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Post by fluffernut - now Jannie on Jul 2, 2010 8:56:20 GMT -5
I had a terrible moment when our Satellite TV went out and we needed to call in a repairman. Our satellite box was at the back of our garage.; I had to pull ALL the clutter out of our garge so he cou;ld get in. I piled it in the driveway where everyone could see. An antique mirror given to us by my Mother In Law tipped over and smashed. (That part I actually enjoyed. I hated her and her gifts.) I was mortified. But I just put it all back in the garage after he left. And it's still there.
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Post by HFH on Jul 2, 2010 11:03:45 GMT -5
That my teen gets away with emotionally and verbally abusing me because he threatens to reveal our mess and have his siblings taken away whenever he wants something.
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MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611 
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Post by MiSC on Jul 3, 2010 9:39:19 GMT -5
That my teen gets away with emotionally and verbally abusing me because he threatens to reveal our mess and have his siblings taken away whenever he wants something. Oh my God! hfh! That's horrible! I'm so sorry that's happening to you! |
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Post by mallery on Jul 3, 2010 10:40:43 GMT -5
What a sad state of affairs for so many of us, but I'm glad I read this thread.
I think for me it's that I can't have company. I've been on my little farm almost 9 years, and I'd love to invite my BFF over for a lunch, or my sisters and their kids for a pony ride and cookout. Maybe some day......
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sam
New Member
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Posts: 9
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Post by sam on Jul 3, 2010 15:41:44 GMT -5
Well, I guess I would say right now because I want to move, and it is hindering me... It isn't the only thing, but it is big.
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Post by mrsmess on Jul 4, 2010 7:20:40 GMT -5
The worst that has happened to me, besides not being able to have friends over, is losing important documents, paperwork and cheques.. due to my chaotic mess, and the accompanying panic and self hatred I feel when this happens.  |
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Post by mrsmess on Jul 4, 2010 7:22:18 GMT -5
I can't talk about it easily. I still feel very bitter and sad and angry against myself. Three years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. A type of cancer which could have been very easily detected, and where prevention is fundamental. Procrastination is what characterizes myself. Always. I didn't open my mail, I only did things when people around me would nag, I did procrastinate or forget about medical appointments, check ups, financial papers, whatever. I dont' know: maybe I didn't mind, I didn't want to know, and I would become immediately despondent when someone would remind me of some of my duties. Bizarrely I began decluttering my house some months before being diagnosed: I just felt I had to get rid of as much as I could, particularly sentimental items, and to get my things almost in order. I think that has been the first time I wasn't procrastinating something. ... Anyway, when last year I implemented a filing system for papers and documents and medical records, I discovered an unopened envelope: an appointment for a medical check up in a prevention campaign against this kind of cancer. From some years ago. I still have to deal with it. It is the only unopened envelope I've filed. I'm saving it, still unopened, as a constant reminder. Because my tendency to procrastinate is still there, intact.  |
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Post by Script on Jul 4, 2010 8:13:58 GMT -5
What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you because of .... how squalor has hurt me: My family owned a half-decent inner city commercial building where we ran our family business, started by my grandfather, inherited through my dad. 3 of us worked there: me, my sister, my brother. My sister's husband was the manager. After a family dispute [1986] we sold the business to my sister; appraised value from an accountant. We 'sweetened the pot' by each chipping in personally $25,000 to my sister's then-husband, so that he could also have a legal share. We then rented the building to my sister for what was a laughably low rate of rent. For years and years I argued blue in my face with my mother about this rent. She wanted to keep peace, and kept telling me just to stay quiet. In 2001, my sister asked her siblings for a loan against the building so that she could buy her now ex-husband out of his legal share. At this point, the rent issue [which had tortured me for 15 years] came out. THE SH*T HIT THE FAN big time. The lawyers we consulted were beyond appalled. After nearly a year, we finally decided, after horrible scenes, to sell the building and split the profits. My sister moved out; she would not accept help from anyone. More months and months: of the most ghastly real estate humiliation imaginable: we sold the property. When the building was sold, the agent brought in consultants to help us decide how to clean it for the new owners. I overheard one of them say, "What kind of animals were the tenants?" It cost us $5000 just to toss the garbages............... My family: we were the owners and tenants. 