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Post by splendidcakes on Feb 3, 2014 18:32:05 GMT -5
"If you don't change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?" - Douglas Adams Wasn't Douglas Adams wonderful ?
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Post by disorganizeddragon on Feb 4, 2014 0:53:05 GMT -5
"When you allow the wrong people in your house, stuff will come up missing, things like Joy, Peace, Love, Hope, Faith. Yes, people can steal these things--don't let them"--Unknown
"You cannot hang out with negative people and expect to live a positive life."--Joel Osteen
"Our lives are changed by surrounding ourselves with people who are changing their lives."--Eric Parrott A big thank you to tiggy, immaculata, and toomuchstuph for the marvelous quote contributions and another round of thanks to everyone else for all the comments and insights about the various quotes. (I can't decide whether to be sad that so many of our members have obviously had to deal with toxic people or glad that so many people are sharing such great contributions on the thread. I obviously need to ponder this over a few cookies... )
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Feb 4, 2014 11:31:19 GMT -5
"When you allow the wrong people in your house, stuff will come up missing, things like Joy, Peace, Love, Hope, Faith. Yes, people can steal these things--don't let them"--Unknown
Oh that's a great quote!
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Post by messymimi on Feb 4, 2014 15:53:26 GMT -5
“Our happiness is completely and utterly intertwined with other people: family and friends and neighbors and the woman you hardly notice who cleans your office. Happiness is not a noun or verb. It's a conjunction. Connective tissue.” ~ Eric Weiner, The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World
This is why we must set boundaries in our relationships. Happiness is intertwined within our relationships.
messymimi
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Post by sue5000 on Feb 4, 2014 16:07:27 GMT -5
"We secure our friends not by accepting favors, but by doing them. So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you."
Matthew 7:12
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Post by charis on Feb 4, 2014 16:31:29 GMT -5
“Why should I cumber myself with regrets that the receiver is not capacious? It never troubles the sun that some of his rays fall wide and vain into ungrateful space, and only a small part on the reflecting planet. Let your greatness educate the crude and cold companion.” ? Ralph Waldo Emerson
“The foundation of adult trust is not "You will never hurt me." It is "I trust myself with whatever you do.” ? David Richo
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Post by disorganizeddragon on Feb 4, 2014 23:41:02 GMT -5
"The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say 'no'--they may not be smart enough to say 'yes.'"--Keith Olbermann
"How to deal with negative people: 1. Ignore. 2. Ignore. 3. Ignore."--Unknown Hi, sue5000 and charis! Thank you so much for the wonderful verse and quotes! (I'm taking that Emerson quote to work tomorrow where it will be changed to something about "letting our greatness educate our crude and cold clients." )
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Post by messymimi on Feb 5, 2014 7:08:30 GMT -5
“Never lose sleep over someone who is not worth staying awake for.” ~ Habeeb Akande
Sue, that's a good reminder. Sometimes it's very hard to implement, especially if the way we need to love them is hard for that person to accept.
messymimi
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Post by puppybox on Feb 5, 2014 9:43:57 GMT -5
"We secure our friends not by accepting favors, but by doing them. So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you." Matthew 7:12 I have found this not to be true. I have found that in many cases, if you do people a favour, they will expect more favours. And If people do me lots of favours I will value the favours less because those people just seem to like to do them. I don't believe this is true, its a mistake I've caught myself doing and am trying to correct. but it seems like in relationships there is MOST often a giver-recipient dynamic. An equal balance would be best. But, you have to have 2 people of character and emotional health for that. And strong people don't need favours. And they might even be suspicious of your doing things for them, if you aren't yet friends. AND they are unlikely to help you out unless they perceive you to be needy in some way. And then they don't want to be friends with someone needy. So, if they are inclined to help you, its because they do not plan of being your friend.
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Post by Di on Feb 5, 2014 11:03:57 GMT -5
“It makes no sense to try to extend a friendship that was only meant to be a season into a lifetime.” ? Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass
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Post by def6 on Feb 5, 2014 12:47:29 GMT -5
The Golden Rule Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
What this means to me:
In life, we should have the ability to do a mirror reflection in the case of someone else. (Sorry, I know that makes no sense)
Let me try to explain myself here:
In every action we should consider how it effects others. We should ask ourselves, How would I feel if XYZ happened to me. The same can also be applied to our pets. When I was little... I also applied this rule to inanimate objects such as my dolls.
(which might be the reason why I hold on to things longer than norm. ….but anyhoo)
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Post by splendidcakes on Feb 5, 2014 13:07:57 GMT -5
I would add to the Golden Rule discussion- puppybox- what you're describing (and most of us do it, I bet) is more like enabling than "doing unto others". In fact I would suggest looking at the concept from a different angle, or more deeply, perhaps- see that too many favors are unhealthy for a given person and pull back- just as we don't want to be enabled, yes? Also, doing unto others really isn't doing favors in a negative sense. For example, treating me justly and kindly isn't doing me a favor- it's doing the right thing, plain and simple. That's never being a pushover. If I walk away from a toxic relationship, I'm doing the right thing for me and the toxic person. I'm not giving him or her an easy target any longer.
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Post by def6 on Feb 5, 2014 19:30:46 GMT -5
Rumination is: constantly thinking about distressing things in your past. I have fallen victim to this myself. Almost like worry, except worry is about the future. They are both connected with Anxiety. Sometimes we go over and over what people have said and done to us wrongly.
We have all been hurt by others. We need to stop hurting and let the healing begin. Yes, set the incorrect behavior strait, form healthy boundaries, forgive and Live. When the laundry list of faults comes up of someone else's…. make sure you have handy your own laundry list of faults.
(Disclaimer: I am not talking about extreme abuses)
Whatsoever things are good…dwell on these things. paraphrased from the Bible
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Post by disorganizeddragon on Feb 5, 2014 20:04:02 GMT -5
“It can be difficult to leave a long-term relationship, even when our inner wisdom tells us it's time to let go. At this point, we can choose let go and endure the intense pain of leaving behind the familiar to make way for a new chapter in our life. Or we can stay and suffer a low-grade pain that slowly eats away at our heart and soul, like an emotional cancer, until we wake up one day and realize we are buried so deep in the dysfunction of the relationship that we scarcely remember who we were and what we wanted and needed to be.”--Jaeda DeWalt
"Don't let someone change who you are to become what they need."--Unknown
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Post by messymimi on Feb 6, 2014 7:27:29 GMT -5
“Most women got this thing called compassion. It doesn't make them foolish, just more forgiving. More capable of trying and hoping things worked out.” ~ Eric Jerome Dickey, Cheaters
Compassion, wrongly placed, is a lot, i think, like love wrongly expressed. In this discussion about the Golden Rule, it's becoming clearer than ever to me that love means doing what is best for the other, not necessarily what makes you, or the other person, feel the best. My kids didn't feel the best when i made them get their inoculations, but i made them get the shots anyway. A toxic person doesn't "feel happy" when you set a firm boundary or love them well by calling them out on behavior, but it is truly the most loving thing you can do for the person, to not let him/her get away with it. Even the Bible is clear that we should call out sin or evil for what it is.
messymimi
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