take my 2 or 3 items to the check-out. I stop and look at every single item, question myself, and realize how much I don't need it!
|
|
|
Post by success19 on Apr 10, 2010 1:37:22 GMT -5
One technique I use is how many hours did I have to work to buy this item? or will have to work?
Another is - shop in your closet - sometimes we don't know what we really have!
Shopping is not really supposed to be entertainment - but our society has made it seem to be - having stuff has become important - or so we are told.
Look at how some many men (and maybe some women) buy all those fancy tools in the hardware department to use once or twice in lifetime - and just because they need it - but chances are a neighbor or friend has the same thing they could borrow. But our world for the most part is based on owning stuff - lots of stuff.
|
|
|
Post by cosmic1 on Apr 10, 2010 21:28:25 GMT -5
I can be guilty of impulse buying, most definitely. I used to be much worse and got myself in over my head. It was so hard to pay everything off and I, being an all or nothing kind of person in some respects, had to forbid myself anything but the necessities until I was out of debt.
Now, I make myself pay cash for purchases and I have to pay off my credit cards in full every month. So, I find that rule very helpful in keeping myself from going overboard. I also have a budget for the year and track my spending so I don't go over budget.
I still struggle with impulse buying, but I have gotten a lot better. I usually stop myself and ask is this a need or a want? If I can afford the want, then it has to be something I absolutely love and have to have. Lately, I've also been trying to focus on buying high quality items, too. So, with them being more expensive, but so much nicer, that seems to help. For example, clothing. Good quality clothing is much more satisfying to own and it lasts a long time and I think is more economical in the long run.
HTH, Misc, I know how hard it is to control.
|
|
missmaggie
New Member
Joined: March 2009
Posts: 46
|
Post by missmaggie on Apr 11, 2010 11:41:10 GMT -5
OH Darn I understand this one too. Sigh. The one thing I do to help is never get a cart unless I need to get cat litter or cat food. Too heavy for me to carry. So the other day when we went to Walmart. I bought needed things. Rolaids, silicone for my mosaics,and one large plastic spoon I was shopping for that I needed it for my kefir.
With out a cart it gets too hard to carry the stuff around and makes me want to get done shopping fast. That cart to me is one big gaping hole begging to be filled.
Just a thought. Maggie
|
|
MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611
|
Post by MiSC on Apr 11, 2010 12:34:21 GMT -5
I DIDN'T NEED ANY OF IT AND I FORGOT THE MILK!!!! I'm sitting here giggling, and it's at your expense. Expense! Hardy har. I crack me up.
|
|
MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611
|
Post by MiSC on Apr 11, 2010 12:35:59 GMT -5
Guys, I'm reading everything you're writing. Promise. I just can't respond to all of you. Please keep going. I'm reading every word.
|
|
|
Post by success19 on Apr 11, 2010 12:45:34 GMT -5
MiSc - the fact that you posted the original message means you are onto something - an epiphany is happening within you to change this.
I think a shopping addiction is like other addictions in many ways - it becomes a habit - it becomes comfortable - the mind kind of takes over and the person sort of goes into a daze - and after - say why did I do that!
It is similar to overeating or eating the wrong food, having stuff, procrastinating or whatever.
I have never been a smoker - but look at the hard work it takes for people to quit that.
I gave up soft drinks for the most part - it was difficult.
Now I am working on giving up coffee - difficult.
It will take work and the fact that you recognized that you did it - impulse shopping - is the beginning to solve it.
Hugs!!!
|
|
|
Post by woolybooger on Apr 11, 2010 21:40:06 GMT -5
Thats what I do too,I think about how much the item costs and how long did I have to work to earn that amount. One "harmless" way to tame the shopping beast is to put things in wishlists.It weirdly works-it feels like I am shopping but am not spending any money.
|
|
|
Post by eagle on Apr 11, 2010 22:50:33 GMT -5
You guys reminded me of some things. When I was 18, I had a job which paid minimum wage and my husband was earning very little more than that. I worked in a department store and of course saw plenty of clothes and shoes I wanted to buy. But I had to face the reality of our finances and my first thought was how many hours I had to work to buy those shoes. At minimum wage way back then, that was a lot of hours to pay for one pair of shoes!
The habit remained with me for many years, even after I earned a really good wage. Since retiring, however, I don't think in those terms anymore. The money doesn't seem to mean quite the same to me as it did when I was actually putting in the hours at the job. The mind set changes somehow.
|
|