|
|
Post by amberwind on Jun 23, 2010 11:34:40 GMT -5
As I've said elsewhere here, my husband is a bit of a hoarder, and I'm just bad about cleaning. Last night, he was listening to old songs on YouTube, and said, "Hey, I have that exact 45!"
He started digging through the boxes in front of the bookshelves, then turns to me and asks where the box full of records went.
Well, I honestly don't quite remember. I know we got rid of it about 3 years ago during one of my frantic cleaning phases because it was very heavy and very in the way, and we had mutually decided there was nothing in there we wanted or needed because we don't have a record player. But I don't remember whether we gave it back to his mother, gave it to charity, or simply threw it out.
I explained all this to him, and he got that look I know so very well - the pout that says he's going to try and hunt down what he thinks is missing, as soon as I'm not paying attention. At the very least he's going to call his mom and ask if we gave the records back to her.
Anyone have any ideas how I can convince him that he really, really doesn't need to get these records back, since our original reasoning for getting rid of them is still there?
|
|
|
|
Post by Arid on Jun 23, 2010 13:08:59 GMT -5
H-m-m-m. . . well, you can mention the obvious to him. Any time that he wants to hear that particular record again, he can listen to it via YouTube! After all, he couldn't play the record if he found it--you STILL don't have a record player that can do the job.
Tell him that it was very nice that he had the record when it was new and the "cool" thing to have. These days, though, YouTube works just fine!
Arid
P.S. I don't mean to make light of his feelings. He IS going to grieve the loss of his records, but your need for a safe, tidy home is great. A.
|
|
|
|
Post by slothzilla on Jun 23, 2010 13:21:29 GMT -5
Somebody gave me a box of 45s nine years ago, and I forgot I even had them until a couple of weeks ago, when I was cleaning out my mini-warehouse.
These 45s were all from the 1960s, and a lot of them are classic songs (almost all of the Beatles hits, going back to 'Love Me Do'). I took my favorite 30 or so, and hung them on a large blind on my kitchen door, and they look really cool.
I'm going to get rid of the rest, even though there's some good stuff still in the box, I've got no use for them...and I've got a turntable!
45s are a pain to play because you have to put the little spindle adapter in the middle, and then the song only lasts 3 minutes, and then its time to change it. CDs are waaaay less trouble, and now iPods make playing cds seem like a lot of trouble!
|
|
|
|
Post by amberwind on Jun 23, 2010 13:37:42 GMT -5
Tell him that it was very nice that he had the record when it was new and the "cool" thing to have. That's just it - we're only 28 years old! At best, he should be getting nostalgic for cassette tapes, not the 45s! The only reason I can think of that he wants it so badly is because he listened to it with his father, but even then, it serves no purpose to go get it when we don't have a turntable or space to store it. |
|
|
|
Post by breakingfree on Jun 23, 2010 13:40:44 GMT -5
I just loooove albums. I don't know, there's just something about them. Maybe the memories of doing my homework while playing my favorite tunes? Anyway, fast-forward 30 years. I still had all of those albums. I had no turntable--hadn't had one in working condition in several years. But I still found it hard to part with the albums anyway. But I made the decision to do so, because they were taking up a lot, lot, lot of space and never got listened to. Funny thing, when I packed them up to get rid of them, my son asked me if he could have them. He loves the '80's Hair Band stuff and the '70's "Dazed and Confused" sound-track sort of music. His dad had given him a working turntable and he wanted to take the albums to his dad's so I told him if his father didn't care, he could have them. He has them nicely lined up on shelves, in alphabetic order mind you, and listens to them regularly. So, I guess for me, parting with my albums wasn't as painful as it could have been because my son enjoys them and they "stayed in the family." Ask me 5 years ago if I could have gotten rid of them and you'd have gotten a big "h-e-double-hockey-sticks" no! I've also gotten on the mp3 player kick, I enjoy the fact that I can have all my favorite music and it is housed in such a small space! Same for photos. But it took me a while to get to this point. I guess what I'm saying is to maybe point out that the records have gone to a good home, and if he wants to be able to locate songs easily and be able to have lots more music without giving up space, he can save them to an mp3 player. Also, be very understanding. So often it is the memory associated with the thing (honeysuckle reminds me of early summer when school was first out and gives me a happy feeling) rather than the thing itself. Just be patient and maybe find a way to make getting rid of the records "his idea."  Hope all that rambling made some sense! BF |
|
|
|
Post by messymimi on Jun 23, 2010 14:27:46 GMT -5
Many times, people keep things for reasons that are not obvious at first glance.
You will see this with the man who keeps the football jersey in which he scored the winning goal. No, he is no longer a teen. No, he will never play again. In his mind, though, as long as he holds onto that item, it is still possible that he is still the guy who scores winning goals, and can continue to be.
If your husband listened to that specific 45 with his father, the physical presence of it may be a way of holding on to those days shared with his dad, especially if his father is deceased or far away. It may be a way to hold on to youth, or of holding on to something he can't even put a name to.