18,000 square feet of 3rd and 4th degree squalor. Rotting food everywhere. Dead animals. Live animals. Walls smashed. My brother said it looked like The Terminator had walked through the fourth floor. Probably drug paraphernalia too. Virtually all windows broken. I WAS THE PRESIDENT OF THIS COMPANY: ultimately responsible, legally and ethically. The building was uninsurable. We managed to 'piggyback' theh property into a commercial policy owned by a helpful in-law. There were insurance violations up the wazoo. Unscrupulous actions by my sister's family. And on and on. My health was affected...... I estimate that my brother and I lost about one million dollars EACH over a 25 year period because of the various shenanigans, including out-and-out theft [to support drug and gambling problems in my sister's family]. We recouped about $300,000 each. So.............that means a net loss of $1,400,000 between my brother and I. My brother's mental health suffered; he never worked again after being forced to leave the family business in 1986...He has a serious congenital hearing impairment [Treacher Collins syndrome: very rare: warning to anyone who Googles this: graphic horrible pix; my brother's condition is moderate, not mild, about in the middle. The kids pictured at various web-sites look exactly like him, but his facial deformities have softened as he has aged.] www.treachercollins.org/tcs/Faces_of_TCS.htmlMy home deteriorated to a huge degree [rotting roof, kitchen deterioration] because I no longer had any financial security. I started my own business when I had to leave the family business. When I worked with the family, I received a weekly pay cheque, and had job security. I have never had ANY work benefits; pensions, extended health. NOTHING. When I found Squalor Survivors, I was mesmerized by the photos. The pictures were EXACTLY like our building, except we had squalor on a commercial scale, far far more of it......if you could believe it. 4 floors plus basement: the agents said that the cellar was right out of Silence of the Lambs. When I got my share of the sale proceeds, I started working to restore my run-down home. I got my own finances more-or-less in order. I have fixed, cleaned, tossed, repaired, renewed, replaced: as much as humanly possible. 5.5 years of HOPE. Plus, seeing that other people have had problems, I have been able to be more forgiving to my sister and her family. |
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Post by lizziejeen on Jul 4, 2010 13:58:55 GMT -5
That my teen gets away with emotionally and verbally abusing me because he threatens to reveal our mess and have his siblings taken away whenever he wants something. Oh that sucks! |
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Post by uualto1973 on Jul 5, 2010 12:49:54 GMT -5
The one big thing I think about was when my daughter was sleeping in my bed - which she does occasionally - for the first few hours of the night (she's 7 now).
Daddy came in later at night to carry her into her own bed, and he slipped on his way out of the bedroom on something - blankets? dirty laundry? magazines? Who knows. But he fell while he was holding her. Amazingly, he was careful enough to keep holding her and shield her from hitting her head on the bed or the floor. She woke up with barely a bump, but he had a badly sprained wrist and bruised up shoulder.
Then there are the many things that others have mentioned.... not getting appliances repaired because it would mean having someone in the house; paying late fees or fines because of neglected mail; having to come up with more and more creative excuses why you can't have people over.
Mostly for me, it's the loneliness and shame.
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Post by mrsmess on Jul 5, 2010 23:33:55 GMT -5
That my teen gets away with emotionally and verbally abusing me because he threatens to reveal our mess and have his siblings taken away whenever he wants something.  |
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MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611
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Post by MiSC on Jul 6, 2010 13:24:07 GMT -5
Script, I just read your post. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. But I have to say that I'm in awe of your strength and your ability to maintain your sanity and keep your priorities straight through all of that.
Where is your sister now?
