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Post by downanddirty on Jul 30, 2008 10:27:20 GMT -5
I'm new here and have posted a thread at the newcomers forum. I have been thinking about this and wanted to get others opinions of feelings about a question. When there is so much to be done, when you live in squalor, should I, or does anyone else feel guilt about wanting to do something just for yourself that doesn't involve cleaning? I know my intro is long at the newcomers forum, but it may help some understand me a bit and why I ask this.
Knowing there are so many things to be done to clean up my house, I constantly feel guilty over anything I may think of doing just to enjoy myself-to get away from the mess or just stop for a day and do something all for my own enjoyment. Whether it be a day watching movies, getting out by myself, or trying to make a place to just enjoy a day of crafting, I always ignore it. I don't really take care of me as an individual. I feel there is so much to do, that needs to be done, that I don't deserve to have fun until it's all done. But getting it all done seems insurmountable at times and at best, it will take a very long time to accomplish. So do I wait until I've gotten it all done, or is it wrong of me to want to let it go for a time just to take time out for me? Does anyone else feel this way?
I would like to just add that I never go out to drive myself, although I have a license. I have spent years in my home, living with the squalor and mess. I only go out when my husband is driving, to pay bills and shop. The days of my driving around and just looking around or shopping alone have been gone for years. I'm trying to change all that, but it is hard. Not only do I feel tremendous guilt over my house and what has happened, but the guilt is magnified by things that people say about how I let them down and other things said meant to make me feel hurt and guilty. Does anyone else deal with these feelings? If it is alright to take time to "smell the roses" so to speak, does it seem as if I've given up on more important things that need to be taken care of here at home?
I've lost so much time. I just want to enjoy being me again. I want my house clean, of course-it is a work in progress. At the same time, I feel I need to get away from this house-maybe enjoy myself and gain new perspective. I just have this very real feeling of guilt that if I take time for just me, to do something I WANT to do, rather than the many things I need to do, that I will be frowned upon or even complained to for doing so.
Any advice, experience, or ideas?
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Post by Chris on Jul 30, 2008 11:59:41 GMT -5
Hi -- and welcome -- I'm new too and I'm already loving it here and progressing so much since I joined.
I think that your feelings of guilt will subside little by little with even the smallest of progress that you make toward reducing your clutter/squalor. It has been my experience that I feel better now that I'm doing something every day about it. So, I would not advise you to force yourself out to smell the roses but I would say that the key is to find a balance where you're working toward cleaning up AND you are allowing yourself some enjoyment too. Maybe if you start small by taking a weekly planned outing -- do you like going to the library? They have some great books on de-cluttering and also it's an enjoyable atmosphere where you won't have shopping temptations.
I can relate to not going out much alone anymore. My husband retired about a year and a half ago and now I rarely get in the car and go out. I always seem to enjoy it when I do but it's rare for me to go anywhere without him -- where in the past I used to. I am working at going places like the library, or grocery store (between larger shopping - as my husband actually likes to go with me), or over to see my neice and her kids -- by myself occassionally.
I just feel sure that as you work on your home -- you will gradually repair those feelings of guilt. There are some daily threads on Listzilla that might help you a lot -- I like the daily accountability partners -- there are also ones for working in threes (getting three things done). Don't worry the guilt will go away. The mess didn't happen overnight so it will take time to get control over and to learn to maintain -- but you can do it. I've gotten where I feel a great sense of accomplishment just with maintaining areas that I previously had to work real hard to get control over.
Good luck!
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