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Post by messycowgirl on Apr 6, 2010 22:52:50 GMT -5
So as I mentioned in my introduction thread, we're both very frustrated. Current situation: We both go to school full-time and I work 5 days a week, about 25-30 hours. He always insists on doing the housecleaning but doesn't really get around to it. In fact, he gets MAD when I try to do something thinking I'm going to blame him for whatever. 1) I've never done that 2) I'd never do that 3) I try to get it into his head that maybe I DO want to clean. He thinks organization is rather silly but appreciates it when I do get something done and we're able to find whatever we need. The problem is my time is very limited and honestly, when I have a day off of both school AND work, I'd rather not be doing housework. Currently the house is messy but not extreme. The problem is piles of papers and disorganized junk we don't need. And doing things on a daily basis such as dishes. I'm trying to figure out a way to organize a cleaning plan that makes it easier for both of us. Should I just give him a to do list and have my own? Do I just do a master to do list? He gives the input of he doesn't care, he'll go along with whatever  I'm just very overwhelmed at the moment  |
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catbiscuit
New Member
Joined: March 2010
Posts: 51
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Post by catbiscuit on Apr 6, 2010 23:06:02 GMT -5
Hey Messycowgirl! The only advice I can offer is that maybe you can sit down with your hubby/partner and draw up a list of jobs and discuss who is responsible for each task and a time frame. For example you might hate to do the washing up but don't mind doing the laundry. Or you can take turns each day to do the dreaded tasks. That way you can share the burden equally and if something doesn't get done then you or he are accountable because you didn't stick to the agreement. Accountability is a very strong motivator - chances are if you promise someone else you will do something you will probably do it because you feel responsible and don't want to let the other person down. But it needs to be fair and mutually acceptable which is why you need his input even though he says he doesn't care. Coz boy he WILL care if you roster him to do the dishes every night  ! And neither of you wants to nag, feel overwhelmed, overburdened, unfair or undervalued etc etc. Communication is the key here, good luck to both of you! Catbiscuit xx |
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Post by success19 on Apr 6, 2010 23:07:55 GMT -5
Wow you have alot on your plate. No pun intended. I was a single parent and was in school and working - and it is tough. First of all school is important and so is work - so when you have a school break - maybe this summer - then go through the junk you don't need first. Then go through papers and toss or file somehow. Dishes - fill the sink with water and wash as you cook - the longer they sit the harder the goo gets on them. Have a together time once a day and both of you can bond while one washes and one dries. The less stuff you have the easier it will be to clean. That includes collections and knick knacks and things that have to be moved to clean. I think since you are working and in school it might help if your hubby was doing his fair share too. I would say the dishes need to be washed each day, trash needs to go out frequently and the laundry can't pile up longer than 2 weeks. The bathrooms probably need a scrub once a week and the floors swept of vacummed. If you have yardwork that has to be done too. I think once you have time to clean out the excess it will get easier. Sure you could even make a chore chart for each day of the week for each of you too. Welcome!! |
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Post by dtesposito on Apr 7, 2010 9:12:37 GMT -5
I think a chore chart is a great idea, on a dry erase board or bulletin board that is up on a wall and visible. Come up with a list of the minimum that you both agree should be done for each day of the week, and write the jobs on the chart, but with no names. Then, if you get home at night and things on that list aren't done, and you try do them, it'll be very clear that you're doing them because no one else did!
A chart by day is a good reminder because as we all know, if we don't have deadlines it's easy to just keep thinking you'll get around to eventually. If the end of the day comes and the stuff isn't done it makes the procrastination obvious without you having to nag about it.
You are right, your little bit of free time is precious and you should be spending it doing something restful and rejuvenating.
Diane
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Post by puppybox on Apr 7, 2010 15:01:42 GMT -5
sounds to me that he gets mad because he intends to clean, means to lift your burden by making sure you don't have to do it, but never gets to it in time for you. (he's mad because he feels guilty now that you had to do too much).
either he's like me and would put it off for years, or he would jsut do it later than your comfort level dictates. sounds to me like if you draft a plan he would probably be open to it. ask him for his input/suggested changes. then post it so he is reminded to do it. (ask him where he wants you to post it so its not a nag).
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Post by Fivecat on Apr 7, 2010 15:20:38 GMT -5
hi messy cg  didn't you used to be a regular at SS a few years back? If so, welcome back! i'm so glad to see you again! if not, then welcome, we're glad to have you Fivecat |
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Post by messycowgirl on Apr 9, 2010 23:15:38 GMT -5
Yes, Fivecat. It's me The dry erase board is a good idea. I'll come back and post more when I have time. I'm exhausted from work :/ |
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