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Post by stressedbythemess on Jul 23, 2008 23:25:37 GMT -5
Not at anyone in particular (partially at me), but otherwise i'm just ANGRY at the mess. Sometimes my anger turns into cleaning sprees, but not this time. I'm just angry at it for chewing up so much of my time to try to tackle and constantly creeping in where I've made progress.
And then I resent it, so I don't do anything about it (I haven't made real progress in a couple days, things haven't gone tottally to pot but they will if I dont shape up and I know it- but I resent having to shape up right now).
I've spent at least good chucnks if not all of every weekend in July trying to organize something that needed it, clean something up, or whatever. And a good many of the weekdays when my brain wasn't scrambled toast from work.
And I don't know where to go from here - emotionally at least. I mean, 15 minute timers may be a good thought, and some other practical cleaning things, but I don't know how to quit being so pissed off and resentful about it now.
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Post by creativechaos on Jul 24, 2008 0:00:19 GMT -5
SBTM, I can really relate to the feelings you share in your post. I'm right where you are too, procrastinating and backsliding on all forward progress. It's as if something in my brain can't learn good habits and maintenance. I feel lots of resentment, but more I feel hopelessness, depressed, overwhelmed, and like giving up the fight and fleeing my life situation. People who have recovered and made lasting changes say they have had to work on awareness and changing their thinking. they had to be mindful and they had to keep working at it no matter what, until new habits emerged and stuck. and even then, there is the tendency to regress back into old habits. I look at all my own avoidance strategies (like helping everyone else out; as Westside said so well above), to avoid dealing with my own mess. i don't have any answers, but know a cognitive approach has to be a big part of my recovery. I am thinking about working with some books. I certainly have hoarded many books on hoarding and on organizing,  ! I live in a very small population base, and need support. This group fills some of that, and I am in a hoarding group too. It needs to be an inside job, although acting into a new way of thinking is certainly a big part of it. Just want you to know I hear you and we all understand this place.Tthis group is my greatest help and support. working in threes seems to be the best forum for me; still, I do an awful lot of churning and just have to keep on trying and working in baby steps anyway. WITs makes me at least feel as though I am getting somewhere. hugs! |
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spacemaker
New Member
Space (where I can see carpet), the final frontier
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 88
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Post by spacemaker on Jul 24, 2008 0:14:29 GMT -5
Hugs to you stressedbythemess.
Directing the anger into cleaning energy is great, when you can do it.
Also be careful with anger, I am somewhat convinced we are never truly angry with anyone/anything but ourselves. I think many times when we feel anger toward someone or something, underneath we really are blaming ourselves for allowing a given thing to have happened, even when we had no control over the situation. Believing, on some level, that we did somehow have "the power" and could have stopped it at least allows us the illusion that we do/did have control. (Everybody feel free to discuss this point, it is one of those philosophies that swims around in my head, but I have never really decided if it the truth or not....)
Wherever you end up with it, I hope you are back on track and feeling good again soon.
XO,
SpaceMaker
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jul 24, 2008 2:22:57 GMT -5
I look at all my own avoidance strategies (like helping everyone else out; as Westside said so well above), to avoid dealing with my own mess. I was confused at first, but then I found WestsideStory's post. It was one of her posts on page 2 of this thread: takeonestepatatime.proboards80.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=action&thread=1012&page=2I'm nodding here. I do the same thing. I would much rather help another person than clean my toilet.  Apparently one of my other "avoidance strategies -- things done to avoid dealing with my own mess" is looking up other posts! Sigh. - |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jul 24, 2008 2:28:39 GMT -5
People who have recovered and made lasting changes say they have had to work on awareness and changing their thinking. they had to be mindful and they had to keep working at it no matter what, until new habits emerged and stuck. and even then, there is the tendency to regress back into old habits. Yup. That was/is true for me. - |
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Post by CourageouslyLion SeeksSerenity on Jul 24, 2008 2:50:28 GMT -5
Not at anyone in particular (partially at me), but otherwise i'm just ANGRY at the mess. Sometimes my anger turns into cleaning sprees, but not this time. I'm just angry at it for chewing up so much of my time to try to tackle and constantly creeping in where I've made progress.
And then I resent it, so I don't do anything about it (I haven't made real progress in a couple days, things haven't gone tottally to pot but they will if I dont shape up and I know it- but I resent having to shape up right now).
