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Post by notsomessyshell on Jul 1, 2010 22:15:19 GMT -5
Hmmm. I keep getting really really upset about things like dinner not being just right. Or not getting things done just so. Like streaks on the windows or mirrors. Do I have unrealistic expectations now? Am I afraid if it is not done just right I will return to the messy squalor of before? I don't like being so nasty when things are not just right. I mean I am really angry, but not at anyone else. Just me. I get really negative. This has to stop.
Balance. Why is it so hard to find it?
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Post by Celeste on Jul 1, 2010 22:19:02 GMT -5
It isn't so uncommon, Shell. I think it has to do with that hidden streak of perfectionism so many of us share. We seem to have an issue with balance, as you've noticed. Try saying "Practice, not Perfection" and see if that helps you let go a bit.
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Post by StuffNoMore on Jul 1, 2010 23:53:29 GMT -5
I pretty much felt the same way after I finished my home. I think I feared it going back to how it was. We seem to go from one extreme to the other after such a drastic change. It's getting better for me as time passes and I hope the same for you!
SNM
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Post by success19 on Jul 2, 2010 1:54:04 GMT -5
It is the if I can't be or do it perfect - I won't do it at all syndrome.
We need to stop beating ourselves up and just realize most of us aren't Bree Vandercamp (okay her house looks perfect but her life is a mess!).
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Post by fluffernut - now Jannie on Jul 2, 2010 7:10:00 GMT -5
One thing I took from Flylady (love/hate her) is the saying "Housework done imperfectly still blesses your family." You are a family of one. Clean up one thing. Don't worry about the rest of your home. Enjoy your success. By the way, I get nervous when I visit someone elses's home. If they make me coffee, I'll bring my empty cup to the kitchen sink and grab a wet paper towel and swish off theIr kitchen counter. I want to "make everything nice" for them. Don't want to leave a mess. Like I want to make sure I'll be invited again.
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Deleted
Joined: January 1970
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2010 10:14:43 GMT -5
It's not that you want to whip yourself into a frenzy of domestic submission, it's just that certain things must get done to maintain your house. I have the absolute expectation that I will get at least 3-5 things done per day....doesn't matter if they're big things or small things, but something has to get done EVERY SINGLE DAY. So I would say yes, have some minimum expectations.
Doing something is better than nothing....and trying is worth everything. Good luck to you!
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Post by slothzilla on Jul 2, 2010 10:53:50 GMT -5
I had never heard the expression 'Perfect is the enemy of the good' until recently. Seems like I've been hearing it a lot lately, and I find it to be true. Perfection is great, but even if the results of your efforts aren't quite up to your expectations, you should still be happy with what you've accomplished. (I'm an artist, and in that part of my life, a perfectionist. It's held me back. I'm trying to adapt the 'Perfect is the enemy of the good' outlook myself).
I had a gf who was a great cook, and she was always trying out new recipes on me. She was never happy with anything she cooked, but I always thought it was delicious! I bet your family feels the same way.
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Post by ponygirl on Jul 2, 2010 11:04:41 GMT -5
Perfectionism has been a lifelong problem for me, too. I would not attempt to do any project if I thought I couldn't complete it to absolute perfection.
Over the past year, I've made a conscious effort to SIMPLY START a project, which has made a huge difference in facing inaction. Then I must say to myself, "This is good enough." and move on to something else.
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Blackswan
Banned
Joined: October 2008
Posts: 6,388
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Post by Blackswan on Jul 2, 2010 13:50:11 GMT -5
One way I have heard to desensitize yourself would be to purposely leave something imperfect, and do it often.
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Post by messymarie on Jul 3, 2010 18:08:27 GMT -5
I'm having the same problem. I think I may have prefered my house messy at this point - now I feel like if I'm not cleaning all the time I'm going to wind up right back where I was. It's too stressful!
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Post by lizzie on Jul 4, 2010 5:30:09 GMT -5
Hello Messyshell, are you familiar with the idea that all hand made oriental carpets are made with a deliberate flaw, because to make them perfect would be an insult to God, as only God is perfect? Maybe this applies to window washing and cooking too!!
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Post by mrsmess on Jul 4, 2010 7:13:56 GMT -5
I must admit when it comes to housework and cleaning, I have never aimed for perfection. I loathe it so much, and have to force myself to do it.
At the same time I know it has to be done, and so I do but I would rather do 'just enough' so I can get on with other things I prefer doing!
I do suffer from perfectionism in other areas, like art for example, and am sometimes afraid to start a painting or drawing in case it is not going to be good enough.
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Post by notsomessyshell on Jul 4, 2010 12:41:38 GMT -5
Lizzie that is a "perfect" thought. Thanks!
I guess this is part of retraining my brain. Cleaning is not something that comes naturally to me so I should expect some ups and downs on this journey.
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Post by Meme on Jul 4, 2010 21:26:08 GMT -5
quilts too are often made with a flaw - I had to change my definition of ''right''' and ''perfection'' and realized that if I would be ''kind'' to others I could be ''kind '' to me--- I guess it just shows we have flaws that make us special but not perfect --- hugs from Meme who suffered greatly with this at one time but has learned that Meme's way is ok and good enough and I am learning and practice makes perfect(  ) |
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Post by def6 on Jul 6, 2010 15:33:08 GMT -5
I do this too Shell. We all get aggravated. It has taken a lot for you to come the distance that you have. Have a system in place for you to de-stress, like have quiet time or drink a cup of tea, everyone is different, but it should be something just for you.
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