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musey85
New Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 96
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Post by musey85 on Jul 6, 2010 13:33:54 GMT -5
Recently my little sister - all of 15 years old and a completely different and scary person now - asked if she could sleep over at my house...I had to tell her no, because the guest room is filled up, and there's nowhere else for her to sleep. She told me that's fine, but I could hear the disappointment in her voice. I found out later from her that she snuck out that night with her friends and "found something to do"...probably involving weed and alcohol. When she could have been safely at my home, watching a movie with me and catching up. This has been happening more and more, and even if it was only an opportunity to keep her from things that may harm her for one night, it would have been worth it. And I threw it away, because I'm too godd*** *** to clean. I'm sorry, I know I sound bitter and unfair, but I'm so ANGRY at myself. It breaks my heart  |
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MiSC
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,611
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Post by MiSC on Jul 6, 2010 14:17:04 GMT -5
I found out later from her that she snuck out that night with her friends and "found something to do"...probably involving weed and alcohol. When she could have been safely at my home, watching a movie with me and catching up. This has been happening more and more, and even if it was only an opportunity to keep her from things that may harm her for one night, it would have been worth it. And I threw it away, because I'm too godd*** *** to clean. This is me, and you've spelled out my biggest fear -- that the boys will have to go elsewhere for their fun and relaxation because their friends aren't "welcome" here. If they only knew how welcome they'd be, if.... Out of my eye and my care, who knows what they'll get into? They're good little guys, don't get me wrong. They're not troublemakers. But they're only little boys right now. I remember what school was like. I know what I did and who I did it with, all because I wasn't welcome at my Dad's place. My mom lived in another state at the time, and there was noplace at my grandma's to take people in, make 'em kick their shoes off, give 'em a Coke, and just sit down and watch tv. And now I'm about to be pushing my kids out the door too. *** it. musey85, are you on the boards at any particular time? Maybe, since you and I are struggling with the same fears (and uualto1973 too?) could back each other up on some cleaning? This fear wafts in and out of my head right now, but that's because they're little. Someday it'll be a different story. |
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Post by Script on Jul 6, 2010 14:42:03 GMT -5
Where is your sister now? *before we were actually able to sell the building of which she was the tenant, the real estate people told us she was the most difficult client they had ever had *they asked to be relieved of the contract, even though they stood to make thousands of dollars in commissions *my family collectively BEGGED agents into continuing, and the building was eventually sold *the deterioration was frightful: we lost SO MUCH MONEY as the building 'didn't show well': maybe $1 million less than we expected? When my brother and I were obliged to enter the vacant building, to inspect damages, we were afraid. Literally, physically afraid. My brother and I walked HAND IN HAND together in the cellar as we were both so frightened. The rotting food garbage was about a foot thick in places. I had to clean a bathroom [fourth degree?] myself so that there would be some place we could use when dealing with the agents. My sister the tenant was outraged on many fronts and for many reasons. She wanted her siblings to give MORE money to her ex-husband; we refused. She and her children then announced they would never speak to us again; they made scenes in public; they carried on like madwomen. My sister moved her business to a much nicer building. 5+ years ago? But that's NOT the end of the story. Time has passed. Now, my sister and family will speak to us, not initiating much social contact, but there is much more politeness. We are able to have family Christmas and birthdays together. In fact, they came here for Easter. Thank you Lord of Patience and Perseverance........... HOWEVER: my sister's hates her new landlord. "He's mean". She pays significantly more to him for less space than she rented from us. She is hoping to move her business again. I will say one thing for my brother and I: we lost huge amounts of money over a very long period of time, but are not particularly bitter. But both of us were physically and mentally disturbed by the varying degrees of squalor with which we had to deal [financial, physical, various kinds of dirty business]. One day, when my brother had to inform me of a particularly nasty situation, I started to cry [shriek! rant! rave!----I scared The Pooch]. But time passes............. thank you for giving me a chance to write this story, very healing. |
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