I've spent at least good chucnks if not all of every weekend in July trying to organize something that needed it, clean something up, or whatever. And a good many of the weekdays when my brain wasn't scrambled toast from work.
And I don't know where to go from here - emotionally at least. I mean, 15 minute timers may be a good thought, and some other practical cleaning things, but I don't know how to quit being so pissed off and resentful about it now. I know how you feel. I struggle with resenting new daily mess, as well as resenting my accumulated squalor. I feel mad at both, even though the mess is of my own creation. Margaret (margaret56) used to post lovely wise things about this topic. Sometimes her advice was so down-to-earth that I would feel uncomfortable -- that is to say, I would recognize the TRUTH in what she said. That the mess wasn't going to go away by itself and that it's up to us to deal with it, even if we don't think we want to. But she said it far more eloquently than that. I didn't always like reading her hard truths, but they really helped me. I consider her a mentor. Kitrin said something along those lines lately, that really made me think. Kitrin's post is the opening post on this thread: takeonestepatatime.proboards80.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=general&thread=904I do resent having to clean my house after work. I do want to just relax and have "me time". But then I never get up from the chair/couch. It's taking me a while to realize that "me time" can be "making my home nice for myself". That's so opposite to everything I've ever thought/felt, so it's taking me a while to grasp the concept. Procrastinators have a tendency to focus on short-term pleasure, and shut out awareness of long-term consequences. As I have those tendencies, I try to focus on anticipating the "Long-Term Pleasure" of having a nice home. Not easy, but I work on it. - |
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Post by stressedbythemess on Jul 24, 2008 7:12:48 GMT -5
Thank you guys, you hit the nail on the head a lot and there's a few things here I need to chew over while getting back into cleaning swing.
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Post by bluefrog on Jul 24, 2008 8:56:46 GMT -5
For the several people here who have mentioned resenting their messes to the point of anger/inaction, I don't remember where I found this bit of advice, and I don't always succeed---but I try to live by it, and it helps:
"Spending your time resenting someone(/thing) is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die."
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Post by pegasus48 on Jul 24, 2008 13:01:24 GMT -5
Stressedbythemess, thank you for starting this thread. Somedays I am ok with cleaning and decluttering. Other days I feel just as resentful as you have recently. I have been trying to think of ways to reward myself (other than food--can't go there) for diligence, but some of my favorite things, like books, take me away from what I should be doing. (I can hide in books for hours at a time.) Sending you good vibes  |
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Post by artsygal on Jul 24, 2008 14:28:16 GMT -5
Stressedbythemess, thank you so much for sharing and starting this post!!! I'm right where you are at this point, frustrated, angry, and sitting on the pity pot instead of cleaning it. My first instinct was to not even reply to this thread (not for anything that you all wrote , guided or supported) because I didn't want to look at myself and admit that I've been really struggling lately. A wise person once told me that anger is depression directed outward and depression is anger directed inward, either way, it's toxic and doesn't do any good ever. I've observed in the past, that I tend to fit into the latter. I also have been in the mindset of if I can't finish it now, then I'm not going to do it at all ---> very bratty I've been! Well not moving forward, no matter what it is, is such a viscous cycle for me, that toxic energy just thrives on that and makes me more angry/depressed. I know what i have to do, just keep plugging away no matter what, or as a dear friend of mine would say "fake it until you make it" or as I've heard here "motivation follows action". Sometimes I despise those sayings because they are so true and simple, sometimes I feel more comfortable complicating simple things <---- my form of procrastination. The thing I have to remember is even if I've been backsliding lately, I'm not where I was before I became part of SOS. I have hope, support, understanding, and encouragement. Most importantly I know I'm not alone in this. That truly is a gift. So thank you all for this thread, it's exactly what I needed today!  best always, artsy |
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Post by heylady1 on Jul 24, 2008 14:31:32 GMT -5
I've felt that way too. Angry and resentful that it all fell on me, and then I read this: takeonestepatatime.proboards80.com/index.cgi?board=intro&action=display&thread=123Fivecats post (I first read this over at Squalor Survivors) and in it she says; And that's when I realised that it was up to me to keep up with things, and no one else was going to help. That's when the resentment finally left my life. A big THANKS to Fivecat- I never would have gotten past that without her!!!  |
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