Sometimes I get rid of things, and it is no problem. Then I will run into one item, similar to others I have tossed or given away, and I will feel a strange reluctance creep over me. As crazy as this may sound to some people, I will often at that time focus on my inner child, and ask her if she is done with the item. If she isn't, for reasons she can or cannot fathom, I keep the item, telling her it is okay, we don't have to get rid of it now.
Recognizing this pattern has made it easier to get rid of stuff, and to realize why I sometimes can't let go, or why others can't let go at times, either.
This may not help with the immediate problem of him tracking down what you consider a useless record, but it might help you and him recognize why he wants it, and to realize that picking one record from the box (if it is still available to him) to frame for memories would be sufficient.
messymimi
|
|
|
|
Post by DJ on Jun 23, 2010 17:13:36 GMT -5
records sound different than digital. i support audiophiles who realise this and insist on keeping the vinyl. the thing is.. unless you're -really- an audiophile.. and usually the people i know who insist on the difference are DJs or in the industry... you can't really tell the audible difference.
mp3 players and digital music can make life far easier and less cluttered.. if he's holding on for emotional reasons you might be able to-
make a playlist based on music that he shared with his father
if he has an ipod with lcd screen you can match pics of his father with album titles rather than the actual cover art. make an image album on the mp3 player or home computer.
alot of alternatives that celebrate the emotional connection without requiring the physical object to be present...
if he's dead set on hoarding none of those ideas might work and i wish you patience and calm understanding in dealing with it :/
|
|
|
|
Post by success19 on Jun 23, 2010 22:24:44 GMT -5
I still have a stack of vinyl - but my record player stopped working - so I am trying to weed some out so as not to store them while overseas - because I KNOW they won't store well. There are maybe 10 that are important to me from my teen years - memories. But I also KNOW I can get dvds or maybe get them online instead - maybe hubbie can download the music to itunes or something?
|
|
|
|
Post by eagle on Jun 23, 2010 23:02:41 GMT -5
Amberwind, all I can suggest is that next time the two of you make a mutual decision to get rid of something, you say. "Honey, please make sure you remember this the next time the topic comes up. Remember how upset you were that the 45's were gone?" Or if you think that will make him less willing to let something go, just make sure it actually gets thrown in the trash or donated to Goodwill or someplace. DON'T give it to his mom or anyone from whom he can retrieve it. For now, of course, you can only let him do what he's going to do and be patient with him.
I remember missing my 33's, 45's & 78's (before 45's) and REALLY wishing they weren't gone. But I got over it. I really don't miss them at all anymore.
|
|
|
|
Post by amberwind on Jun 23, 2010 23:52:31 GMT -5
Okay, now I'm both confused and incredibly frustrated. After dinner tonight, I asked him if he'd called his mom. "For what?" "The 45 you were saying you wanted to find last night." "Huh?" "You know, the record..." "Oh, no." And he went to take a bath. I was freaking out over it, and he'd completely forgotten all about it. I love him, but at this rate he's either going to drive me to an early grave, or I'ma kill him before we hit the age of 40.  |
|
|
|
Post by lizzie on Jun 24, 2010 2:17:21 GMT -5
Hello Amberwind, thinking of your comment "I'ma kill him before we hit the age of 40" I remember in the movie Shaun of the Dead that they killed a lot of zombies by beheading them with vinyl records, as I recall they had some difficulty deciding which albums to sacrifice in order to save their own lives!
|
|
|
|
Post by serenitynow on Jun 24, 2010 5:31:28 GMT -5
I like the old records too. The old Beatles records have an "urgency" to them (strange word to describe it, I know!) whereas the cds are ,imo, too smooth and feel almost over-produced.
Give me the records!
serenitynow
|
|
|
|
Post by heretoday on Jun 24, 2010 8:32:57 GMT -5
Slothzilla maybe you should try putting those old singles on ebay before you just get rid of them, there are all kinds of collectors around. I work for the post office and see them being sent from the UK and so on - special orders.
|
|
|
|
Post by slothzilla on Jun 25, 2010 11:42:15 GMT -5
Slothzilla maybe you should try putting those old singles on ebay before you just get rid of them, there are all kinds of collectors around. I work for the post office and see them being sent from the UK and so on - special orders. I'm going to give them to a friend who owns a record store. Hopefully he can make some money off of them, or at least enjoy listening to them (he's a dedicated audiophile who loves the sound of vinyl). |
|
|
|
Post by mrsmess on Jun 25, 2010 19:02:59 GMT -5
Many times, people keep things for reasons that are not obvious at first glance.
You will see this with the man who keeps the football jersey in which he scored the winning goal. No, he is no longer a teen. No, he will never play again. In his mind, though, as long as he holds onto that item, it is still possible that he is still the guy who scores winning goals, and can continue to be.
messymimi This is so my DH when it comes to clothes...he keeps every t-shirt from the 1970's and 80's that represent his youth, and every shirt from different work conferences or companies he has worked for....he says they are 'his history'. I find it hard to fathom, but as they say... "their stuff is s**t, but your s**t is stuff!" |
|
