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Post by roseoftexas on Jul 25, 2008 17:42:15 GMT -5
Rose,
I was wondering if you can recall any instances in your life where you had only yourself to please... When I was 18 and moved out (of my parents' house) 2 weeks after high school graduation... I moved in with my older brother for about 6 months. I wasn't worrying about pleasing him. I was glad to finally be out of the house, and I believe I cared less than (than I do know) about what my parents think. I was more confident then in my ability to go out and make my own way in the world. And much more confident in my ability to do so and please my parents by doing so. Much more confident than I am now. (I didn't know any better!) I'm part of the "boomerang generation". We returned to the nest in our late 20s to early 30s (for me, age 30 - now 32) after trying to make our way in the world and screwing up one or more times. They even made a PBS special about us.
(I swear! I'm not making it up!  )
Edit: I just read the Wikipedia entry for Boomerang generation and some related material. Reading such crap doesn't generally help to raise one's already low opinion of themself. 
I place a high value on being independent of my parents.
And I would make the point that I did manage on my own (somewhat awkwardly, but on my own nonetheless) for 12 years before coming back here.
This whole part of my post makes me feel a lot of shame. 
I really want to delete it.
For the sake of trying to help myself and/or maybe help others too, I guess I will leave it in my post. <really embarrassed>
Are there any areas where you feel you have only yourself to please? Perhaps that would be a good place to start and give you confidence to do "well enough" in other areas.
My car. My parents live in the country and are subsequently unable to keep their vehicles clean (from all the dust and dirt). So they don't place a high value on keeping one's car clean. My car is not that dirty. Definitely not cluttered. But yeah. I'm not looking to please anybody but me when it comes to my car. |
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Post by heylady1 on Jul 25, 2008 18:01:56 GMT -5
I wasn't going to post anything in this thread because I didn't think I could relate to it very much. If you were to meet me in person, you might think that I'd have low self esteem - I'm overweight, have greying hair, no makeup ever, and no fashion sense at all. Half the time I don't wear my false teeth either! At 5' 9" I'm too tall for a woman. Always been more of a tomboy. And yet I think I am "good enough"....frankly I really don't care what the general public thinks of me...they don't know me and I don't know them. And the people whose opinion I do care about, know me well enough to know what kind of person I am rather than what I look like. And if they find fault with me, that's okay too because you know what? Everyone on this planet has faults. Every single person. I'm okay with myself as I am now. It's taken me a long time to become comfortable with my own skin and that's okay too. So I'll say it Rose - - - you're "good enough" girl!!!  There is nothing wrong with you. So what if you're not perfect...heck, who wants to be perfect anyway?? If you were, nobody and I do mean nobody would want to be your friend!!! I've been reading your posts for a long time (I lurked over at SS), and you have always inspired me. I do believe in my heart that you are a good person, and that's good enough for me!  |
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Post by roseoftexas on Jul 25, 2008 18:08:13 GMT -5
...All that just to say ---- You are not alone. I think that is why many of us are here --- to heal our feelings of unworthiness. And taking small steps, no matter how small -- to solve our clutter and squalor problems and other problems is a big deal which we can all support one another with. So here is a hug  and I hope you know that you are not the only one who struggles with this. Thank you. I didn't think of it in that way but I would absolutely have to agree - I do want to heal! And I do want to stop feeling unworthy! I guess that is what has given me the courage (or maybe the "bubbling to the top" sense of frustration) to post this because when the old SS forum was closing and I had not made very much progress after being there for 18 months, I almost just wanted to walk away. I felt like a failure. But the hunger for healing is still very much alive and well in me. The hunger to move forward and to not let myself become stagnant in this situation like messymimi described - it's very much there. Today, I don't feel like a failure. I don't feel 'resigned' to accepting this as 'my lot in life'. I feel determined - for the first time in a very long time!  And btw...I keep wanting to tell you that I have a charcoal grey kitty cat too!  |
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Post by roseoftexas on Jul 25, 2008 18:31:19 GMT -5
I'm where you are, asking the same questions, feeling the pain of not being able or willing to make big enough changes to de-hoard and stay that way... It is painful! Because if one can't find that ability - that motivation...it really is a truly frustrating thing. I know. I know. Motivation follows action. Still. One finds themself having this or that experience or learning this or that information and still not changing and you begin thinking...is there really anything that is ever going to motivate me enough to really change?? ...It takes a tremendous amount of work on recognizing what we're thinking, and then knowing how to ask ourselves the right questions so we can see our way out; over and over again, day by day, thought by thought. Sometimes I wonder if I will make it into a happier life. But I've got to keep trying, and I hope you will too. By getting to the root of it and by then challenging these thoughts, we CAN make it through, and we will! [/i][/quote] (Italics mine)I agree!  |
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Post by roseoftexas on Jul 25, 2008 18:39:23 GMT -5
Thank you. So very much. |
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Post by glowworm on Jul 25, 2008 19:48:12 GMT -5
(((((RoseOfTexas))))) |
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